Love Like Crazy
by piper maru duchovny
Summary: They called them crazy when they started out, they've been together fifty-eight years now, ain't that crazy... - Danny/OC; Lindsay/Adam
1. Chapter 1

**In the world you know, Danny and Lindsay live happily ever after while my Austin and Flack have this insane relationship right? Not in this story and in One Turtle Dove's parallel 'We Weren't Crazy'. In these stories Messthorne (Danny & Austin) and Moss (Adam & Lindsay) rule. Hate us, that's okay. **

**Disclaimer: I don't even like the show half the time, I don't want to own it. (Except for Austin, she's mine... and I'd like to own Carmine's biceps)**

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* * *

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_Be a best friend, tell the truth,  
And overuse 'I love you',  
Go to work, do your best,  
Don't outsmart your commonsense,  
Never let your prayin' knees get lazy,  
And love like crazy...  
_-Lee Brice's 'Love Like Crazy'

* * *

"I can't believe people." Austin Hawthorne fell into the seat beside her best friend stealing a drink from his Pepsi before handing it to him and taking a big bite off her hot dog, "I got my butt smacked by some drunk Mets fan tryin' to teach me a lesson."

"Say it, don't spray it, Darlin'." Danny chuckled as he watched the Yankees take the field, "I'm assuming you didn't murder him and that's why we're eating instead of me bailin' you out of lockup?"

"I just flashed my badge and sent him tumblin' back to his buddies." She huffed and leaned into him the best she could in the cheap seats. He played with the tips of her hair as she held the hot dog to his lips and he stole a bite as the game continued below them.

"A-Rod is in fine form tonight." Austin murmured offhandedly as she played with Danny's calloused fingers.

He chuckled and pressed a kiss to her tousled dark brown locks, "You and A-Rod's fine form, Graceless, you're gonna give me a complex."

"Shuddup." Her elbow dug into the space between his ribs and he hitched in a breath. The bright orange sun was fading into the pink fall sky over Yankee stadium as they watched the Yankees beat their hometown rivals. They had been coming to home games in the Bronx since they were little kids and Danny's father would bring them on Sundays – back when they had owned the borough from the Concourse to the Stadium.

Growing up, Yankee Stadium had been their church, baseball had been their religion, and the Bronx Bombers had been their saints. Sitting in the upper tiers of the stadium sipping Pepsi and eating coney dogs with clothing displaying their pride and a foam finger sitting between their worn Converse - they were children again and nothing could touch them. For just one moment more, they were free.

The game ended with the Yankees beating their crosstown rivals seventeen to eleven. Austin and Danny waited til most of the people had left the stadium before they made their way down the cement steps. Their fingers interlaced, Austin leaned into his shoulder as they stumbled down, "I cannot believe that you bought a foam finger."

"What?" Danny lifted the hand that was encased in the blue and white support for his team, "You don't like?"

She giggled and kissed the stubble that had gathered on the underside of his chin, "It's cheesy."

"You did not just insult the finger."

"Baby," Austin paused and looked at him, "people are gonna be giving us an entirely different finger if you don't get rid of that thing."

Danny pouted, "But it's got multiple purposes!"

"Like what!"

"Like!" He jumped at the chance to save his purchase, "We're watching a game at home and we get really excited when Sabathia strikes out a Philly and we knock over one of the beers – and by we, I mean you – we can use the finger to mop it up."

"You had me til you insulted me, mister." Austin huffed teasingly, removing her hand from his and crossing her arms.

"Don't pout."

"It's me or the finger." She turned away from him, "Pick, Messer."

"But, Baby, please..." Danny pulled at her arm, looking longingly at his foam finger and then at his friend.

Austin glanced at him over her shoulder, "Pick me now or lose me forever, Daniel."

"Fine," Danny growled as he tossed the finger into the nearby trashcan before scooping Austin into a bridal hold, "Happy, Princess?"

"Elated." She smirked, her arms encircling his neck as she pressed a quick kiss to his lips.

Danny's smile returned as she released his lips and he adjusted his grip on her, "So, are you going to walk or do I have to carry the princess to the car?"

"Piggyback ride?" His heart melted slightly as she looked up at him with big green eyes and her lower lip jutted out like she had just gotten scolded.

Danny growled against her neck as he placed her feet against the ground, "If I could learn to say no to you it'd save my back and bank account a world of trouble."

"Where's the fun in that?" Austin giggled as she jumped on without warning and locked her legs around his abdomen, "Giddyup, Danny."

"And we're off." Danny made his way down the steps and through the corridors to the parking garage where they had stowed the old car that was used only on trips back to the Bronx. Austin was giggling in his ear when they finally reached the old Oldsmobile and he dumped her unceremoniously on the trunk. She glared at him playfully and then kissed him lightly before hopping in the passenger seat.

The upholstery was torn and tattered, the fabric had been removed from the ceiling and they had written in the glue, the smell of stale smoke hung in every nook and cranny, yet they couldn't bring themselves to sell it. They had bought it together when Danny was working in the minors and Austin was working as a bartender – the last reminder of things before their lives fell together. Everything had changed dramatically over the last ten years and yet the two of them still found one another.

Danny turned the key over and the engine roared to life alongside the radio. The tale end of a Twisted Sister song was playing and Austin hummed the final few notes as they joined the string of cars leaving the car park. Windows were rolled down and Austin removed her shoes and rested her bare feet on the dashboard. When the disc-jockey introduced Kansas' most infamous hit. The two grinned before belting along, "Carry on my wayward son, there'll be peace when you are done, lay your weary head to rest, don't you cry no more!"

Danny drummed his palms against the steering wheel so hard they were turning red as Austin tapped her feet and played air guitar. Their voices were growing raw as they screamed along with the words to the song they knew all too well from their childhood spent listening to music with Austin's older brother in the Hawthorne garage while their dad was at work. As the song hit it's crescendo, they screamed with the band, "NO MOOOOOOOOOORE!"

"That was awesome," Austin rasped while trying to catch her breath, "I forgot how much fun it is to drive with you."

"See," Danny stuck his tongue out, "we don't always have to just meet there."

Smirking, Austin glanced at the light that had just turned red. She slid around the seat belt, leaning over the center console and breathing against Danny's lips before kissing him quickly. Their lips tangled for a few seconds before she leaned back into her seat, "What? You told me to kiss you quick and not to slobber."

"I should stick my tongue out more often." Danny laughed as he followed the traffic back toward Austin's Manhattan apartment.

She shrugged and settled back in her seat, tapping her fingers to AC/DC's 'TNT' as the night wind nipped at her nose and tangled her curls. She looked at Danny in the glow of the dashboard light and something turned inside of her and yanked at her heart. She didn't want the night to end when they got to her apartment. She was tired of stolen kisses and jokes about possible futures – she wanted something written in stone. Austin took a deep breath and let it go, "Hey, Danny?"

"Yeah, Aust?" Danny glanced at her then back at the road.

She picked nervously at the thread on her jeans, "This thing we're doing... you and me... I know we said that we weren't gonna question it. That it was just you and me being... you and me. I just.."

"What?" He took her hand over the console, "What is it Austin?"

"We've never been good at the serious side of things, Danny." She sighed and ran her free hand through her hair, "I mean, we could always either be friends or we could make out... we never could get the two things to go hand in hand. But that was when we were kids. Do you think... can we try?"

"Try dating?" Danny asked.

"Yeah," She sighed, "Having an adult relationship. No more screwing around. I mean.. at least I know for me... I always end up back here..."

"Yeah," Danny pulled up in front of her apartment, "We always end up back here."

"So, can we try being serious about the two of us for a change instead of using each other as a patch til some other idiot comes along?"

He nodded and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, "That sounds like a good plan, Brain."

"Glad you agree, Pinky." She smiled, her heart rate slowing to a semi-normal rate, "So, you still gonna come up?"

"Nope." Danny smirked, "I'll pick you up tomorrow at seven. We're gonna be grown ups."

"Where in the grown up code does it say you can't come up and kiss me senseless?" Austin tilted her head to the side and pouted, "Seven?"

"Seven." He kissed her lightly, "Dress pretty."

"I'm always pretty."

"You require a lot of work, Lady."

She giggled, "You're gonna take me on a real date tomorrow."

"It's gonna be today if you don't get out of this car!" He tweaked her nose playfully.

"Goodnight, Prince Charming."

"G'night, Cinderella."


	2. Chapter 2

_He was walking her home,  
He was holding her hand,  
Oh, the way she smiled,  
It stole the breath right out of him,  
Down that old road,  
With the stars up above,  
He remembers where he was,  
The night he fell in love,  
He was walking her home.  
_-Mark Schultz; Walking Her Home;

* * *

Daniel Messer had fallen in love exactly twice in his thirty-two chaotic years on earth. Both times he had fallen in love with the same girl. The raven haired, emerald eyed beauty from down the block with her ripped jeans and obscure band t-shirts. She had stolen his heart for the first time when she was five and he was seven. He had been standing in the Hawthorne front yard talking to his best buddy Andy when his little sister had stepped out on the porch, hands on her hips, and without the bat of lash threatened him within an inch of his life for tossing her Malibu Barbie in the washer. Barbie's hair had gotten wound around the machine and try as the kindergartner might, she simply couldn't free her beloved doll. Danny had managed to free the doll and handed it back to the girl, who proceeded to not give him one iota of thanks as she chucked the doll at her big brother – nailing him right between the eyes.

The second time Daniel Dominic Messer had fallen in love with Austin Grace Hawthorne had been seven years later. Sweaty palmed and fourteen years old, Danny had knocked on the storm door to the house that had become engrained in his life story. When the door flew open, he wasn't quite prepared for the way his breath left his chest, his brain forgot to think, and life seemed to standstill momentarily. For their junior high's Spring Fling, Austin had forewent her usual jeans and Andrew's shirts, trading them for a long black dress that was so un-Austin it could only make him smile when he saw her busted up, disgusting, filthy Converse peaking out from under it. Her smile reached her eyes and his heart fell without his permission while her voice filled the void, "Hey, Danny, you look nice."

Fast forward eighteen years and Danny Messer again found himself knocking on the door of his childhood love's residence. Now, it's her apartment in Manhattan and his tie is actually tied instead of clip-on, but his palms are still sweating and his heart racing while he waits in the dimly lit hallway. The door finally creaked open and she smiled as she slid into the hallway beside him, locking her door behind her and securing her key in her clutch. Long gone was the young girl who accompanied him to dances and wore his letter jacket with pride, before him was a woman in a short black dress and heels to match with her messy curls secured on top her head. She still gave him the same smile and his heart fell all over again, "Hey, Danny."

"Austin," He cleared his throat and moistened his lips with the tip of his tongue, "you look... just.. wow."

She clicked her tongue and reached to straighten his tie, "Well, when Danny Messer tells a girl to dress fancy, she's gotta figure that it's about time she broke out the big guns. 'Sides, I like being a girl on occasion – it's just easier to chase morons down Canal if you're not breaking an ankle in four inch heels."

"Mmm," Danny murmured as his arm slipped around her waist, "but you make the heels look good, Austin."

She chuckled and leaned into him slightly, her fingers playing with the soft leather of his brown bomber jacket, "Just promise you'll catch me when I trip over air in these things?"

"Promise, Graceless."

The walk out to the street was filled with comfortable silence as their feet moved in a rhythm that was so in sync it sounded as one. She stopped short on the street when she saw his bike parked in the space where a car should have been as she shot him a glare, "You know I love the bike, but I can't exactly ride in this."

"What happened to your sense of adventure?" Danny asked, swinging a leg over the bike and nodding his head at the space behind him.

"Must of left it in my Converse."

He chuckled as she climbed on behind him, arms locked around his waist and face pressed against his back, "Behave and I might let you drive home."

"That a promise?" She whispered in his ear as he kickstarted the old Harley and rolled into the street.

The ride went quickly as Austin stared up at the lights of New York passing them by. Streets, bridges, tunnels, flying by in a flurry that she could only find on the back of Danny Messer's motorcycle. Her nails digging into the leather of his coat while the wind pulled at her perfected hair. Before she could blink, they had abandoned the lights of New York for the far side of the river and a waterfront restaurant in New Jersey.

"Hope you like Italian." Danny mumbled and held onto the crook of her elbow as she climbed off the bike before getting off himself.

"Right," Austin rolled her eyes, "so we took the bike so you wouldn't have to pay for valet parking?"

"You gonna be a wise butt the entire night? Cause I'm sure I can get one of those nice mob folks to whack you for me." Danny wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pressed a kiss just below her ear, "You cold?"

"I'm good." Austin smiled and leaned into him as they joined the people waiting for a seat at the obviously popular restaurant.

The small bistro was family owned and even though Danny had called ahead to reserve a table, they still ended up waiting half-an-hour to be seated. They had spent the time standing on the dock that overlooked the dark black river beneath them and talking about nothing of importance until their name was called. Dinner was quaint – pasta and wine for two and more than their fair share of bread sticks.

"Alright," Danny's calloused finger traced over the palm of her hand, "you're going to have to coach me a bit because I don't usually date real woman – which you know – and I already know all there is to know about you. So if you want to talk about something other than why the Yankees lost to Detroit and Flack's intense need to get a hair cut, you're gonna have to pick a topic."

"He does look a little bit like Harry Potter, doesn't he?" Austin added, taking a sip from her wine glass, "Danny, I want to be serious about us, but I don't want you to be serious. Still be that goofy, grinning moron who makes my knees go weak – just don't go sleeping with random women while you do it."

"That I can do," His wink sent a firing of neuron synapses starting in her brain and working it's way down her spine, "I look like a goofy, grinning moron?"

She chuckled and her head bowed; looking up at him through her curls, she spoke, "A very handsome grinning moron."

"Huh?" Danny shrugged, "I make moron look good."

"And narcissism to boot!"

He laughed, "You wouldn't take me any other way."

"Unless you looked like Richard Gere.. then I would take this alternative you under consideration."

Small chuckles were shared as the remnants of their food disappeared and wine was drained from their glasses. Twinkling lights wrapped around the short staircase that lead to the terrace that had gave way to a dance floor around the nine o'clock hour. A song that had been popular during their high school years poured from speakers on either side of the deck and his hand tugged playfully at hers, "Dance with me, I promise not to step on your toes this time."

"You know that I can't dance," She rolled her eyes, "you can't either for that matter."

"C'mon, Austin," Danny stood, still pulling at her hand, "look moronic with me. They'll all know that we're so in love that no matter how many missteps we make it doesn't matter."

"Alright, alright," She moved from her chair, "one dance. Then you better turn back into my Danny before I shove waxing poetic, cyborg Danny into the river."

The tile clicked beneath their feet as they danced in circles with an old couple who had been together since the flood and a pair of teenagers who stole kisses every time their hormonally imbalanced eyes locked. He twirled Austin out like a pirouetting ballerina before she leaned into him, arms sliding from his hands, up his arms to lock around his neck. She pulled gently, til his head lowered enough that she could give him the kiss she had been fighting since she'd seen him standing in her doorway. Lips fused together in a torrent of passion as her fingers pulled slightly at the short blond hair that grew on the nape of his neck.

As they separated, her left hand came to rest above his heart. Their chests heaved slightly, eyes locked, and lost in a moment of complete and utter reckless abandon. Her hand bunched up the breast of his stark white dress shirt as rain drops slowly fell from the sky, breaking the magic the moment the held. She smiled, "We should get going or we'll get stuck with the bike in a down pour."

"Yeah," He breathed his agreement, "lets go."

The bill was paid, his leather jacket found it's way around her shoulders, and they were back on the bike, zooming toward the city that never sleeps. The rain was a light drizzle as they weaved in and out of cars, trying to beat the impending downpour. Thunder boomed and lightning cracked over the skyline as the downpour began and the tires rolled to a stop in front of her apartment.

He brushed the hair the rain had matted to her face from her eyes, "Good first real date?"

"Amazingly so," She breathed and pulled him in for a goodnight kiss in the middle of the sidewalk in the pouring New York City rain.


	3. Chapter 3

_& if I fall and crash and burn,  
At least we both know that I try  
_-Lifehouse

* * *

The early fall sun burned a vibrant orange as the noise of the city street filtered through Austin Hawthorne's open window. She lay on her bed recuperating from her latest run in with her favorite city while tearing through the new novel by her favorite author when she heard Danny's key turn in the lock. Quickly, she closed the book and tossed it on the night stand as she burrowed against her pillow and flopped onto her stomach so he couldn't see her horrible poker face as he entered the bedroom. She was slowing her breathing when the bedroom door opened and he toed off his shoes.

Her bed bowed beneath the added weight and he hovered over her in the pushup position before dropping a kiss to the faint scar that curved around her eye. He knew that she had yet to give into sleep and he also knew how hard the case was hanging onto her. The way she had saw herself in the little girl who had taken every beating her father had doled out and never waved a single inch. He saw the way Austin wanted to throw herself over the girl, take her and run so that the man may never lay another finger on her ever again. Unfortunately, this time, evil had one and the little girl had been sent back to her father's abusive home despite the detective's earnest pleadings to the contrary.

He moved the deep brown spiral curls from her neck and his chapped lips traced the long scar that he had unfortunately been a partner in inflicting almost twenty years prior. It had been the fourth of July and Danny and Andrew had been eleven, Austin was on the cusp of ten and had a smile that stole the breath from his chest for a reason he had yet to learn. They had been playing with fireworks in the alley between their homes when a Roman Candle had misfired and hit Austin in the back of the neck while the boys were horsing around. No amount of placating could take away the guilt he had felt for the weeks following that terrible incident.

Scars littered her body like paintings on cave walls told stories. They told the story of Austin Hawthorne – the warrior who had endured despite it all. He continued on his way kissing the wrist she had broken in a fight with her old man, the scar on her stomach from appendicitis, and through the hole in her jeans he kissed the knee she had shattered when she slipped on the wet pipe while trying to sneak out.

Crawling up the bed he wrapped his arm around her middle and settled his chin into the crook of her neck. Sleepily, she interlaced their fingers as she leaned back against him and he pressed a kiss to the hinge of her jaw.

Austin managed to finally give into sleep with the knowledge that the boy who had been her knight in torn up Levis and Yankees gear was there to keep the demons at bay.


	4. Chapter 4

**You can all thank Rachel for practically coaching me through this entire chapter. I'm so out of writing practice... my muse was so stubborn and I just couldn't write no matter how hard I tried. Rachel got it out of me though. :) Thanks Beef-ef. 3**

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**_I'll be by your side,  
Wherever you fall,  
In the dead of night,  
Whenever you call,  
And please don't fight,  
These hands that are holding you,  
And my hands are holding you..._

_-By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North;_

_

* * *

_The bathroom door shut with the softest of clicks as Danny Messer padded barefoot across the bedroom he shared with his girlfriend. Austin was buried under a mess of sheets and comforters, one foot sticking out in the cool November air and he couldn't resist the urge to tickle it as he walked by. She jerked her foot back with haste as she curled up tighter under the linens. The towel around his hips loosened slightly as he bent over her, the cold of his dog tags hitting her collar bone as he rubbed his wet hair against her neck, "Wake up Sleeping Beauty."

"B'zz 'ff, D'nny." Austin grumbled and swatted at his face. They had fallen asleep late last night after attending Lindsay Monroe's lab invasion thanksgiving (Austin had helped her by staying out of the way and not touching anything that could get burnt).

Danny chuckled, his breath tickling her skin as she pulled her shoulders up to protect her and he pressed a line of kisses a long her jaw, "Wake up or you'll miss my mom's bread coming out of the oven."

"I'm too tired for the dirty joke that's in there." Austin mumbled, stealing a kiss as she forced herself to wake up, "Minty fresh."

"You have stale turkey morning breath."

"Get out of my way, Jerkface," She shoved him as she threw the covers back, "you're blocking my access to a steaming hot shower."

"Don't forget to brush," He called after her as he fell into the warm crevice she had left behind and she tossed him the bird over her shoulder, "Such a lady."

–

She was sitting on the edge of the pool table in her newest pair of Converse, non-holey jeans, and a deep blue sweater as her curly brown hair air dried. She swung her feet impatiently as she hummed one of her favorite ACDC songs, "Daniel! I'm getting old out here!"

"Give me a break, you old hag, this tie is giving me a hissy fit that rivals yours." Danny emerged from the bedroom in his nicest khakis and a button down, his light blue tie all in shambles.

"C'mere," Austin crooked her finger at him, sliding the tie from around his neck and putting it around herself, "You're utterly hopeless."

"The curse of men," He shot her a crooked grin while watching her tie the blue silk in a loose knot, sliding it over her head and placing it on him, tightening it to the point of almost choking him, "That's fine, I'm only partial to air."

With that, she tightened the tie slightly tighter and smirked at him, "I believe you said something about your mother's perfect homemade bread."

"Yeah," Danny nodded, "we've got to get going or she'll read us the riot act about stopping to make her grandbabies."

"If we don't practice, how will we ever get it right?" Austin chuckled as Danny wheeled the motorcycle out of the apartment and she grabbed their helmets.

The streets of Brooklyn were alive with people pushing and crowding trying to beat the others to the best Black Friday deals. Austin was suddenly grateful for Grace Messer's decision to move the family dinner to the following day since Danny had to work the night prior – it had given Austin an out for shopping with Sam Flack and her gaggle of high pitched Yonkers friend. She enjoyed shopping as much as every other New Yorker – if she couldn't find it in the Bodega, she simply didn't need it.

Danny's old Harley had made it easy to weave in and out of traffic. Austin spent the ride to their old neighborhood in the Bronx with her head buried in the crook of his neck and nails digging into the leather of his jacket. Before she could really blink, they were parking in front of the old Messer house just two down the street from her personal nightmare.

She smiled up at the simple two story house that was nearly identical to every other one on the block. The old Oak still led up to Danny's childhood bedroom, the fence was still rusting away, and their hand prints were still in the cement of the driveway from way back in 1987. Swinging one leg off the bike, her smile grew when the screen door slapped open and Grace Messer stepped out in her apron with a dishtowel in her hands, "You're late."

"We were rehearsing, Ma." Danny shot Austin a wink as the crossed the lawn and were practically toppled over with hugs.

"Rehearsing what?" Grace asked and Austin couldn't bite back the giggle, "And you, when you gonna give me grandchildren?"

"When that boy of yours puts a ring on my finger!" Austin countered, her accent coming back just as thick as it had ever been, "He does that and we'll give you a whole slew of grandchildren."

"Oh, Child," Grace rolled her eyes and ushered them into the warm house, "I'll be in my grave before the two of you settle down and get married."

"Hush your mouth, Mommy." Danny kissed his mother's cheek, "You're gonna live to you're ninety."

"And you won't marry that girl until I'm ninety-one."

"Grace," Louis Messer Senior stepped in from the garage, his oldest son following him, "leave the children alone. They'll get married when they're good, ready, and we're dead."

"Dad," Danny chuckled and was nearly lifted off his feet by the sixty year old man, "good to see you."

"You too, Son," Lou chuckled and patted his son on the back, "now move so I can get to the pretty lady."

"Hi, Pop." Austin kissed his cheek and was lifted clean off the floor in a bone crushing hug.

"Hi, Pop," Lou mocked, "we haven't seen hide nor hair of you for near a year and the best you can do is 'Hi Pop'?"

"Blame that boy of yours," She smiled hard, feeling inundated with love and warmth that she had missed for far too long, "He's been keeping me all locked up in the city like I'm his Princess or something."

"Make some room," Louie grunted at his father and brother until they let him over to Austin, "Hey Pretty Girl, I've missed you."

"Hey Louie!" She hugged him and her face felt like it would crack from smiling so hard. She pulled back and cupped his face in her hand, "Boy, you need a haircut. You look like some Johnny Depp wannabe."

"Shut your dirty rotten mouth, Lady." He yanked playfully on her hair.

Her hand dipped into his pocket and pulled out his pack of Marlboros, "These things will kill you, ya know?"

"Only the good die young," He shrugged and took them back, "be horrible and live forever."

"I'll take that advice to the grave."

–

The Pogues' "Fairytale of New York" poured from the surround sound speakers in the living room, everyone was sipping warm cider from coffee mugs, Grace was cooking, Lou and Louie were in the garage and Austin stood looking at the pictures lined on the mantle. There were a multitude of her for people who weren't her biological family; her graduation picture sat next to the boys, a picture of her and Danny working on the bike next to that. She was tracing her finger over a picture of her and Danny covered in mud after a particularly rainy day in April of 1990 when two arms encompassed her from behind and the man of her entire life whispered in her ear, "I know a sweet make out spot."

"Oh really," She fought to keep a straight face as he lead her up the stairs to his childhood bedroom.

The room hadn't changed much in the years since he left home; his Aerosmith poster still hung on the door, dust covered his baseball trophies that still sat on his desk and a Batman comforter still covered the twin bed in the corner. There was still a spot between his desk and bed where she had hid many nights, folding into herself when the world was too much. Tiny, moth ball littered baseball shirts were still tucked away in the drawer that used to belong to clothes that fit her.

"You okay?" Danny asked, his hand trailing up and down her arm as she pulled the cuffs of her sweater over her hands and wrapped her arms around herself.

"Yeah," She sat down on the bed and looked up at him, "I guess that being back here just brings back a lot of memories I'd rather forget. If I came back more it probably wouldn't be this bad."

"If you want to leave," Danny knelt in front of her, taking her hands in his and slowly unfolding her from herself before her muscles could tense up, "they'll understand."

"It's fine, Babe," She forced a smile, "I'll be fine. Plus, there were a few good memories in this room."

"Most of them involving the two of us being horny teenagers." He smiled and pressed a kiss to her forehead, "I love you, Austin Grace Hawthorne."

"I love you too, Danny."

–

They had wrapped themselves up in the Batman bedspread, Austin between Danny's legs leaning back against his chest as they worked their way through the milk carton of old comic books. They were half-way through Spiderman and Austin was half-asleep on his chest as he played with her hair when Grace called up the stairs, "Stop rehearsin' and get your butts down here for dinner!"

Austin laughed and climbed off the bed, "That woman thinks we do nothing besides suck face and practice makin' babies, don't she?"

"She's old, Austin, let her have her dreams." Danny chuckled as he followed her down the stairs to where everything was set out on the dining table.

The blessing was quickly said by Louie who received a cuff on the back of his head for his first prayer of "Food's good, God's good, Amen." The second take was deemed acceptable and the family sat down to eat. Austin was stuffing her face with Grace's homemade bread when Louie decided it was story time, "Hey, you guys remember that one time we snuck down to the quarry in the middle of the night and went skinny dippin'."

"I was really tryin' to get your naked ass out of my head," She shot back while the older adults shook their heads, "it practically glowed in the moonlight."

"Can we not talk about my brother's naked butt at the dinner table?" Danny sighed and flung a stray pea at Louie, "I mean, really, I don't wanna hear my girl talkin' 'bout it."

"Jealous, Baby?" Austin asked, "We could always talk about the time you streaked across the baseball diamond because you wanted to be as cool as the footballers."

"Shut up, Graceless."

"Hey," Louie piped in, "why is there no naked Austin stories?"

"Because I'm smarter than you two knuckleheads," Austin grinned, "I don't strip in public."

"Now," Grace sat down her fork and decided it was time to add her two cents, "I know for a fact that ain't true, Little Girl."

"Crap." Austin muttered beneath her breath and busied herself with her turkey.

"You forgot your mama and I are friends," Grace chuckled and leaned back in her seat, "If I remember how Kate told it, you were no more than three and had gotten your first pair of Converse for your birthday... ran out in the middle of this very street all stark naked in nothin' but your sneakers chasin' that brother of yours 'cause he stole the only green bow you got on your presents."

"I am going to kill my mother." Austin mumbled as her cheeks turned deep red and the boys snorted with laughter, "You laugh now, but I'm sure Mama Messer would just love to hear all 'bout you goons and that one night at the docks."

Danny almost choked on his water and Louie sobered, "I'm just glad she can't ground us no more."

"I can still whoop your butt from here until kingdom come, Louis Jeffrey Messer." Grace said with a very pointed look at her older soon, certain that he was the one who had lead her baby boy into the life of sin that happened down at the docks.

–

Dinner had ended and they had adjourned to the living room to play a few hands of cards. When Austin's hand had turned rotten, she folded and excused herself to the porch. She stood outside in the bitter evening winds and let it clear her head. Her hands wrapped around the porch rail and she leaned out to see her mother's car pull into her former home. With a deep breath and a prayer that her father wasn't home, she took off jogging down the block as her mother's car door opened, "Mama! Mama!"

"Austin," Katherine Hawthorne looked identical to her daughter with just a touch of gray in her hair and a few more laugh lines around her eyes, "Baby, what are you doing here?"

"Danny and I were having dinner with the Messers," She wrapped her mother in a hug and breathed in the deep scent of the smell that belonged purely to Katherine, "I saw your car pulled in and I was hoping Daddy wouldn't be home so I could see you for a few minutes."

"He's at AA." Katherine informed her daughter, hurt that she would come to see the Messer's but not her own family, but understanding it as well, "He's really trying to change, Austin... for you."

"I don't want to fight, Ma," She pulled away and emotionally shut off to the situation, "I just wanted to see you... tell you happy holidays."

–

Danny stood on the porch looking at the shadows of Austin and Katherine Hawthorne down the street. He heard the door shut and he turned around to find his mother joining him. He extended an arm to her and she tucked in beside him looking down the street as well, "That girl is as tough as nails."

"With a heart the size of Texas," Danny mumbled worriedly, "I hope this doesn't shake her too much. She's come a real long way as of late."

"She has," Grace agreed and turned to look at her son, "You have too."

"I don't know what you're talking about, you crazy woman." He smiled as his eyes didn't leave Austin's shadow.

"I'm old, not blind, Daniel." Grace patted his hand and smiled up at him, "The two of you, I always knew you were meant for each other. From the moment you came runnin' in proclaiming she was the coolest girl in the entire world. She loves you as much as I've ever loved your Daddy and then some, I believe and you love her just as much. You've just had to grow up, I've been waiting for you to grow up. I see you two together now and it's different. You don't look at her like the girl down the street you make out with once and awhile, you look at her like she's the most important thing in your life. And she is, Danny, she needs to know it. She needs to be cherished and loved above all else for the rest of your life."

"She is, Mommy," Danny whispered, feeling like talking would ruin the moment, "She's everything."

"Then," Grace pulled a velvet box from her pocket, "when the time comes, you let her know that as your everything, she deserves to have your last name and you by her side for better or worse for the rest of your lives and for eternity ever after too."

"Ma," He opened the box, "that's Great-Grandma's... you sure?"

"More than I have ever been about anything in my entire life, Danny. Marry that girl."

"I will."

–

"Your brother wants you to call him." Katherine breathed, "I know you're mad and you have every right to be, Austin. You have every right to hate us all and I don't blame you. But, Baby, we're all trying here."

"I don't care!" Austin growled, "He hurt us, Mama. He beat me and he hit you and he did it for ten years. It's too late to take any of it back and I hate him. And if Andy wants to talk to me then he can grow a pair and call me himself."

"Austin Grace-"

"-No," Austin wiped at tears that she hadn't given permission to fall, "I love you, Mama. Happy Holidays. I've gotta go."

–

Her lips were numb, tears were freezing on her cheek as she stalked back to the Messer house. Wishing that she was still thirteen years old, that she could climb up the old tree and bury herself in Danny's bed and not come out for a week. He was standing on the porch waiting for her with open arms and she fell into him the moment she reached him, "Can we go home, please? I need it to be just you and me. I can't take anyone else tonight."

"I'll get the helmets," Danny whispered and kissed her soundly on the lips in the most comforting way he could muster before pulling away, "You drive."

"Thank you." She whispered and wiped at her tears. When he returned with the helmets, she secured hers on her head immediately and rushed to the motorcycle. Her foot slammed down on the kickstarter so hard she was fairly certain she bruised the sole of her foot through the rubber of her shoe.

Danny clung tightly to her as she sped through the streets, across the bridges, and back to their home. He felt her heart racing through the leather of her jacket and he could feel the way her breathing was ragged as she held back tears that needed to fall. She wouldn't fall apart until they got upstairs and she had ranted and raved thoroughly about how her family had messed with her mind yet again. He could feel her tense like a wild animal, wanting to ride the bike into the sunset that would never end and not stop until they ran out of gas. He was tempted to let her but he wasn't sure she'd let him hang on.

Parking in front of the building, she breathed slowly and clenched the handle bars, "I love you. I'm home. I'm with you. He can't touch me."

"That's right," He wrapped his arms around her, "I've got you. I love you. You're safe."

_I've got you. I love you. You're safe._ That would be their mantra for the evening. She'd tear everything she could get her hands on to bits and pieces until she fell to the ground in a pile of sobs. He'd pick her up and repeat the words over and over again because truer words would never be spoken. The ring was burning a hole in his pocket, but he knew with his wild animal that he had to make sure the timing was perfect or she'd tear him to pieces too. When the time was right, he'd give her the ring and make those words stone, _I've got you, I love you, you're safe. _


	5. Chapter 5

_The old man's still like he always was,  
But I love him anyway,  
If I learned one thing from him,  
it's my kids will never have to say,  
Walk a little straighter, Daddy..  
_-Walk A Little Straighter by Billy Currington;

* * *

December had set in upon the city of New York; a light, fluffy, slippery layer of snow covered the streets. Austin Hawthorne lay stretched out on the couch in a pair of Danny's boxers and his worn "Frankie Says Relax" shirt hanging loosely on her chest with an ice pack ace bandaged to her knee that was propped on the back of her couch. Her three year old brindle greyhound, Elvis, lay between her left leg and the back of the couch with his head resting on her abdomen as she scratched him between the ears, "You're just too fast for me, Bud." Elvis grumbled sympathetically and nuzzled her palm offering it a gentle lick before his eyes slowly fluttered close, "Yeah, a nap sounds really good right now."

Mockingly, the phone lay on the edge of the coffee table almost glaring at her as she reached out to grab it. She sighed and hit her head against the armrest of the couch as her mother's words weighed heavy in her head, "_Andy misses you._" Truth be told, she missed her big brother too but she was really good at holding a grudge. Austin wasn't sure if she'd ever get over the fact that he had left her standing in a cloud of dust while he ran off to the other side of the country to escape Jack Hawthorne's reach.

"I should call him," Austin spoke to the empty room as Elvis lifted an ear at his master's voice, "I mean, it's the holidays. I should at least call and talk to the kids. Yeah. The niece and nephew I've never met... C'mon Hawthorne. Bite the bullet. Dial the number. You can do it. You've done a lot harder stuff than dial ten digits... Austin Grace Hawthorne, call your brother."

She cursed every deity she could think of when the phone in her hand started ringing. A glance at the caller ID informed her it was Andrew and figured their mother must have been laying the guilt trip on him too. With a deep breath in and a slow exhale, she punched the answer button on the fifth ring, "Hawthorne."

"I'd thought for sure it'd be Messer by now, Midget." Andrew's scratchy voice swept through the phone line, into her ear, and began melting the ice on her heart.

"People keep telling me that," Austin chuckled and adjusted the pillow behind her head, "What's goin' on, Andy?"

"Can't a brother call his little sister to wish her a merry Christmas?" He asked and she could almost see him sitting at his desk with his feet propped on the edge and phone lodged between his ear and shoulder as he untangled his daughter's Barbie Doll from the wheels of his son's Tonka Truck.

"Sure," Austin smiled and twirled a piece of long brown hair around her finger, "now what do you want, Big Brother?"

"Mom said I should call."

"Katherine Hawthorne and her meddling ways." She sighed as Elvis readjusted himself moving up further on her abdomen to dig his paws into her rib cage, "Elvis, you oaf, git."

"Are you dating a freak named Elvis or did you acquire a pet?" She could literally hear his smirk and she was sure that he could hear her eye roll.

"It's my pet name for Danny, you know he likes to shake his hips." Her top teeth dug into her lower lip, "He's my dog and I should of named him Andrew for what a big moron he is. He ran head first into the big screen last week trying to attack a dog that was in the movie we were watching."

"Lovely," He responded and she heard him move the phone away from his mouth and mumble something to one of his kids, "Austin, Dallas wants to talk to you."

"Put her on."

Dallas Hawthorne was Andrew's five year old daughter who was named in honor of her aunt and, even though they had never met, Dallas idolized her. She heard some movement and then the little girl's voice, "Aunt Austin?"

"Hey, Baby." Austin smiled and allowed her eyes to drift to where a picture of Dallas and her little brother, Michael, sat on the end table, "Whatchya doin'?"

"Me and Mama's makin' cookies for the school party for tomorrow." Dallas spoke slowly and carefully as she tried hard to enunciate her words, "Mama's puttin' Mikey in timeout because he licked the spoon and put it in the bowl 'gain. He's so gross."

Austin laughed and shook her head at her nephew's antics, "Boys are gross. You remember that, okay Boo? And they don't stop bein' gross until you're at least forty."

"Can we 'kype 'gain, Aunt Austin?" Dallas asked, they had skyped for the first time on Austin birthday earlier in the year, "I wants ta see you."

"We will soon, Boo." She promised, "Can you put Daddy back on the phone and go help your Mama now?"

"Mhmm." And she could hear the girl's hair swooshing as she nodded vigorously, "Love you! MWAH!"

"Love you too."

"DAAAAADDY!" Dallas yelled and Austin pulled the phone away from her ear, "AUNT AUSTIN WANTS TO TALK TO YOUUUU!"

"Inside voice, Dallas." Andrew corrected and in the distance Austin heard Dallas screaming at her brother about how she had gotten to talk to her and Mikey hadn't followed by the wails of a three year old little boy who wanted to do everything his sister did, "She is so much like you it's scary, Aust."

"Right, like you weren't ever a mouthy little brat?" Austin teased, "We share DNA, Drew. Now that you've deflected with your daughter how about you tell me the point of this phone call."

"You aren't gonna like it."

Austin sighed, "Am I gonna not like it like I dislike ripping off a bandaid on hairy skin or am I gonna dislike it like I would dislike getting shot?"

"I'm thinking it's somewhere near the caliber of a bullet wound."

"Geez, Andy," She sighed, "How bad can it be? You're not dying are you?"

"No, but you might kill me." She could hear the fear in his voice and she wondered what could shake him so hard.

"Rip off the bandaid, Andrew."

"We're coming home for Christmas," Andy whispered, "and Mom wants... really, really, really wants us all home for Christmas day. She wants you to come visit – more than just standing in the driveway talking to her while keeping an eye out for Dad."

"No."

"Austin," His voice was shaky at best, "please. We're not gonna be in the city for very long and Ma says that Dad has really changed and I mean... I would really like to see you and Danny. Michelle and the kids want to meet you. Please. He's not gonna hurt you."

"Because he's already done all the damage a person can do," Despite the pain in her leg, she shot to a standing position and began to pace the living room, "I can't see him, Andrew, I can't. I can't be stuck in the same room with him pretending what happened never happened!"

"Austin," Andrew pleaded, "it was a long time ago. Can't you try? For me?"

"This is me trying for you," Austin pushed down the lump that was growing in her throat, "Don't you get it? I'm finally getting better. I am finally letting people in again. For the first time I have friends and a life and I don't feel like I'm trapped in that fucking basement. But I'm considering going back and facing that monster so I can see you and I'm telling you that I cannot do it!"

"C'mon, Austin," He coached, "I know you can do it. I'll be there and so will Mom and you can bring Danny. You'll have all the support in the world."

"Where was that support when he was throwing me around and locking me in the basement all night long," Austin's last bit of restraint broke and she screamed at him, "Huh? Where were you when he shoved me down the stairs and locked me unconscious and bleeding in the basement? Where were you when Danny pulled me out through the basement window and took me to the hospital where they admitted me for a week? You weren't here, Drew. You ran off with your tail between your legs to California to escape a man who only ever went after you. You were his perfect son but me, me he hated with every fiber of his being but you got to run. You ran and you didn't bother to try to save me. Why should I do this for you?"

"Because you're strong, Austin Grace." She could hear the tears that were falling on the other end of the line and sniffled back a sob that was hanging in her throat, "You're so much stronger than I ever was. Mom and I... we aren't as strong as you are, Little Sister. You never hesitated to stand up to him, don't stop now. Look him in the eye and let him see you proved him wrong, Austin. Come to Christmas and visit the family. He can't hurt you anymore, Austin. Prove it to him."

"You better know how much I love you, Andrew."

He cleared his throat, "I love you too, Austin."

"Tell Mom we'll see you at Christmas." She slammed the phone down on the cradle to disconnect the conversation.

Air got caught in her throat unable to reach her lungs or escape her mouth as she gasped for a breath. The world was spinning when she crumpled to the floor against the wall beneath her ACDC poster, drawing her knees to her chest, she rested her head in the crook they created as the tears she had never allowed to fall slowly rolled down her cheek one by one. Her chest shook with sobs as the tears flowed freely and she let out a strangled scream as she rocked herself back and forth in the tight ball she created. She had never allowed herself to cry, she had let herself be angry and a few tears escaped from pain over the years but she had never allowed herself to grieve the loss of her childhood and the emotional pain her childhood had caused. Her fist slammed into the carpet and she pulled violently at the threads of the soft beige beneath her as she screamed every curse in her vast arsenal of swear words.

The door opened and Danny paused in a brief moment of shock before slamming it behind him and rushing to her side. His knees got carpet burns through his jeans as he slid to the floor beside her and wrapped his arms tightly around her, "Austin-"

Her elbow slammed back against his ribs and she fought against his touch, "NO! Don't touch me!"

"Austin," Danny whispered, letting go of her but leaning in closely so she could hear him, "it's Danny. You're safe. There's no one here who's gonna hurt you. I won't touch you, but you've got to breathe Baby."

"They..." She hiccuped and tried to breathe as unconsciousness edged around her vision field and she forced herself to calm down, "They want me."

"Who wants you to what, Baby?"

"They want me to come home." She sobbed, "Andrew." She hiccuped, "Christmas." and again, "Promised."

"Andy's coming home for Christmas and your family wants you to come home?" Danny surmised, "Andy called?"

"He says I'm strong," Austin shook as adrenaline from the fight or flight response took over, "I'm supposed to be the strong one. Look him in the eye. I'm not strong. He ruined me."

"Austin Grace Hawthorne," Danny carefully reached out and stroked her jaw, lifting her head so she could look him in the eyes, "Look at me, Baby, I want you to hear me. Your father did a lot of things to you that were so horrible that no human being should ever have to endure but he did not ruin you. You are not ruined."

"He said he would," She whispered. Danny could tell that in her mind she was locked in that basement again and he had to pull her out, "He said he would make sure no one would want me. Promised that I was so broken and horrible when he was done with me that no one would ever want me."

"Your father's an idiot," Danny promised, "because I've never wanted anyone or anything as much as I want you. You're not ruined or broken, Austin, you're not that little girl anymore. You're not in that basement anymore. You're right here in this crappy apartment we bought with the little money I had from the minor leagues and the bit you scraped up babysitting that summer. You're right here with me. He can't touch you."

"Danny," She slowly reached out and grabbed a fist full of his shirt pulling him to her. He covered her with himself as if he could shield her from the entire world, "Don't leave me."

"Never, Baby," He moved to pick her up and she clung to his neck like a little child afraid of being dropped, "I'll never leave you."

He carried her down the hall to the bedroom they had shared off and on for the last ten years. He lowered her carefully to the bed as his lips trailed from her forehead to the apple of her cheeks where he kissed away her tears, down her throat as his hands busied himself with the most basic act of healing they ever knew. As he moved slowly, he looked up into her eyes and he saw her coming back to him as her fingers traced the chain of his grandfather's dog tags and grabbed them, using them to pull him back up to kiss her.

Darkness set into the room when Danny woke up to a mouth filled with brown curly hair. She was sleeping calmly, one foot peeking out from under the stark white comforter and an arm tossed across his chest with her face buried in the pillow muffling her soft snore. He pressed a kiss to her shoulder and then her temple before slipping out of bed. He pulled on the boxers that had been discarded in haste an hour earlier and he padded barefoot through the apartment, stopping to feed and pet Elvis.

He grabbed the phone and perched on the arm of the couch where he could keep a careful eye on his slumbering girlfriend while being well out of earshot. Danny scrolled through the call log until he found the number he needed and then he dialed.


	6. Chapter 6

_You're looking for a hero,  
But it's just my old tattoo,  
Tonight I swear I'd sell my soul,  
To be a hero for you...  
_-Bon Jovi's Superman Tonight;

* * *

A light layer of snow had covered New York City over night and continued to fall as people meandered the streets on Christmas Eve. Austin Hawthorne was sitting at her desk in the Manhattan precinct tapping her pen anxiously against the edge of a case file as she glanced at the clock for what felt like the umpteenth time. Across from her Don Flack sat sipping a cup of steaming hot chocolate and carefully seeing how far he could tip back on the wheels of his desk chair before he fell. With a growl, she grabbed a paperclip and tossed it at him, "Will you stop that before you break your neck?"

"And here I thought you didn't care at all." Flack laughed as he grabbed the paperclip and threw it back at the detective, "Who knew you had a soul, Hawthorne?"

"I just don't want to have to fill out paperwork for a new partner." She smirked and signed her name on the bottom of the file before tossing it in the growing pile, "Thanks for letting me borrow Samantha – I know you wanted her to play buffer between you and Papa Flack."

"Crazy old man still thinks I'm the one who broke his lamp." Flack muttered and leaned forward onto his desk, "You nervous about seeing your folks?"

"Not so much nervous as I am ticked off that Andy played me into coming." She sighed and ran a hand through her hair, "And the fact that I have to go out on Christmas Eve to get presents."

"Didn't you have three days off last week when you could have went?"

"Shut up, Duck."

–

Pulling her coat tightly around her, Austin breathed warmth into her cupped hands as she walked down the steps of the precinct to where Sam Flack stood arguing with her big brother. Back in high school when Austin and Don had dated for a brief moment in time, Austin had made quick friends with Samantha who was four years her junior. She smiled as she finally reached the sidewalk, "Hey, Sam."

"Austin!" Samantha's arms encircled her and squeezed so tightly that breathing was difficult, "Good to see you. Will you please tell my big brother that I've been making my own life choices for the last twenty-five years and I don't need him runnin' background checks on my boyfriends."

Austin turned to Flack with one armed wrapped around Samantha, "She's been making her own life choices for twenty-five years and she doesn't need you runnin' background checks on her boyfriends."

"Fine," He threw his hands up in defeat, "I can never win with you two."

"Have a good time with your folks, Duck." Austin called over her shoulder as she pulled Sam down the sidewalk.

He called after her,"Bite me, Austin."

She flipped the bird in his general direction before burying her hands back in the pockets of her coat, "So, who's the boyfriend that Don doesn't think is worthy?"

"His names Jimmy and he's real sweet!" Sam protested, her Yonkers accent growing thicker, "Just cause he got caught with pot once like three years ago doesn't make him a bad guy!"

"You're the reason I caught him plucking gray hairs last week."

–

The sun had long since set when Austin let herself into the apartment that evening. The living room was dimly lit and Danny sat on the floor by the coffee table surrounded by wrapping paper and an a half empty pizza box before him. She smiled, dropping her bags onto the couch and flopping down beside him grabbing his wrist and directing the next bite of pizza to her mouth before letting her head slump against his shoulder. He wrapped his left arm around her and pressed kisses to her hair, "I take it shopping wasn't fun?"

"Not so much," She mumbled sleepily, "Seeing Sam was great but people are mean – I almost got in a fist fight over that stupid doll Dallas wanted."

"Poor baby," He guided the next bite of pizza to her lips, "and you still have to wrap them."

"Shut your mouth."

They sat together in silence for a long while; swapping bites of pizza and wrapping the gifts for the following day. When they had them finished it was midnight and "A Christmas Story" had just begun on TBS. Austin looked over at Danny, "Can we just do our presents now? I mean, it's technically Christmas."

"Don't you want to wait on Santa?" Danny asked and winked at her before standing and helping her up, "You make the hot chocolate and I'll pull them out of the closet."

"Deal."

Ten minutes later they were sitting on the couch with small piles of Christmas presents between them. Their eyes locked and Austin held up her hand, counting down to one before they dove into the presents, tearing the wrapping paper to shreds. There was the usual pack of Hanes tank tops, new Converse, and a selection of five dollar DVDs purchased near the check-out counter at Wal-mart and then they were left with the final presents. Something sentimental and "large" was always the last present they opened. Austin pulled Danny's out from behind her back and placed it in his lap, "You better like it or I'll kick your butt."

"I'm sure I'll love it." Danny smiled and ran his finger under the taped edge of Yankees wrapping paper that covered the heavy object. He pulled the lid off the box that was beneath the paper and his jaw slacked, "Home plate?"

"Not just any home plate, Buddy," She grinned and tapped her fingers on the hard surface, "That is the home plate from the diamond at South Bronx High where you swung the winning home run that lead us to state your senior year."

"Austin," He whispered and ran his hand over the plate, "this is perfect... How did you get it?"

"Sweet talked Coach and he agreed that his former All-State player who made it all the way into the Triple A's needed his home plate." Austin smiled as Danny looked at the present with a look of astonishment before leaning across the space between them to pull her into a kiss, "You like it?"

"Like it? Baby, you got me home plate... my home plate..." Unable to finish his thought he crushed his lips to hers again.

"Alright, enough of that," She pulled away, "my present please?"

"Yes, Princess." He rolled his eyes and pulled a rectangular box wrapped in cherry red wrapping paper from behind his back, "Merry Christmas, Austin."

"Danny," She pulled the box open and her breath hitched in her throat, "Danny... no..." Her fingers ran over the dog tags that were sitting in the box as she looked up to note that his were indeed missing. Her fingers traced over where William Messer had been imprinted on the metal, "They were your grandpa's, Danny, I can't..."

"You can," He closed her hand around the tags and smiled at her, "Grandma gave them to me when he died and, ya know, they were my good luck charm and for so long I thought they were the most important thing in my life. Then I realized... you're the most important thing in my life, Austin... you're my good luck."

"Danny," She couldn't fight the tears from falling as she ran her thumb over the cool metal in her hand, "I... thank you."

"I know you're not ready for a ring and I know you know I have one," Danny whispered as he took the dog tags from her and slid them over her head, "but when you face your dad tomorrow I want you to know that you're not alone. I'm gonna be right there and that's not gonna change."

"I love you," Austin sniffled as he lifted her hair from under the chain and she leaned in to kiss him for all the words she couldn't say. Her fingers curling around his neck and cupping his jaw to pull him closer, "I love you, Danny."

He trailed his fingers down the metal to where the tags hit just above her heart and pressed his palm flat against them, "I love you too."

–

Danny had talked her out of wearing fancy clothes in favor that she should be in something comfortable around her family, so Austin sat in the passenger seat of the Oldsmobile picking at her jeans and fussing with her sweater stalling the inevitable. Danny's hand reached across the console and squeezed hers lightly, "Five minutes is up. Time to face the music, Sweetheart."

"Alright." She whispered and forced herself to climb out of the car. The house door flew open and three feet of energy and chocolate hair shot across the lawn in a flurry that collided with Austin's legs, "Hi Dallas."

"Aunt Austin!" The little girl clung to her legs and Austin stroked her hair, "Daddy says I had to wait til you got out of the car and you finally did. It took forever! Were you in time out?"

Austin couldn't fight the smile as she lifted the little girl, "No, Sweetheart, I was just having a scared moment but I'm all better now."

"You were scared?" Dallas asked in shock that a grown up could be afraid of anything, "Was it like that bubbly feeling in your tummy when you have to see people? I gotted that last night when we met Gramma and Granpa."

"That's exactly it." She smiled and nodded her head at Danny, "That's Uncle Danny can you tell him hi?"

"Hi Uncle Danny!" Dallas spoke louder than necessary and waved her arm vigorously, "Can we go 'side now? It's cold."

"Yeah," Danny joined them, his arms loaded down with presents, "Silly Aunt Austin wants us to get frostbite."

"What's frostbite?" Dallas' brows burrowed in confusion.

Austin laughed, "Nothing to worry about, Uncle Danny is a goober. Let's go in."

They were greeted with a lovely warmth when they stepped inside. Austin froze in the doorway her eyes looking from the living room to the left to the kitchen on the right where her eyes stuck staring at the basement door. The door had been repainted and the lock had been removed the but feeling in the pit of her stomach made her nauseous as she hugged Dallas tighter. The little girl's happiness had a way of calming her down and she drank it in before placing Dallas on the floor to wander off.

"You okay?" Danny asked as he wiped his feet on the rugs and sat the presents down on the table by the door.

"Yeah," Austin shot him a forced smile and hung her coat up as two arms lifted her clear off the ground, "Andrew Jackson Hawthorne!"

"Hey Midget." Andy laughed as he spun her around to hug her properly, "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too." Austin pulled back to fully look at him; he was the male version of herself he had the same nose and dark brown hair that always fell into his eyes no matter how he cut it. He was standing in a deep red flannel and black jeans with his socked feet getting wet in the snow that Dallas had tracked in.

"Hey Danny," Andrew extended his hand to his former best friend.

Danny shot him a look that informed him of a chat they would be having later as he cordially shook his hand, "Andrew. Nice to see you."

"Come on." Andrew pulled Austin into the living room, "You've got to meet people."

"Andy," Austin hesitated momentarily before following him, "you're worse than Dallas."

"I keep telling him that," A woman with dark auburn hair stood with a half-asleep toddler on her hip, "I'm Michelle. It's nice to finally meet you. I hear you have all kinds of stories on that husband of mine."

"I could write a book," Austin smiled and accepted the one armed hug before turning her attention to the three year old, "Which means you must be Mikey."

"Aunt Tin-Tin." He mumbled around his thumb and reached for her.

Austin gladly accepted the child and pressed kisses to his messy red-brown locks, "Aunt Tin-Tin? Where'd you hear that?"

"He may have overheard a story or two?" Andy shrugged, "Sorry, Rin-Tin-Tin."

"You're in for it, Drew. Just wait."

Andy smirked, "Bring it, Little Sister."

She smiled at him and placed Mikey on the floor to attack his big sister who was growling at him. As she looked up, her breath caught in her throat as Jackson Hawthorne came down the stairs. She hadn't seen her father since she had left in haste thirteen years ago. He looked the same; a little softer around the edges with gray hair and glasses but he still wore the same white t-shirts tucked into his black slacks. He caught her eye and she swallowed hard, "Daddy."

"Little Girl," He offered a soft smile and she had to close her eyes to remind herself of the person he once was and her belief that he would never change, "good to see you."

"Yeah." She coughed idly, "I'm gonna go see if Mom needs any help."

Danny caught her hand as she walked by where he was placing the gifts under the Christmas tree. He looked up at her trying to make sure she hadn't shut herself off. She squeezed his hand back and offered a small smile in return before continuing onto the kitchen where her mother was mashing potatoes, "Hey."

"Hey there," Katherine dropped the masher into the pan and turned to hug her daughter, "I'm glad you decided to come."

"Still not sure it was the right decision but I'm here nonetheless." Austin hugged her mother back and tried to draw strength from the tiny woman, "You need any help?"

"Honey," Katherine shot her a look, "I'm getting older but I'm not senile. Stay clear of my stove and sharp objects."

"One bloody Easter and you're labeled a klutz forever."

Dinner was ready and everyone gathered around the table to say grace and dug into their food. Mikey and Dallas stuffed their faces as quickly as possible, bouncing in their chairs while chanting "presents!" and Austin picked at her food while clinging to Danny's hand under the table. She listened to Dallas' animated stories of her swimming class and Mikey's story about how his pet lizard had escaped. Andy regaled her with stories of the Oakland PD and Austin did everything she could not to look in her father's general direction.

After second helpings and a round of pie the adults finally gave into the children's pleas for presents. Austin took a seat on the floor sandwiched between Danny and Dallas as her father played Santa Claus. Her throat ached as she watched him hand her little niece presents and kiss her cheek while squeezing her sides to make her erupt in a round of giggles.

He was reaching over to hand Katherine a present when he lay his hand on Austin's shoulder for stability. In an instant, her eyes blinked close and every moment of anger he had laid against her skin came roaring back in a pain that made her heart bust into a thousand little pieces. In a moment that was nearly slow motion, Andrew had grabbed the kids and Michelle – herding them out of the room and up the stairs as Danny pulled her back and Katherine moved to get in between father and daughter.

Her full body weight pulled against Danny as she tried to reach him, "Don't touch me! I'm not eight years old anymore, Dad!"

"Austin," Jack spoke softly, "please calm down."

"No!" She cried as she struggled against Danny's grip, "You don't get to tell me to calm down anymore! You don't get to pretend that nothing bad ever happened! The hell you put me through didn't disappear in the last thirteen years!"

"Austin," It was Danny's voice in her ear, "you're okay. Stop fighting me. You're okay. No one is going to hurt you, I'm right here and I won't let anything happen to you."

"I wanna hurt him, Danny," Austin sobbed as she pulled hard to break free of him, "I want him to hurt just as bad as he ever hurt me."

"He does, Austin," He spoke softly, "He does, Baby. Look at him. Seeing you like this is killing him."

Jack stood with Katherine's hand against his chest keeping him from reaching out to try to help calm her. His own tears were pooling in his eyes as he looked at the mess he had long ago created, the pain he had inflicted on his only little girl and it nearly killed him. Austin looked up to meet her father's eyes and she weakened slightly, collapsing against Danny who followed her to the floor and wrapped his arms around her, "I've got you."

"Don't let go." She whimpered as she buried herself in his chest.

–

Austin sat on the steps, Dallas between her legs on the step below her as she played with the little girls hair until her nerves settled. Danny sat with Andrew, Michelle, Katherine and Jack in the kitchen. He looked around at the group who was obviously unsettled by the breakdown they had just witnessed, "So, uhm, I take it Michelle knows?"

"Yeah," Andrew nodded and took his wife's hand, "how long has it been this bad, Danny?"

"Since I came and got her that night," Danny ran his hand through his hair, "Normally, she's the most stable person I know, but when it comes to you all she's still seventeen and afraid for her life. She still feels like Andrew abandoned her, that Katherine tried but couldn't save her, and that Jack hates her more than any thing."

"Bu-"

"I know things have changed and Jack, I'm really grateful you've gotten help," Danny stood and leaned against the island in the middle of the kitchen, "but she's still really angry and we all know how justifiable that is."

Jackson nodded as he rolled his AA chip between his fingers, "Yeah, son, we do. Has she gotten any help?"

"She saw a therapist for five years after she moved out," Danny nodded, "Lady said she had extreme PTSD and Austin saw her until she joined the Academy."

–

"Aunt Austin," Dallas knelt on the step and wrapped her arms around Austin's neck, "you 'kay?"

"Yeah," She smiled and kissed Dallas' forehead, "I'm fine, Sweetheart. I'm sorry I yelled earlier."

"That's 'kay," Dallas gave her a small smile, "Daddy said that Granpa wasn't nice to you when you was little and that's why you were scared before. Were yous scared when you was yellin'?'

"Yeah, baby," Austin smiled at the little girl's intuitiveness, "I was really, really scared but Uncle Danny helped me not be so scared anymore."

"Oh," Dallas nodded, "Good. We like Uncle Danny."

"We do?" Austin chuckled and pulled Dallas into her lap, "I'm glad he has your seal of approval."

–

"And maybe you can come ta 'fornia for my birthday!" Dallas suggested, clinging to Austin's legs in the foyer as she pulled her coat on, "Maybe, Aunt Austin? Maybe?"

"Maybe," Austin knelt and kissed the little girl's cheek before hugging her tightly, "I love you. We'll skype soon, okay?"

"Okay." Dallas smiled and moved to tell Danny goodbye, "Uncle Danny! If Aunt Austin comes to 'fornia for my birthday you have to come to! Kay?"

Austin shook her head as she kissed a sleepy Michael goodbye and hugged Michelle, "It was nice to finally meet my sister-in-law."

When the goodbyes were finished, Danny cared their presents to the car as Austin lagged behind blowing kisses at Dallas in the window. Finally she got the car and fell into the passenger side seat with a look of pure exhaustion. Danny slid in the driver's side and looked over at her, "So, consensus?"

She smiled, "It went better than I could have expected."


	7. Chapter 7

**This was written on my new computer. Gah, I can't even. It's amazing and beautiful and I love it very much but that's not what y'all are here for so I'll shuddup.**

**Dedicated to Rachel (OneTurtleDove) and Brittney (Teliko.x3 - even though she'll never read this). I love my family. ;)**

**Disclaimer: The standard bs that no one really gives a rat's tushy about.**

Her deep red tunic danced around her as she flitted from room to room preparing for their New Years Eve party. Alcohol was lined up on the kitchen counter waiting to be mixed and poured, music floated softly from the surround sound system in the living room, and the balls on the pool table had been racked in preparation for a game. Austin muttered a curse under her breath as her toe collided with the edge of the coffee table; Danny had talked her into throwing a small party – just them and a few friends. It was seven thirty and their first guest would be arriving any moment; Austin tossed in another curse – this time aimed at Danny because he was still in the shower.

"Daniel Dominic Messer if your ass isn't out of that shower in two minutes," She hollered over her shoulder, "I swear I'm-"

Two arms engulfed her from behind, "Nag, nag, nag. You're emasculating me, Woman."

"So," She grinned and leaned back against him, "that's just your cellphone I'm feeling?"

"Austin Grace, behave." He swatted her on her behind as a knock came on their door, "Go entertain. I've got to find a clean shirt."

"I laid one out for you!" She turned and glared at him, swatting his bare chest.

He grinned sheepishly, "An incident with too much cologne."

"Go," She shoved him toward the bedroom before padding barefoot to the door. She stood on her tiptoes and glanced through the peep hole to see Lindsay Monroe and her lab tech boyfriend, Adam Ross. She pulled the door open and smiled, "Yo! Geek Squad! Welcome."

"Classy entrance as always," Lindsay grinned at her. The two had become fast friends over the last few cases they had worked together and a few coffee runs.

"Damn straight."

"You're a doll," The Montanan CSI grinned and nodded her head at Adam, "You two have met right?"

"A few times," She lead them into the apartment, "Sup, Adam?"

"Sky," He hooked his thumbs through his belt loops and rocked on his heels, "last I checked."

"Awesome," She shot them two thumbs up, "Make yourselves at home. Want something to drink?"

"Water's fine." They spoke in unison.

Austin smiled, "Yoko, John. Pacing yourselves, I respect that."

Before long the party was going at full pace. Mac and Stella were sitting next to each other on the couch talking and sipping their respective drinks – Mac's a whiskey on the rocks and Stella's red wine. Flack was losing a game of pool to Jessica Angell while Samantha sat on the edge of the table harassing her brother. Austin was putting her old bartender skills to work mixing drinks for everyone. Danny wrapped his arms around her and pressed a kiss to the base of her neck, "Hey, Coyote Ugly."

"Hush," She took a shot of vodka and turned to kiss him lightly, "I'm not on the table dancing yet so I am still sober enough to kick your butt up above your ears."

"Lovely," Danny gave her a funny look with his eyebrows furrowed and eyes narrowed, "_Yet_? Is there table top dancing in your future? Please say yes."

"Pervert," She whacked his shoulder with the back of her hand, "and if the right song comes on I doubt you'll be able to stop me – though I'd appreciate it if you tried."

"Not a chance in hell, Baby." He grinned mischievously and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

She handed him the drink she had been preparing for him and shoved him towards the living room, "Go entertain, ya doofus."

"Wow," Lindsay grinned as she came into the room, "You two really are an old married couple."

Austin sighed and hopped on an empty space of counter, "We really are. I guess twenty odd years will do that to a person."

"You guys have known each other that long?"

"Yep," Austin nodded and did the mental math, "it was twenty-one years last August. A week after I turned twenty-six."

"I didn't know that." She smiled, "So, we decided that Adam would be the designated driver and I have a two drink limit. What do you recommend, Barkeep?"

Austin grabbed a bottle of Sam Adams and handed it to her friend, "Have a beer now and then you can have a shot or a little bit of wine at midnight."

"You're so smart," Lindsay hopped on the counter beside her, cracking open her beer and taking a swig.

"I'm a frickin' Rhodes Scholar." Austin countered and took a sip of the concoction she had been mixing before her kitchen had been invaded, "This is either very good or very bad."

Lindsay leaned over and gave the drink a sniff, "Holy... What is in there, Hawthorne? I think my BAL just broke the legal limit sniffing that."

"A healthy dose of a bunch of unhealthy stuff." She explained with a chuckle as she took a long sip from the tumbler with a cringe, "I'm going to have to go with very bad," She tilted her head back and drained the glass like a pro, "no use in wasting good liquor though."

"You never fail to astonish me," Lindsay shook her head with a grin.

Austin rolled her eyes as she made to make Mac another drink after noting his was almost empty, "Shuddup and tell me about you and Geekboy."

"You're trying to be insulting but that's his superhero name for himself." Lindsay informed her as Austin coughed 'nerd' into her elbow, "there's not much to tell really. We were friends who decided we like swappin' spit and huggin' each other."

"And they say I'm crass." Austin giggled and held up a finger to indicate one moment as she scurried into the living room to give Mac his drink. She swapped out his now empty glass for the fresh one and hugged his neck before returning, "as you were saying?"

Lindsay gave her the most incredulous look she could muster, "How did you know that he wanted another drink?"

"I was a bartender before I became a cop, Monroe," She explained, "my last steady gig was a cop bar. Flack and Danny used to drag Mac out with them when they could. I know his limit and, believe me, he's nowhere near it. And even when he's drunk he's more sober than a sober man."

"Storing that for future reference."

Around eleven she was in the middle of emptying Flack's wallet via a game of pool. Cue stick was behind her back and threaded through her fingers as she called the 8 ball in the corner pocket. She tapped the ball lightly as it rolled across the table and slipped into the pocket with an expert ease. Flack growled and laid another five on the corner of the table under the empty shot glasses. They racked up for another game and Austin collected her winnings when the Spice Girls "Wannabe" began playing on the XM radio.

"Austin!" Samantha Flack rushed to her side and pulled her towards the coffee table, "We gotta do the dance."

"I'm not drunk enough for this," Austin yelled over the music as a shot was shoved in her hand. With a sigh, she tossed the drink back and climbed onto the table with her friend. A few years back she had been visiting Samantha at CUNY before she dropped out and the two had ended up at a frat party dancing on tables to the anthem from their high school days.

Her body was shaking with laughter when they finished the kooky dance and hopped off the table. Everyone applauded through their laughter and Flack shot his little sister a disapproving glare that she returned with a raised middle finger. Danny grabbed Austin and lifted her off the floor and placed her on the edge of the pool table. She grinned salaciously and tucked her fingers into the pockets of his jeans pulling him to stand in front of her, "Can I help you, Mr. Messer?"

"Told you that you'd be dancing on table tops before the night was over," Danny chuckled and kissed her soundly on the lips.

"Hey," Stella called from the couch where she was nursing her second glass of wine, "save it for midnight!"

"Busted," Angell singsonged as she walked past them and Austin stuck her tongue out at her friend.

Midnight was upon them in a matter of minutes as everyone paired up for the New Years kiss. As Dick Clark and the crowds in the street counted down, everyone drank their drinks and, at the end of the countdown, kissed. Stella pecked Mac on his cheek, Samantha received a sloppy lick on the cheek from Austin's greyhound, Lindsay and Adam shared a chaste kiss on the lips, Flack laid one on Jessica Angell, and Danny kissed Austin the way he kissed her every time – with his heart involved in equal amounts as the rest of his body. They pulled apart and Danny pressed a kiss to her forehead, "Happy New Years, Austin."

"Happy New Years, Danny."


	8. Chapter 8

**I realize I didn't post lyrics on the last chapter. I was busy house sitting and didn't even realize it until a few days later. Also, I apologize for the wait. Blame my muse and thank Rachel for the constant pushes to write. **

**

* * *

**_And I'll be your crying shoulder,  
I'll be love's suicide,  
I'll be better when I'm older,  
I'll be the greatest fan of your life  
_-Edwin McCain's 'I'll Be'

* * *

Late February rains fell heavily upon the city streets as Austin Hawthorne sprinted from the corner store to her apartment. The cold rains had soaked her to the bone and made the paper sacks in her arms weigh twice what they normally would as she nudged the door open. Three flights of stairs later and she was trying to figure out how to retrieve her keys from her waterlogged jeans when Danny pulled the door open, "You could have just yelled for me."

"I thought you were asleep," She raked her eyes over his freshly showered form. He stood before her barefoot in a pair of jeans with his towel draped around his shoulders, "I was gonna surprise you."

"What's your motive?" He teased and took the bags from her, leading the way into the apartment.

She stripped off her soaked jacket and spread it over the heater before following him, "An intense desire not to eat baking soda for breakfast."

He made quick work of putting the food away, leaving the soggy boxes of poptarts and cereal out to air dry before turning back to her, "You look like a drowned rat."

"I'm starting to regret this feeding you idea I had," She rolled her eyes and tossed him the can of shaving cream she had picked up, "go shave your face, Mountain Man. If I have to hear Flack make one more dirty joke about the beard burn on my neck I'm gonna shoot 'im."

"You're the one who used all my shaving cream to make smiley faces on the bathroom mirror," Danny took her hand and pulled her down the hallway to the bathroom. His hands were warm against her freezing skin as he pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it in the corner of the room, it was slowly joined by her bra, jeans and underwear before he wrapped his robe around her. Pulling his towel from around his shoulders, he wordlessly began drying her hair.

When her hair had been wrapped in the damp towel, she slid onto the counter and filled the sink with water. She filled her hand with shaving cream and amply applied it to his face, pausing to drop a kiss to his lips, and grabbed his razor. She was careful as she slid the razor across his chin, jaw, and neck. Every once and awhile she would stop and kiss the now smooth skin. When she was finished, he nuzzled the smooth skin of his cheek against the beard burn he had given her the morning prior. She leaned back, her fingers hooking the waistband of his jeans and pulling him impossibly closer, she extended her neck and kissed him soundly.

Fingers interlaced, he pulled her from the counter top, walking backwards as he guided her down the hallway to their room. Pausing for slow, languid kisses in the hallway and shedding the little bit of clothing that separated them before slamming the door closed behind them.

–

"Step away from the stove," Danny wrapped his arms around Austin's middle and pulled her back from where she was cooking macaroni and cheese, "I don't have the money to buy you a new place."

"Hardy har har, jackass." She rolled her eyes, "I was hungry and you were too busy sleeping to feed me."

He dropped a kiss to the top of her head before taking over the lunch preparations, "I've got this. Go find something on TV."

"Kickin' me out of my own kitchen – you're lucky I love you and you're nice to look at, Messer." She teased and pinched his side before sauntering out from the kitchen, "C'mon, Elvis, at least I can't screw up your food."

Austin flopped onto the couch after feeding the overtly excited greyhound. Her hair was now dry and she had covered herself in Danny's thickest pair of socks, his sweatpants, his beater, and her own plaid but was still freezing as she pulled the afghan off the back of the couch around her. Grabbing the remote, she flicked through channels until stumbling upon a rerun of _Friends_ on TBS. Three minutes later she was giggling over something Chandler had said, Danny's arms were around her, and they were sharing a large bowl of macaroni and cheese.

"This," She mumbled around her fork, "is the best mac and cheese I have ever eaten. What's your secret Chef Messer?'

"Can't share unless you have the last name Messer," Danny chuckled as Elvis joined them on the couch, "My mama made me swear."

"Mama's boy," Austin teased as Elvis flopped on her feet, "Elvis, you fat butt." However, the dog was warm and she gratefully burrowed her feet beneath him.

–

They had spent the majority of the afternoon wrapped up in each other on the couch. Danny had only gotten up twenty minutes prior to put one of the "heat and eat" lasagnas in the oven. Austin had moved to the end of the couch and was strumming aimlessly on her guitar to whatever song she could remember. Danny watched intently as she slipped from Avril Lavigne to Pearl Jam to Nirvana and back again.

His breathing hitched when she looked up from the guitar to catch his eye and shoot him a smile. Something churned inside of him and, without his permission, his feet carried him down the hall and his hands reached on their own accord into his nightstand to retrieve the velvet box containing his great-grandmother's ring. With shaking hands, he walked back to the living room and moved to take a seat on the coffee table in front of her. She looked up at him and quirked her brow, "What's up, Danny?"

"I love you," His voice was hoarse and his mind went blank as his mouth began to ramble, "I've loved you since as far back as I can remember. That moment when you chucked your doll at Andy's head and told him that he sucked. I knew from that moment on that you were the only girl for me." He cracked the box open and slid to one knee in front of her, "It's been twenty-one years since that day, Austin Grace Hawthorne, and I've never stopped loving you for a second of it. Will you marry me?"

Tears clouded her vision as she chuckled, "It took you long enough."

"Is that a yes?" He asked, his heart palpitating in his chest.

She nodded as he slid the ring on her finger, "That's a yes."


	9. Chapter 9

**Alright, I tried my hardest to line this up with Snow Day and Rachel's chapter. Thanks for the reviews. **

**

* * *

**_Why wait another minute,  
For something we should have done yesterday,  
I know a little church who can hook us up right of way,  
Love don't need a reason,  
Baby, I don't see how I could love you anymore than I do today,  
So why wait?  
_-Rascal Flatts' 'Why Wait';

* * *

"Lucky bastard." Austin Hawthorne mumbled as she clicked off the TV when the camera tightened it's angle on her partner. Every muscle in her body was stiff and she slowly stretched them all. Yesterday she had taken a tumble down a flight of stairs while chasing a suspect through Greenwich Village in the rain so she had been given the day off to recuperate despite her best protests. So, her partner had lead the biggest drug bust in New York City history while she sat at home cuddling with her dog and taking maximum doses of Tylenol every six hours.

She needed a run; her knees were aching and pressure was building in her joints that would only go away with a relaxing run. Popping her back, she made her way down the hallway to change into her running gear, spinning her engagement ring around her finger as she did so. It had been a month since Danny had proposed and they hadn't done much planning. She was finally used to the weight of it on her finger but it didn't stop her from staring at it every once and awhile.

The ring wasn't overtly ornate. Danny's great-grandfather had bought it with the little money he had scraped up working at the leather factory. A small diamond rest in the middle of a silver band surrounded by small emeralds that were the exact shade of her eyes. It was perfect for her; it wouldn't get caught on anything while she was working and it was understated while beautiful. She had made a habit of spinning it around her finger while she read over case files while Flack sent her pointed smirks from across their joined desks.

Stepping out of the bedroom in her running pants and Danny's CUNY shirt, she pulled her hair into a messy bun on top of her head and grabbed Elvis' leash. She whistled for him and he came running, "Wanna go for a run, baby?"

Austin hooked the leash on his collar and off they went. She had rescued Elvis three years prior after the dog had been retired from the race tracks. It wasn't easy to keep him as active as he needed to be with living in the city but she tried to take him out for runs on her days off so he could stretch his legs. They would start off at a slow run until they reached the entrance to the park and then they kicked up their speed for the next four miles with a cool down stretch on the way back home.

Running had always been Austin Hawthorne's favorite form of exercise. She loved to lose herself in the pounding of her heartbeat and the moment when she kicked past the burning in her chest and into a land of the endorphin rush. As she ran her mind would clear and she would slip into memories, good ones, from her past.

_The summer of nineteen ninety-two was a scorcher and eleven year old Austin Hawthorne was hellbent on soaking up every single ray. She was outside from the moment she woke up, seeing what kind of trouble she, her brother, and Danny Messer could get into. They climbed trees, raced to the park, and spent their allowances as bus money to Coney Island. She had also learned that every moment she wasn't at home with her father was another moment she wasn't getting beat, so she learned to be gone as much as possible. _

_It was late in July and her young heart was still reeling from the fact that Danny Messer had kissed her on the fourth. They had been sitting on the porch, sharing a cherry popsicle, when Danny had leaned over and kissed her. Of course, Andrew had socked his best friend in the jaw and the two kids had become the main point of harassment from the adults but nothing could make Austin unhappy after that. Since that day the two had been holding hands and stealing kisses on the swing set in the Hawthorne backyard. _

_That particular day found Austin in her raveling cut-offs and her hair a mess of thick riotous curls from the humidity. Austin had escaped her house at a quarter after six that morning when her parents had started in screaming at each other. She slipped out her bedroom window, shimmied down the drain pipe, hopped the fence to the neighbor's yard and took off to the Oak that led right up to Danny Messer's bedroom window. Danny was going to his grandparent's for the day and Austin had been invited to come along, the Messers being fully aware of what could happen to the little girl if she was left home alone. _

_They spent the morning talking to his grandmother while she made them her special chocolate chip pancakes. After lunch they had managed to soak each other in a fight over the hose, and by two o'clock they had fallen into exhausted, sunburned heaps in the tree house that had belonged to Danny's father. Austin lay on the wooden floor, arms tucked behind her head, and looking up through the hole in the tin roof. Danny lay next to her tapping his foot against a milk crate that housed old books, "Hey Austin?"_

"_Yeah?" She turned on her side to look at him, propping her chin her hand. _

_He gave her his best crooked grin, "Will you marry me?" _

_She looked at him long and hard before giggling and shoving his shoulder. She jumped to her feet and all but jumped to the ground below, "You gotta catch me first." _

Austin smiled at the memory as they reached the home stretch. Elvis kicked up his pace on instinct and she sprinted to keep up with him as they raced the final ten blocks home. When she finally came to a stop in front of the apartment building, huffing for air, she looked at the dog, "Good run, dude. You made me work for it."

She let herself into the apartment, unleashed Elvis who headed straight for his water dish, punched the 'check messages' button on the answering machine as she headed for the fridge. She was half-way through guzzling a bottle of Aquafina when Don Flack's voice infiltrated her ears, "Danny and Adam have been hurt. Call Monroe and meet me at St. Mark's. Now."

The bottle slipped from her hand, clattering against the hardwood as she grabbed her keys and cellphone, sprinting for the door. She punched speed dial number four and waited for the line to kick on, "Lindsay..."

–

Her sneakers squeaked against the tile floor of the emergency room as she looked for someone who had answers. She was getting ready to tear into the woman running the admissions desk when Flack caught her wrist, "Austin."

"What happened?" She asked as Lindsay Monroe joined her, "all I got was some gibberish about Danny and Adam getting hurt, calling Lindsay, and getting here now."

"And I got all that secondhand," Lindsay crossed her arms over her chest and gave him a glare not all dissimilar to the one Austin was wearing.

"Look, there was a case and it went bad. Some Irish mob guys." Flack shook his head, "It's unimportant. I'm assuming you'll be wanting to see your men right about now. Danny's got a couple broken fingers, Adam's got a few burns, and they both got the crap kicked out of them. They have to spend the night and they're all drugged up. That's all I know." He lead them to the doorway of the hospital room before excusing himself to check on Mac and Stella.

Austin watched her friend race to her boyfriend's side while she paused, pressing her hand against the doorway, and looking at Danny in the hospital bed. Three of his fingers were taped together, his face was bruised, and his eyes were glassed over from the drugs. Taking a deep breath, she walked over to him and he smiled up at her.

She licked her lips, preparing to say something incredibly witty, but her breath caught in her throat and tears flooded her eyes instead. She interlaced their fingers with his good hand and dropped her forehead to rest against his. Their eyes locked for a moment and a few tears escaped, landing on his cheeks, and he breathed slowly, trying to reassure her that he was okay. Her eyes closed tight and swallowing the lump in her throat, she dropped a kiss to his lips before pulling away, "You just had to get yourself taken hostage, huh?"

"Smart Ass." He mumbled groggily and kissed her chin before falling back against his pillow.

She sniffled and shook her head, "I love you, you moron."

"I love you too, Graceless."

She held his good hand and fed him jello until the doctor came in and ordered them out. The patients needed their rest and hovering girlfriends weren't going to help matters. The boys were set to be released the next afternoon and Austin promised to be back the very moment she could the next day. Standing at the doorway to the hospital room, she looked over her shoulder one last time to see Danny and Adam already fighting over what they were going to watch until they passed out. She caught Danny's eye and offered a small smile before following Lindsay down the hallway.

–

"You look like crap," Danny told her when she walked into the hospital room at a quarter til twelve the next morning.

Austin rolled her eyes and flopped down in the chair next to his bed, "I spent last night on Lindsay's pullout. You don't look so hot either by the way."

"I got the crap kicked out of me by the Irish Mob yesterday."

"Oh, right, that." She smirked, "Anyways, the nurse said that the doctor should be here soon to sign your release forms. I have something I want to discuss with you while we wait."

He took her hand in his, laying the broken one on top of it, "Shoot."

She bowed her head to press a kiss to his broken fingers, "What are your thoughts on April 17th?"

"April 17th?" His brow furrowed in confusion.

"To get married. April 17th."

He chuckled, "Seems like an alright date to me. You do realize that gives you barely four weeks to throw a wedding together."

Austin smiled and half-stood, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth, "I know, I just don't want to wait anymore."


	10. Chapter 10

**Let's not jinx it but I think I've found a rhythm with this story. Cooperative muses are such a nice thing. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! You guys rock. **

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* * *

**_Ooh Baby do you know what that's worth  
Ooh heaven is a place on earth  
They say in heaven love comes first  
We'll make heaven a place on earth  
_-Belinda Carlisle's 'Heaven On Earth';

* * *

Fear wasn't allowed to be part of the job because it had a way of sinking into your skin and causing irreparable mistakes. Danny Messer stood in the hallway of the Manhattan apartment building trying to be anything besides afraid as he watched her. She had a confidence, an air of invincibility, as she stood with her gun drawn in her left hand as her right hand pounded against the door, "NYPD, open up!" He watched as her eyes flicked to her partner, "was that a window opening?"

"Let's go." Flack replied as Austin swung her body around, the sole of her boot slamming just above the doorknob causing it to bust away. She entered first leading with her gun, Flack followed close behind, and Danny brought up the tail end.

She broke away from the group upon seeing their suspect trying to shove his window up, "FREEZE. NYPD. Stay right there, Mr. Peters."

Mr. Peters, an overweight male in his mid-forties wanted for extortion and murder, paused with his hand resting on a lamp that was sitting on the stand next to the window. His eyes met Austin's for a split second before he hurled the lamp at her. Her shoulder took the hit and she charged the man, grabbing his wrist and attempting to subdue him. For his part, the old man tried to land a punch on her which she missed with a Matrix like back bend before landing a hit on the man's own jaw. He staggered for a moment before collapsing to the floor where Austin promptly locked him into her handcuffs. Leaning against the man to keep him on the ground, she blew her hair from her face and looked up at the men, "You think you guys can handle it now that I did the hard work? I was supposed to meet Stella twenty minutes ago."

"Yeah," Flack shrugged with an eye roll, "sure. We got this."

"You sure?" Austin asked, hauling the suspect to his feet, "Wouldn't want to leave you hangin' partner."

"Get outta here," He pointed toward the door, "pain in my ass."

She handed Mr. Peters off to Flack and sauntered over to Danny. She kissed his cheek and gave him a wink, "I've gotta go meet Stella to go look at dresses then I'm heading over to Lindsay's for the night. Don't wait up. I might just crash there. Oh, and make sure you take Elvis out after dinner."

He made a face as she walked off and Flack made a whipped motion with his free hand, "Shuddup, I'm a kept man."

–

The bistro was bubbling over with people but Stella had managed to snag them a table. Austin shoved her way through the crowd and collapsed into the seat across from her, "Sorry I'm late."

"It's okay," Stella smiled at her over her iced tea glass, "I ordered you a coke and that sandwich you're so fond of."

"You take such good care of me." Austin smiled and rest her bruised knuckles against the ice cold glass.

"Looks like you saw some action," Stella smiled and scooped some ice from her water glass, wrapped it in a napkin, and pressed it against Austin's knuckles. She cradled the younger woman's wrist in her hand as she inspected the hand for any real damage, "so, Rocky, what do you guys have planned so far?"

She smiled and pulled her hand back, resting the ice against it. Stella was always taking care of her. They had met five years prior when Austin was fresh out of the academy and Mac Taylor had taken her under his wing. The two had clicked right of way and Austin counted Stella as a mother figure, someone who was stable when she was spinning chaotically, and that's why she had chosen Stella to go dress shopping with her, "Well, we're getting married in the park. Flack's going to stand up with Danny and I'm gonna ask Lindsay tonight if she'll be my maid of honor. I'm hoping I can talk Mac into walking me down the aisle... and I have a special favor to ask of you."

"What's that?" Stella asked as the waitress brought their food around.

"Well," Austin chewed on her lower lip, "I was hoping that you maybe might want to be seated with the mothers but if you don't I understand and maybe I can-"

"Austin," Stella rested a hand on her forearm, "you're rambling, sweetheart."

"Right," Austin shook her head, "I was just... I want you to be part of the ceremony. You and Mac both. So, would you please do me the honor of sitting with the mothers?"

"Of course I will," She smiled, "and I promise not to cry too much."

"Good." Austin mumbled around a mouthful of turkey, "will you help me talk Mac into walking me down the aisle?"

"Honey, you're not gonna have to do much talking. He'll be bawling and saying yes before you finish asking him."

"Won't that be a sight to see."

When their food had disappeared and the bill was paid they took off down the street. Austin's arm tucked into Stella's as they giggled and talked about everything under the sun but nothing of real importance. They were walking past a window display for a wedding store when Austin veered off the sidewalk and yanked Stella into the store with her, "C'mon, let's check this place out."

"I thought you said no official bridal shops, Austin," She sighed and followed her into the store, "that you didn't want to pay out the ass for something you're only wearing once."

"Doesn't hurt to look. Get ideas and stuff."

Her jaw slacked, "My God, Austin Hawthorne, you're a real girl!"

"Shut it, Geppetto."

They spent two hours going through dresses and pulling out ones acceptable for trying on. Austin had tried on so many dresses that she was near tears from the frustration of it all and was close to calling it quits for the day when she spotted it. In the back of the store, hanging in the 'gently used' section was the dress she had been dreaming of since she was eleven years old. The one that had been sketched in the margins of her notebooks and dreamed about in dreams where she married Kevin Bacon. She grabbed it off the rack and rushed to the dressing room.

"Oh my God," She mumbled, twirling around in it and looking at herself in the mirror, "oh my fat baby Buddha."

"Aust?" Stella called from the other side of the door, "Let me see it. Get your butt out here."

"Stell," She spoke softly, her hand resting on the doorknob, "it's perfect."

She stepped out of the changing room with tears in her eyes. The off-white gown stopped just below her knees, tied around her neck, and had a green ribbon around the middle that matched the color theme Austin had picked out perfectly. She spun around and looked over at her friend, "So?"

"I," Stella mumbled around tears, "that's... you... that's the dress."

"Don't cry," Austin rushed to her, wiping the tears from her face before getting engulfed in a hug, "Save the tears for the wedding woman or we'll both turn into emotional hair-brained wrecks and we can't have that happening, can we?"

"Oh you just have to ruin an emotional moment," Stella chuckled and pulled back, her hands resting on Austin's shoulders and looking her in the eye, "you are going to make the most beautiful bride in the world, Austin Grace. I'm so very proud of you and Danny and love you both very much."

"This is not helping me not cry, Stella."

"Deal with it."

–

Austin sprinted up the steps to Lindsay Monroe's apartment; her arms were loaded down with shopping bags so she kicked the door until Lindsay opened it. Her friend stood before her in a pair of sweats and what she was sure was Adam Ross' University of Phoenix sweatshirt, "Did you buy out all of lower Manhattan?"

"Wedding stuff." Austin shrugged, "Can I stow my dress here? Danny's a snoop and this marriage is not gonna be jinxed before it even starts."

"Sure." Lindsay rolled her eyes and took some of the bags from her to store in the closet, "so did you find invitations that you like? Because if you're getting married in three weeks... we needed to send them like a month ago."

"Got 'em." She grabbed the bag from the stationary store and collapsed at the kitchen table, "so tonight we need to fill all these out so I can drop them in the mail tomorrow. We've got to pick out music so we can make a list for Hawkes. Oh, and I need you to try on your dress because if it needs to be altered it's gonna have to be this week."

"Well I've got..." Lindsay paused on her way to the stereo, "wait, what? My dress?"

"Well," Austin grinned at her, "you can't go standing next to me in your birthday suit, Monroe. Not supposed to out shine the bride and what not. Plus, it's kind of illegal and probably would be a little cold."

Lindsay's jaw was somewhere near the floor when her mind finally caught up with her, "Are you askin' me to be your maid of honor?"

"Well, I was tellin' not askin' but I guess if don't want to dance with Flack no one could really blame you."

"Austin," She fell down on the couch, "that's like... a really big thing. Don't you have some other friend who should be it? I mean, I would be honored but shouldn't it go to a friend you've known longer. Your best friend?"

"I don't think Flack would look good in hot pink tulle." Austin shrugged, "now come help me fill these out woman."

Lindsay jumped off the couch and hugged her friend around the neck, "I would love to be your maid of honor but tell me you didn't really get me a hot pink tulle dress."

"Do I look that cruel?" Austin asked, "That's the color of Flack's tux."

They sat together listening to music and filling out invitations for almost an hour when Lindsay stopped writing long enough to stretch her fingers and dial for pizza. When she sat down in her seat again, she pulled her left knee to her chest and rested her chin on it, "So... if I'm gonna be your maid of honor you're gonna have to tell me the official Danny and Austin story."

Austin chuckled and turned the page in her address book, "What do you want to know? I thought you would know most of it by now."

"Never heard it from the horse's mouth," She shrugged and wrote another address on an envelope, "Be girly, Austin, tell me how you met, when you knew you loved him, all the gooey stuff."

"Geesh, between you and Stella I just can't catch a break today." Austin sighed and ran a hand through her tangled brown locks, "Danny and I met when I was five and he was seven. Uhm... he and my brother were the same age and met on the way to school one day. Danny was over one afternoon and... I was so mad because Andrew had tossed my doll in the washer and her hair hand tangled around the softener cup. I was tearing him a new one when Danny went in the backdoor to our old laundry room, untangled the doll, and handed her to me..." She paused for a laugh, "I don't think I even said thank you. I just chucked the doll at my brother's head and called him a moron."

"And that was that?"

She shook her head, "We hung out more after that. Danny's house was just two down from mine so we were always together. Andrew and Danny and I was their tag-along. Then, uh, when I was about eight some stuff started happening. The police force was taking a bad rap and my dad was part of it. He started drinking and got real mean. So, I spent a lot of nights running away to Danny's house. The more we were together the closer we became until I couldn't remember a moment in my life that didn't have him in it."

"Aw," Lindsay smiled, "he was your Dawson."

"Don't start that Dawson's Creek crap." Austin chuckled, "What was your next question? Oh right. When did I know I loved him? Danny and I had dated off and on through middle school and high school. The summer before I turned sixteen, Danny had been drafted for the minor leagues and was leaving me. My brother had already left for California at that point so Danny was basically all I had to keep me sane even though I was dating Flack at the time. It was a real rough year that first year he was gone." She glanced over at Lindsay who was hanging on her every word, "when I was seventeen I managed to graduate a year early... Danny was on his way home a few weekends later and I was butting heads with my dad really bad. One thing lead to another and I had my occipital bone broken and was locked in the basement overnight... when I came to the next morning Danny was kicking in the basement window and pulling me out. We hadn't talked in almost a month, I was still dating his only other best friend, and well... I just probably wasn't much worth saving but he saved me anyways. Took me to the hospital, sat by my bedside until I was released a week later, and put me up in a tiny apartment in the city. That's when I knew he loved me and I loved him. I had always loved him... but that moment... it was defining. He did all these things he didn't really have to do because he loved me that much."

"Remind me to hug him the next time I see him." She sniffled, "I wish someone loved me that much."

"What are you blind? Adam Ross thinks you hung every star in the sky." Austin chuckled and tossed a piece of tissue paper at her, "He would die a fiery painful death before he let something happen to you."

"Yeah, well," She shrugged, "I guess we can't all have love stories like that."

"Like Adam and your's is any less beautiful?" Austin shook her head, "Lindsay, not every man is a white knight on a frickin' horse but I think a man who can humbly let you kick his butt at Mario Kart is a pretty close second."

"Anyways," Lindsay chuckled and swiped at her tears, "look at us."

"This is the second time I've cried today and that's two times too many for me." Austin laughed and wiped her tears on the back of her hand, "I am gonna be a mess come the actual wedding day."

"So," She smiled, "You got any more planned? The checklist almost completed?"

"Almost," Austin smiled back, "Mac's walking me down the aisle, Michael is seating the mothers and playing ring bearer, Flack is Danny's best man, you're my maid of honor, Hawkes is handling the music, Dallas is the flower girl. Danny's got some friend from college who became a pastor and is willing to wed us for a free meal. We've gotten the permits and stuff for the park. I've got to rent tables and chairs and the like. Oh, and you and I are getting ready here because you're closest to the park Danny's mom has some connection with a caterer and that's really it for now. I've got to order flowers and the boys are getting fitted for their tuxes next week."

"You are a force to be reckoned with Austin Hawthorne."

"Do me a favor and make sure that's my epitaph."


	11. Chapter 11

**Here it is, the chapter you've all been waiting for. Enjoy. **

_

* * *

God gave me you for the ups and downs,  
God gave me you for the days of doubt,  
So when I think I've lost my way,  
There are no words here left to say,  
It's true. God gave me you.  
_-Dave Barnes' "God Gave Me You";

* * *

Mac Taylor was not an overtly sentimental man but, through the years, he had made a few exceptions. Exactly three women had managed to bust down every single wall and secure a place in his heart; Claire Conrad, Stella Bonasera, and Austin Hawthorne. Claire had won his affections at a young age before he had closed himself off to the world, Stella had stood the test of time as his best friend, and Austin had showed him a love he didn't know he was capable of, a father's love for his child. They had never talked about it, never acknowledged the fact that existed because she was just as jaded as he was and fathers had bad raps in her book. Now he stood in front of Lindsay Monroe's apartment preparing to walk her down the aisle.

His mind drifted as he paced the hallway. He could still remember the day he had first met her. Lou Messer, Danny's father, had been a part of Mac's unit when he was still a beat cop. Lou was someone Austin had trusted growing up and after a fight with her father she had showed up in the precinct looking for a hug and an a ear. She couldn't have been more than sixteen when she walked into the precinct with Danny's leather jacket hanging half-way to her knees, jeans shredded to the last thread, and a bruise forming around her split lip. Lou had been out on a run when she had come in so Mac had sat with her for almost an hour in awkward silence before she started crying and he couldn't stop himself from pulling her in for a hug. The bond had grown over the years and it didn't take long for Austin, as well as Danny, to become family.

Mac reached out and knocked on the apartment door. He heard the pounding of feet across the floor before the door swung open and Stella stood before him, "Hey! Thank God you're here. Lindsay and I need to head over to the church to line up," She pointed over her shoulder as she slid on her shoes, "she's in there."

"Lock the door behind you," Lindsay instructed as she followed Stella out the door.

Mac gave them the universal sign for okay before entering the apartment. He tread softly across the floors and couldn't stop his breath from being taken away when he spotted her. She was standing at the window, the early afternoon sunlight casting a glow over her. Her feet were bare and she looked down across the street at friends and family filing into the park. He cleared his throat and she turned around, "You look beautiful, Austin."

"Mac," She smiled at him, "I can't believe I'm getting married."

"It's real." He promised her as he crossed the floor to stand by her, "You and Danny. I've never been more sure about anything since my own wedding day. You remind me a lot of her; sassy and strong, never afraid to put me in my place." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a silver locket, "Which is why I wanted to give you this."

"Mac," Her breath caught in her throat at the familiar necklace, "that was Claire's. It should go to Reed."

"She would want you to have this," Mac reassured her, "plus, Danny mentioned that you didn't have your something old, borrowed, and blue. Consider it borrowed until after the ceremony, Claire had it for years before we met, and it has a blue stone. No jinxes left."

"I guess that means it's time," She smiled and traced her thumb over the locket, "put it on me?" She turned and lifted the few tendrils that had escaped the messy bun, "It seems right you know? To wear it. It's only right that Claire would be here... she was the one who always told me to stop making Danny chase me and marry him already."

Mac fastened the locket around her neck before pulling her in for a tight hug, "I'm so very proud of you."

"Don't start crying," Austin warned him, "cause if you start then I'll start and I'll be a mess of runny mascara before I even get down the aisle."

He chuckled and offered her his arm, "Ready?"

"Ready," She slid her arm through the crook of his, "just promise me that you won't let me trip."

"Promise."

–

The processional had lined up at the gates to the park and Austin stood on her tiptoes to see Danny standing by the preacher in the small patch of grass they had allotted for the day. Seeing him standing there just as calm as he had ever been sealed the deal.

She smiled as she watched Michael hold his grandmother's hand and practically skip down the aisle before doubling back for Grace Messer and Stella. She watched as he held Dallas' hand as the little girl tossed the flower petals and he carried the rings with pride. Lindsay shot her a wink before beginning her trek down the aisle on Flack's arm and she'd have to be blind to miss the look her best friend gave Adam Ross as she passed him.

She toed off her Converse at the edge of the grass. Her eyes drifted up to Mac's as the wedding march began. He squeezed her hand reassuringly as they took their first steps down the aisle. Left, together, right, together. Her eyes locked with Danny's and tears clouded her vision when she heard Mac sniffling beside her. The preacher smiled down on him from his little step, "Who gives this woman?"

"We all do." Mac's voice was rough and full of emotion as he dropped a kiss to her cheek and handed her off to Danny.

Their fingers interlaced without a thought as they stood together before the preacher, family, and friends. Eyes locked through blurry tears as the ceremony began. The reverend ran through the standards; 1st Corinthians 13, a short story about the love the two of them shared, and even a small joke before they got to the vows.

"I, Daniel Dominic Messer, take you, Austin Grace Hawthorne to be my lawfully wedded wife..."

"I, Austin Grace Hawthorne, take you, Daniel Dominic Messer to be my lawfully wedded husband..."

"To have and to hold from this day forward..."

"For better or for worse..."

"For richer or for poorer..."

"In sickness and in health..."

"To love and to cherish..."

"From this day forward until death do us part."

The rings were exchanged and "You may now kiss the bride," were the last words that they heard as Danny Messer pulled his wife in for a kiss. He kissed her long and hard, dramatically tipping her back like they did in the movies much to the thrill of the crowd who was already cheering and crying.

She pulled back to look him in the eye, "I love you."

He smiled and kissed her nose before pulling her in close, "I love you too, Austin Messer."


	12. Chapter 12

**I am feeling too poopy to even read this through and make sure it sounds good. I'm going with my gut and saying it's suitable for reading. Next chapter will be better and longer! Promise. **

* * *

_So many things have come,_  
_So many things have gone,_  
_One thing that stays the same,_  
_Is our love still going strong,_  
_Baby, just look at us,_  
_All this time and we're still in love,_  
_Something like this just don't exist,_  
_Between a backwoods boy and a fairytale princess,_  
_People said it would never work,_  
_Livin' our dreams has shattered all doubts,_  
_It feels good to prove 'em wrong,_  
_Just livin' our love song._  
-Jason Michael Carroll's 'Livin' Our Love Song'

* * *

The sun was dipping below the Manhattan high rises as Austin Messer stared at her white gold wedding band and then back at her husband. Twenty-one years, seven months, and twenty-six days since the day they met and she was finally able to call him husband – to say she was floating on air would be an understatement. She was Mrs. Daniel Messer and, for once, it all seemed to be perfectly right. There wasn't a single doubt in her mind when Danny's eyes met hers and she shot him a salacious wink which he countered with a crooked grin and eyebrow raise.

Central Park had been transformed into every girl's fairytale. Twinkle lights hung on the few trees surrounding their allotted space and votive candles lit each table. Claire's necklace had been traded for the dog tags after the ceremony, Danny's jacket sheltered her from the late April chill, and he had pulled her hair from it's up do shortly before the toasts while decidedly stating "that's better". Now, as Lindsay Monroe finished her toast and they stole sips from their champagne flutes knives were clinking against the glasses across the lawn. "Kiss!" was shouted from several people and with a laugh sitting on the edge of her lips, Austin leaned over and kissed her husband soundly until Dallas cried out, "Yuck! Adults!"

"On that note," Sheldon Hawkes spoke from his designated spot as disc jockey, "if we could get the bride and groom on the dance floor for their first dance. Now, let me tell you this. The Messers have been together for close to twenty years and they just don't have a song. So, Austin put her Maid of Honor and I up to the task of deciding on one. After much deliberation and one very stubborn Montana girl stating that this had to be their song... we decided on Lindsay's choice. Hope you guys like it."

The sound of the country song drifted across the night sky as Danny lead Austin out onto the makeshift dance floor. Jason Michael Carol's voice filled the air and Austin lost herself in the lyrics that seemed to so beautifully describe them. Much to her surprise, Danny started singing along, "Baby, just look at us, all this time and we're still in love, something like this just don't exist between a backwoods boy and a fairytale princess, people said it would never work out, livin' our dreams has shattered all doubts, it feels good to prove 'em wrong, just livin' our love song."

"Daniel Messer," She sniffled as he nuzzled his nose beneath her ear and pressed a kiss to the crook of her neck, "you know the lyrics to a country song?"

"Lindsay is very demanding with the radio," He explained as he pulled her closer and they swayed across the grass, "plus, it reminded me of us."

"I love you, my husband."

He chuckled and kissed her lips, "I love you too, my wife."

"Never getting tired of that," She leaned against him. Their fingers intertwined as Danny spun her around and pulled her back to him. The song was befitting of their life together and, with a bit of luck, their future so Austin made a mental note to buy Lindsay a really good birthday present this year. The song ended too quickly and they were sequestered away for dances with family.

Guns 'N Roses' _Sweet Child O' Mine _began to play and Austin made her way across the dance floor to where Mac and Stella sat with her mother and the Messers. She tapped his shoulder and extended her hand, he shook his head before accepting her hand, "You're just trying to make me cry today, aren't you?"

"Try?" She laughed and pulled him from the chair, "Don't lie, McCanna, I saw that tear slip during the ceremony."

"Austin Grace," Mac chuckled and spun the woman who had become a daughter around as the guitar gave way to Axl Rose's voice. She laughed and gave him a small smile as they danced across the muddy earth. Her feet caught on his shoes and she nearly took them down more than once and it brought laughter to the tip of his tongue each time.

Stella sat at the table watching them with tear filled eyes. Danny crossed the lawn from where he was talking with Louie to extend his own hand to his superior, "Wanna dance Stell?"

"Do you gotta ask twice, Messer?" She laughed and allowed him to pull her away from the table. They joined Mac and Austin on the dance floor and the four of them danced around to the old rock song. It wasn't perfect, it wasn't the dance that most weddings had, but it was perfect and befitting to the family they had created.

Dances passed in quick succession as they tried to make time for every person they loved. The moon was high in the sky over New York City when AC/DC's _You Shook Me All Night Long _thumped out of the speakers and everyone crowded the dance floor. Austin was busy playing air guitar when Danny caught her around the waist and whispered in her ear, "I knew there was a reason I fell in love with you."

"Glad to remind you, Babe."

"She was the best damn woman that I'd ever seen!" Dallas Hawthorne sung along with the song and Austin snorted with laughter as she picked up her niece beginning to sing along with her, "Knockin' me out with those American thighs..."

"Me too!" Michael cried and Austin managed to pick him up as well, swaying around as they clung to her and belted out every word, "You shook me all night long!"

Danny watched them for a moment as he wondered just what he had married into before taking Dallas from Austin and joining them in their kooky dances. They danced with the children until the final guitar riff skipped, popped, and faded into oblivion. Hawkes turned on some soft acoustic music and announced, "Time for a breather guys. If we could get the bride and groom to come cut the cake."

"Shove it in my face and I'll whoop you, Mister."

"Uncle Danny," Dallas looked up at him, "Aunt Austin has you whipped. Daddy says so. He right?"

"He is so right, Dallas," Austin answered for him, "that how we gotta be. Remember that when you're training your own man, okay?"

"Aunt Austin, you're silly."

"Very silly. Now you gotta let Uncle Danny go so I can shove cake in his face."

Michael's jaw dropped, "Food fight!"

"Kind of." Austin chuckled, "go ask your Mama and see what she says."

"K!" He shouted and ran off to find Michelle.

Danny took his wife's hand and drug her across the lawn to where the cake was sitting on a table. It was a small fancy cake that was more for cutting up and shoving in each other's faces than for the actual purpose of eating – there was sheet cake for that. The photographer took pictures of the ceremonial cutting and first bites. Austin stared at the chocolate confection resting on the plate before shoving it directly in Danny's face. Everyone laughed as Danny wiped the cake from his face and taking his own piece in one hand and grabbing Austin with the other as he smeared the cake across her face. She shrieked, "DANIEL DOMINIC MESSER."

"Love you."

She scraped the cake off and flung it back at him, "You's in for so much trouble, Husband."

"Bring it," He called over his shoulder as he took off running.

The night continued in a similar fashion as Danny removed the garter (which Flack caught and promptly placed around his head) and Austin tossed the bouquet (which Lindsay caught and directly let fall to the ground like it was a hot potato). Hawkes then announced the next dance, "Austin has requested everyone join her on the floor for _Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It_."

"Stella Bonasera," Austin called over her shoulder as she and Danny fell in line, "this means you."

"Just because I took dancing lessons does not mean I can do this dance, Mrs. Messer!" Stella called back but followed her colleagues out onto the dance floor. The hip-hop song played and Austin lead them with the body contorting moves as the Dem Franchize Boys rapped about why everyone needed to lean and rock with it.

The night dredged on and everyone slowly dwindled from the party. Hawkes had left the iPod system hooked up but bowed out himself, for work, around eleven thirty. The only people left were the parents, Stella and Mac, and the bride and groom. They sat at the table laughing and talking as Matt Nathanson played in the back ground. Austin was half-asleep with her head on Danny's shoulder and her dirty feet on Stella's lap as they played remember when. Katherine Messer looked at her newlywed daughter with bittersweet emotions, "You two... I had almost given up hope that this day would ever arrive."

"Not I," Grace Messer looked at her lifelong friend, "Danny was always my stubborn child and I knew from the moment he told me that he was gonna marry the girl down the street that we would end up here."

"Conspiratorial mothers," Austin mumbled sleepily as she snuggled into Danny's side.

"Well," Danny wrapped his arms around her, "I better get my sleepy wife home."

"Love you," Austin mumbled to her family as Danny pulled her away. They paused long enough for her to pull her Converse on and then climbed on the bike. The ride home was cold enough to wake Austin from her slumber and she wrapped her arms tightly around her husband, burying her head in his back as he weaved his way through the late night traffic.

They stumbled up the hallway to their apartment as Austin suddenly stopped, pulling him back to her, "You never told me. Where are we going on the honeymoon?"

"Remember how you always said you wanted to go to Italy? Where my great-grandmother still lives?" Danny asked as he steadied her with two hands on her waist, "A week in the lovely coastal town of Messina and three days in Paris."

"Marry me." She chuckled before pulling him into a searing kiss that ended with swollen lips and her back flush against the door, "Danny, take me to bed."


	13. Chapter 13

**As I write this AN my clock has just "sprung forward" and this is my reminder, don't forget to change your clocks readers! This chapter sort of wrote itself and I'm not entirely sure if I'm happy with it. Too much dialog, jumps around a bit, but I still think it's readable and, even though I dislike the format, I believe this is my favorite chapter yet. Maybe it's because I wrote this chapter without Rachel (OneTurtleDove) but it's just sitting oddly with me. Let me know your opinions, okay? Also, I apologize sincerely for the wait. Okay, shutting up now.**

**

* * *

**_I'll take off my halo,  
If you take off your wings,  
You don't have to be invincible,  
Cause I sure ain't no saint,  
You'll always be my angel,  
No matter what you do,  
Cause you take me to heaven,  
Just by being you...  
_-Halo & Wings by Steel Magnolia;

* * *

He watched her from the back porch of the villa they were borrowing from his cousin. She was sitting by the pool with her jeans rolled up to her knees and her feet kicking the cool blue water. Ayn Rand's _Atlas Shrugged _was weighing down her hands as her reading glasses slid to perch on the tip of her nose. Pushing away from the porch rail Danny Messer crossed the lawn to sit down behind his wife at the edge of the pool; one leg on either side of her and his arms encompassing her middle. The tattoo at the base of her neck beckoned him and he pressed a kiss to the lightly tanned skin and she leaned back against him, "Hey."

"Hey yourself." His mumbled against the black ink that simply spelled out _'it goes on'_, "we're on honeymoon, Austin, we should be all over each other right now."

"As fun as that sounds," He could hear the smirk in her voice, "I've had twenty years of you, husband, I am enjoying my time with Ayn."

"Be that as it may," He pulled the book from her hands and tossed it on the cement beside them before removing her glasses and placing them on top of the book, "I must steal you away."

He leaned them forward toward the water and just as Austin began to protest they fell into the pool. The pool wasn't very deep but she fought against him and they tangled under the water for a few moments before standing. Her hand came down on his slightly burnt shoulder, "Daniel!"

"Whatchya gonna do 'bout it, Baby?" He laughed as he caught her wrists and pulled her to him. Her brown hair was matted to her face and the little bit of make-up she had put on that morning was running, "You're beautiful."

"Charmer," She smiled but settled against him, "I love you."

Even though he'd heard the words a thousand times before his heart pounded inside of his chest and reminded him that the moment was real. His forehead rested against her shoulder as he pressed soft kisses to her neck, "I love you too, Austin."

She found his hands beneath the water and laced their fingers together, raising them up for leverage as she pushed him back against the wall of the pool and breathlessly mumbled, "Show me."

"Tell me," He pulled his hands from hers and lifted her out of the pool to sit on the patio, "tell me what you want, Love."

She leaned forward enough to catch him in a searing kiss, "I want to make love with my husband."

–

They lay together beneath the stark white comforter; he played with the fingers of her left hand as her toes teased the sole of his right foot. The sun was low in the sky outside their window and he knew that if he didn't feed her soon she would grow grumpy. With a series of kisses on her neck, he pulled away, "We're going to miss our reservation if we don't get a move on."

"I don't think I can feel my legs," Austin protested with a giggle as he pulled her flush against his bare chest, "you done good, Mister."

Danny laughed and pulled her from the bed with a playful swat to her butt, "Go get dressed."

"Fine, fine, fine." She shot him a look over her shoulder and sauntered off to the bathroom.

He shook his head as he watched her walk away, "You wicked, wicked woman."

No one would ever believe him when he'd say that Austin Grace Messer emerged from the bathroom in a skirt. Her wedding dress had been the one exception to her general rule of jeans and cargo pants; seeing her in the flowing knee length summer skirt had almost been his undoing. He cleared his throat and made several hand gestures before finding his voice, "You never fail to surprise me."

"Gotta keep your interest somehow." She chuckled and took a few final looks in the mirror. Her hair was a riot of humidity curls and she felt entirely too girly in her soft green skirt and black camisole as she slid on her flats. She turned to her husband and giggled at his slacked jaw, "You ready?"

"Yeah," He rasped as he took her hand and lead her from the house.

The heart of Messina wasn't much of a walk from where they were staying on the beach of Stretto di Messina (the strait of Messina) and so they took their time wandering leisurely down the streets. Austin walked backwards and he pulled his phone from his pocket to video her butchering an Italian lullaby. She laughed and stuck her tongue out at the camera when she had finished serenading him and he shut off the camera. It had been so long since he had seen this side of his wife; she looked so free and beautiful underneath the setting sun as she mussed up his hair with a chuckle before pulling him into a kiss in the middle of the street.

The dinner wasn't much to talk about but the conversation was a testament to their relationship. The quiet lulls weren't awkward and conversation flowed easily as they laughed over wine and risotto as the sun sank below the water. Sitting across from her on the small upper patio of the family run restaurant they were dining in, Danny Messer couldn't help but marvel at his wife and the fact that he could finally call her his wife. She was telling him about the parts of the wedding plans he hadn't been allowed to be part of and all he could do was lose himself in her.

–

Carina Messer, Danny's great-grandmother, greeted them at the door of the family winery. Her dark gray hair was long and braided halfway down her back; an apron was tied around her waist and covered in flour. Danny raced to her side, pulling Austin along behind him, he kissed her cheek and she hugged him tightly, "Daniel."

"Hi Nonna." He hugged the elder woman tightly. The last time Danny had been to Italy was for spring break his senior year of high school when he had stayed with his great-grandparents.

"This," She spoke with a thick Italian accent, "must be your bride."

"Nonna," He was giddy to introduce the two of them, "this is my wife, Austin."

Austin smiled and suddenly turned shy, "It's really nice to meet you, Ms. Messer."

"You're Italian?" Carina eyed her.

"On my mother's side," Austin explained, "Italian and Greek. My father.. his family wasn't exactly known for their faithfulness."

Carina nodded and lead them into the house, taking Austin's hands in hers, "You shall bless this family with several bambini."

"Bambini?" Austin quirked an eyebrow at her husband.

"Children," Danny explained before turning to Carina and explaining in Italian that they weren't sure their plans on having children yet.

"You young people," She shook her head, "think you have all the time in the world. Waste not a second of it."

–

"So," Austin smiled as she climbed into their rented car with a basket full of homemade pastries, "that's Carina?"

"Yeah," Danny chuckled as he put the car in drive and pulled out from the driveway, "that's her. Penny for your thoughts."

"That's how I want to be when I get old," Austin chuckled as she pulled a cannoli from the basket and licked the filling from it, "Strong," she mumbled around the sweet treat, "slightly crazy," she bit at the flaky crust, "and able to scare the life out of anyone who weds are grandchildren."

"I have no doubt in my mind that you will be like that," Danny lifted her hand and pressed a kiss to the palm, "Have you thought about it? Us having kids?"

"Yeah," Austin wiped her hands on her pants, "of course I've thought about it."

"And..."

"And I want to have kids with you, Danny Messer," She smiled over at him, turning in her seat to study his face, "I used to spend a lot of time thinking about it when I still lived at home. I planned our future out about a hundred different ways but in every single daydream you and I had kids."

He smiled, "How many?"

"Three... maybe four," Austin shrugged and pulled her feet under her, "A boy who is the spitting image of his father, a couple girls who are the perfectly chaotic combination of the two of us. Little Messers to drive us crazy, spend our money, and eat us out of house and home. I think we'd be okay parents. You'd be a great dad."

"You'll make a great mother." He promised.

–

"I don't want to go home," She admitted. Their last full day in Italy found them at a fancy hotel in the heart of Paris with the city hustling and bustling beneath them. It the short week and a half she had fallen in love with the culture, the rhythm, the whole country.

He pressed a kiss to her shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her, "I know. Maybe when we're old and gray we can retire over here. Live at the winery and fly our friends out every month or so for wine tastings."

"Imagine Mac at a wine tasting," Austin chuckled and turned her head to kiss the underside of his chin.

Danny laughed softly and swayed them back and forth, "Adam Ross trying to hold a wine glass."

"He might surprise us all and be good at it," She smiled.

He nodded, "Might be."

"Just imagine," Their fingers intertwined and he pulled her back from the window toward their bed, "the next time we come here... we could have kids, Danny. Lindsay and Adam could be married, Mac might have fallen in love, Flack might have finally cut his hair," He chuckled breathlessly against her neck, "you and me, together, like always. Can't you just imagine?"


	14. Chapter 14

**To Rachel because without her this story, and quite possibly this writer, would not exist. **

* * *

_She's got her daddy's money,  
Her mama's good looks,  
More laughs than a stack of comic books,  
A wild imagination, a college education,  
Add it all up, it's a deadly combination  
_-Daddy's Money by Ricochet;

* * *

The smell of rain drifted into the apartment through the open window and filled the apartment with the heavenly smell. Austin leaned against the window frame and chomped a bite off the end of her popsicle as she waited on Danny to get back from the store. They had arrived back in New York late the night before and had woken up to realize that nothing in their fridge was good besides a box of popsicles hiding behind the ice trays. She followed a rain drop down the half open window pane with her finger before turning away to attempt to get some work done.

She opened their suitcases with a disgusted face as the smell of mildewed swimsuits and dirty clothes reached her nose. Quickly, she divided the clothes into two piles of either damp or plain dirty – if Danny wanted the whites separated from the colors then, as far as she was concerned, he could sort his own damn clothes. She shoved the clothes into their pop up hampers and dug the nearly empty bottle of tide from under the sink before her computer pinged.

Half a blue raspberry popsicle hanging from her mouth, she raced across the living room to flop down between the couch and coffee table where her laptop sat. The Skype call was from Andrew's screen name and she smiled when Dallas' face popped up on her screen.

"Aunt'tin," the little girl was sitting on her knees in Andy's desk chair with her face far too close to the camera, "You's home now?"

"Yep, I'm home now," Austin smiled at her niece and turned the laptop so she could see New York outside the apartment windows, "see?"

"Good," the five year old grinned, "you got a freezy? Not fair!"

She chuckled and pulled the treat from her mouth before sticking out her tongue, "Yep. Our food spoiled while we were in Italy. This is all I got left until Uncle Danny gets back from the store."

"You get to eat freezies for breakfast," Dallas pouted, "I can't wait to be a growed up."

"Someday."

The little girl leaned closer to the microphone and whispered as much as a five year old could, "You tell Daddy to get me freezies, 'kay?"

"Okay," Austin whispered back like they were running a covert operation, "I'll tell Daddy to get you freezies."

"And to eat them for breakfast," Dallas added, "okay, Aunt'tin?"

"Okay, Little Miss," Austin chuckled before eating the last bite of her popsicle, "is my tongue all blue?"

"Yep-yep," Dallas grinned, "you's a smurf!"

"I am," she laughed and tucked her hair behind her ear, "did you have fun while you were in New York?"

"Uh-huh," the little girl's curls bounced as she nodded her head vigorously, "Daddy took us to da Entire State Buildin' and ta see da Yanks!"

Austin chuckled, "The _Entire _State Building, huh? I might have to go see that one for myself. Did the Yankees win?"

"Duh, Aunt'tin."

"Right," she nodded, "how very silly of me."

"You's a goofbucket," Dallas decided, "You did have a good time in Italy?"

"A very good time," she nodded, "we took lots of pictures so I'll send some to your daddy and he'll show you them, okay?"

"Okay," Dallas nodded, "I go with you next time?"

"Maybe."

"Mama says it's Mikey's time," she pouted, "love and miss you, Aunt'tin."

"Love and miss you too, Dallas."

She kissed the tips of her fingers before touching them to the screen and the little girl repeated the action before hopping off the chair and shouting for her brother.

"Tin," Michael screamed as he climbed onto the chair.

"Mikey," she hollered back, "inside voices, remember?"

"I 'member," the little boy gave her a grin, "I love you Tin."

"I love you too, Michael," she smiled and blew him a kiss.

The three year old caught it with a blush and giggle, "I go play now, 'kay?"

"Okay," Austin laughed and gave a little wave before he disappeared.

"Hey," Michelle fell down in the seat her children had vacated, "you got time for a talk, I'm going nuts without an adult to talk to."

"I've got some time," Austin chuckled, "where's my idiot brother at?"

"He's on third right now," the other woman explained as she tidied the desk and talked, "so, he's just fell asleep. Trying to keep the kids quiet is proving to be a real pain in the ass."

"Saint Michelle swears," Austin laughed at her sister-in-law, "if they're any where near as competitive as me and Andy were then just have them play the quiet game and you won't hear a peep from them all day."

"So that was your mother's trick."

"That or she sent us down the street to the Messer's," she explained with a shrug, "Lou can sleep through anything so we could go down there and be as loud as we wanted."

"I wish you guys lived closer," Michelle made a face then shook it off, "we'd love to see you more and, for some reason, my children obey you."

"Only 'cause I threaten to use my handcuffs when they're wailin' on each other," Austin smirked, "I guess almost three thousand miles is a little far to come over and babysit on a Friday night."

"Probably," she laughed, "did you guys have a good time in Italy?"

"It was amazing, Michelle."

They talked for almost a half an hour before Danny came home with his arms loaded down with grocery bags and the kids were in need of timeouts, "I should let you go, you probably have newlywed stuff to do."

"Laundry."

"Is that code for something your brother wouldn't want to know about?"

Austin laughed and shook her head, "It's code for we took all our clothes to Italy and we're supposed to meet up with some friends tonight. Going nude is apparently frowned upon."

"Though it does make for a classy entrance," Michelle laughed, "talk to you next week, Messers."

–

"Graceless, you're hopeless."

"That's the most awkward sentence I ever did heard," Austin looked up at her husband from the dryer she was loading, "what did I do?"

Danny shook his head at his wife's horrible grammar, "You don't go puttin' swimsuits in a washer with fabric softener."

"What are you, Martha frickin' Stewart?"

"No," He smirked and tossed her bikini top at her, "I just read the tags on clothing."

"And I just buy new stuff when I accidentally dry a shirt with plastic rhinestones on them."

She could practically hear his eye roll, "This is why we don't own our own washer and dryer."

"You're an ass, Danny Messer," she said before turning back to the dryer and tossing her swimsuit top in.

"You're not supposed to dry that."

"Danny," she whined, "this is why I don't do laundry."

"I'm just your house wife, aren't I?"

She raised an eyebrow, "If I say yes will you wear an apron?"

"Let the emasculation begin," he declared.

"Begin," Austin quirked her eyebrow again, "whatchya call the last twenty years?"

"Basic trainin'."

She laughed and started the dryer before hopping on the edge of the table they had taken over with their clothing. Their final load was in the dryer and the folding was finished for the moment so Danny took some of their left over quarters and went to the snack machine.

She always complained about the five block walk from the loft to the coin operated laundromat but it was easily one of her favorite places in New York. It wasn't as busy as some of the nicer laundromats but they always played 80s music over the speakers, had an old arcade game in the corner and a couple of snack machines. When they ran out of clean laundry they would walk the few blocks and hide away for the entire afternoon between the row of washers and dryers at the table that connected to the wall.

"Here," Danny tossed her a bag of peanut M&Ms and she ripped them open, "I get the blue this time."

"No way," she countered as she began to sort the colors, "I always get red, brown, and blue. You know the rules."

"But there is always way less green!"

"You're such a baby," She sighed and divided the blue candies, "you get half and I get half."

"Our first marital compromise," Danny grabbed an M&M from the pile and popped it in the mouth, "hell, first time we've compromised on anything."

"I'll alert the media," she deadpanned.

–

"I thought we were going to dinner not the rodeo," Danny's brow furrowed in confusion when Austin emerged from their bedroom in jeans and her boots, "how do you even own those?"

"I went through a phase," Austin shrugged, "I pulled them out of the back of the closet and apparently the leather has shrunk at some point in the last ten years so if I lose a toe will you take me to Mount Sinai when we're done dancin'?"

"Dancin'," Danny growled, "Austin Grace Messer, you didn't say nothin' 'bout dancin'!"

"I showed you the text, Daniel," she chuckled and grabbed her leather jacket from the hook by the door, "we're meetin' them at a bar called the Rusty Spur, Lindsay chose the dive, where did you think we were goin'?"

"I dunno, not dancin', not country."

"Suck it up," she caught his hand and pulled him out the door.

He sighed and followed her, "Why are we doin' this again?"

"Because Adam and Lindsay are our friends and they're dating and that's what friends do – double date."

"Fifteen year olds double date. Grown ups don't double date."

Thirty minutes, two different trains, and a cab later they found the bar tucked into a back alley on the far side of Manhattan. Adam and Lindsay were leaning against the brick exterior waiting on them when they walked up. Austin was slightly surprised but welcomed the hug Lindsay greeted her with, "Hey Linds."

"Hey Messers," the Montanan CSI stood before them completely 'countrified' in her cowboy boots, jean, and dark green plaid shirt.

Austin caught one of the woman's curls and twirled it around her finger, "You look pretty, Monroe."

"Thanks," she smiled, "how ticked is Danny that we conned him into going to a country bar?"

"I heard nothing but grumblings about bleeding ears the entire way here," Austin explained, "I think he secretly digs it though. How about Adam?"

"He feigns ambivalence but I've caught him tapping his toes to Dierks Bentley before."

"Men," Austin sighed dramatically.

"Well put."

They found a booth not far from the dance floor and ordered burgers and drinks. Austin and Danny peeling the labels on their Sam Adams as Lindsay and Adam debated Coke opposed to Diet Coke across from them. The song thumping from the speakers was a foot tapping beat by Toby Keith and Austin found herself singing under her breath.

Danny put his burger down long enough to look at her with a bewildered expression, "How do ya know a country song, Graceless?"

"Because I listen to music, husband."

He raised a blond eyebrow in her direction, "Since when?"

"Nineteen ninety-six when you broke up with me and I had nothing to do all summer so I went to see Tim McGraw and Faith Hill perform at the Garden," Austin countered with a shrug.

"Obviously being apart never did us a lick of good."

"You went to the Spontaneous Combustion tour," Lindsay pouted from across the table.

"Yep," She nodded, "and Soul to Soul."

"I went to Soul to Soul, it was basically the most amazing concert experience of my entire life."

"Right," Austin nodded in agreement, "they're magic together on stage."

"I can't believe you got to see them live before they got married!"

"Concert envy?"

Lindsay tossed a stray piece of shredded lettuce at her, "Like you would not believe."

"If they ever come back to the Garden then we should totally go."

Danny interjected, "I cannot believe my wife is a closet country junkie. I believe this is grounds for divorce."

"Stifle it, Demonic," Austin rolled her eyes and cuffed him on the back of the head.

A boot stomping song came on and the DJ turned the volume up. Adam extended his hand to Lindsay and they made their way to the dance floor without a second thought. Austin turned to her husband and jutted out her lower lip for a few moments, "Fine, Willard, when you learn how to dance you can come join the fun."

With her thumbs hooked through her belt loops she joined the line dance taking place on the floor. Her boots scuffed across the polished floor as she kicked and turned across the dance floor. She wasn't as confident with it as Lindsay was but she could hold her own during the simple tush push. Lindsay tossed a smile over her shoulder at Austin as she tried to keep Adam from tripping over his own feet by announcing the dance steps for him.

The song quickly changed to Ricochet's 'Daddy's Money' and everyone paired up for a two-step. She was about to go back to the table with Danny when his arms caught her waist and spun her around. They shared a smile before he spun her around and they danced to the silly song. He spun her so that her back was to his front and they did a small twist before he spun her back out and they resumed the fast paced dance.

The night continued in a similar fashion that ended with last call and stumbling out of the bar with numb feet. Lindsay and Adam bid them adieu before hailing a cab and promising to do it again sometime soon. Austin stood still with Danny's hand in hers as he tried to walk away, "Carry me?"

"Hop on," he smirked and she jumped on his back, "do you have any idea how much I love you, Graceless?"

"About as much as I love you."


	15. Chapter 15

**I have plenty of excuses but none of them are very good. Suffice it to say that I am extremely sorry for the insanely long wait but rest assured more will be coming shortly. I'm sitting next to One Turtle Dove as I write this author's note and this entire chapter exist because of her getting me into an environment where I could actually write. So, as always, this is dedicated to her and her awesomeness. And to anyone who continues to read this. **

* * *

_Streetwise from the boulevard,  
Jesus only knows that she tries too hard,  
She's only tryin' to keep the sky from fallin'  
_-Saving Grace by Everlast

* * *

AC/DC was pouring out of speakers at an obscene volume for the early morning hour as Austin prepared herself for work. Her damp raven curls were slipping from her haphazard bun as she perched precariously against the edge of the dresser and she attempted to tame her wild hair. She growled in frustration and threw the bobby pin down against the lacquered top, "damn humidity."

"Looks hot," Danny promised as he came to stand behind her, his arms snaking around her waist and dropped soft kisses to the crook of her neck.

"Right," Austin sighed and relaxed against his chest as they swayed to the rhythm of the old rock song, "because the 'fro look is so making a comeback."

"My wife is hot," Danny reiterated, "don't go insinuating that she is anything but."

"Insinuating," she cocked an eyebrow, "that's a mighty big word there, Daniel, don't go straining your poor brain trying to impress the likes of me."

"What's to impress," he countered, "I only impress ladies and, Lord knows, you're no lady."

She dropped her jaw dramatically, hand over her heart, and the worst southern accent she could muster, "and who, dear Daniel, have you been trying to impress?"

"Scarlett O'Hara, apparently."

"Shut the front door," Austin elbowed him lightly as she grabbed her badge from it's place next to the mirror.

His hands snaked under her shirt and he pressed a kiss to the underside of her jaw as _Shake Your Foundation _began to pulsate the speakers on both sides of their bed. He gently began to pull her back toward the bed and she let him for a moment before realizing that her partner was waiting for her on the far side of Manhattan, "Daniel, I've got to go to work."

"Call in sick," he tempted, "we can stay in bed all day and it will be like that day it stormed in Italy."

She hummed her agreement, "as tempting as that sounds I should probably go to work because Flack has already called this morning and if I call in sick now then I will never hear the end of it."

"He and Jess take sick days all the time," he countered as he sat down on the bed and pulled her into his lap, "come on, Aust, it's not like you don't have the time coming to you."

"I know," she played with his fingers that were resting on her stomach, "but I already talked to Flack and I've left the captain shorthanded enough lately. Besides, I'll probably be needing that time the next time I inevitably fall on my face."

"I am going to wrap you in marshmallows."

"That would get sticky," she informed him, "but that's probably your point."

"Stay," his voice was a low rumble in her ear, "please."

"Can't," she pouted, "I need to go to work and you have to go in later so you should get some more sleep while you can."

"I think we should retire early in protest."

She nodded, "okay, then you figure out how we're supposed to live off what the city tries to pass off as a pension and we'll totally quit."

"Fair enough," he kissed her neck once more before letting her stand up, "give 'em hell today."

Austin laughed, "don't I always?"

"Well, give Flack some extra hell for pulling you out of bed before the sun is even up," he encouraged.

"Alright but you should probably know that the sun is already up," she nodded her head toward the early morning sun slipping through the space between their black out drapes.

His lower lip snuck out and she laughed, dropping a kiss to it.

"Have a good day at work, babe."

"Bring me lunch later," she asked, lingering dangerously close to his face.

"I guess I could be persuaded to feed you so you don't waste away."

"It's easier than making Flack bring me back food."

"Husband must be synonymous with pack mule."

"Finally," she laughed, "he gets it!"

"I love you, be safe," he stole another kiss before letting her go.

"Love you too," she smiled while slinging the chain her badge was on over her head and holstering her gun on her right hip.

Austin slipped out of the bedroom as Danny fell back on the bed to return to sleep. Elvis lifted his head from where he was slumbering on the couch and she laughed, "I don't think you're supposed to be up there, dude."

She pointed her finger toward the dog bed and he clambered off the couch obediently, nuzzling his head against her leg before flopping on the red and white flat pillow. She grabbed a cup of dog food while grabbing a granola bar and bottled water from the fridge, dumping the food in his dish, and slipping out the front door. She paused long enough to lock it behind her before racing down the stairs to the fleet issue Crown Victoria.

Austin tore open the granola bar with her teeth as she turned the engine over and took off for the crime scene in Harlem. The stifling end of June heat was upon them so Austin simultaneously rolled down her window and cranked the AC while driving with her knee. When she was finished, she consumed her breakfast while waiting for traffic on the Brooklyn Bridge to clear. Traffic inched along and she cursed every New Yorker's inherent ability to go when the light was red and stop when it turned green (and all the tourists they confused in the process).

It took her the better part of an hour to reach the crime scene that was only supposed to be twenty-odd minutes away. Austin climbed out of the car in the middle of her cursing stream, pausing long enough to pull away her shirt that was clinging to her already sweating back. She checked her badge and walked with one hand resting on top of her gun. The uniform in charge of the securing the perimeter recognized her and lifted the tape before she even got there and smiled at her as she checked in, "Messer, homicide, victor-three-six-four-seven."

"Hey, Mrs. Messer," the rookie teased, "long time, no see."

"Hello Charles," she over exaggerated his name in retaliation, "how are the kids?"

"Never being baby sitted by you again if you're going to insist on giving them so much damn candy," he countered.

"I am their favorite for a reason."

"Next time I will just bring them back and let you deal with the sugar high."

She pouted playfully, "I guess that's the end of Awesome Austin then."

"Dude," Charlie called after her as she sauntered toward the crime, "you gave yourself your own superhero name? That's so lame."

She flipped him the bird over her shoulder.

–

The crime scene was something akin to a blood bath. Cast-off covered the walls and blood coagulated on the floor next to bodies that had been littered with bullets. Austin counted the victims as she walked over to where Flack was standing; three – two men and one woman, two employees and one customer. She sighed, adjusted her booties, and snapped on a pair of gloves, "Someone was pissed off, huh?"

"You're late," Flack said in a mock-serious tone, "surprised you didn't call in sick."

"Early," she countered, "I'm not scheduled on for another two hours, your call woke me up. Besides, you and Jess have had plenty of late mornings."

"Shuddup," he countered.

"Where is the lovely Detective Angell," Austin smirked as she signed off on an evidence log sheet, "aren't you two usually joined at the hip these days?"

"She's working a case on the L.E.S.," Flack explained, "now if you'd like to get back to work."

"Right," she rolled her eyes, "what do we have?"

"CSI is checking the security tapes now but it looks like a robbery went wrong and someone wasn't gonna leave any victims."

"Talk about your overkill," Austin knelt over the woman's body, "each one shot to the head and at least three more wounds to the rest of the body. What, were they out of Jack Daniels?"

"Nothing really looks out of place and there was only one bottle broken in the shooting – and that was the cheap stuff," he explained and pointed to the shattered bottle of Jameson.

"Hell," Austin looked at the label, "I would have shot that crap on purpose."

Flack frowned, "I like Jameson."

"You also drink Guiness on purpose," Austin shook her head, "there's not accounting for personal taste."

"Shove off."

"Children," Mac piped in from where he was kneeling over a pool of blood, "a little respect for the dead."

"I think the dead would be offended by Flack's choice of liquor."

Flack backhanded her abdomen lightly, "I don't like you."

"Good."

Mac cleared his throat loudly and they both shut up.

It took them the better part of five hours to clear the scene and notify families. Telling people that their family members weren't coming home was always Austin's least favorite part of the job but it was always worse when a victim lived in the Bronx near her home. The female victim, Kristina Scorsese, was a Bronx native and had grown up just a handful of streets from Austin's childhood home. She had insisted on doing that notification by herself, promising Flack that it was a neighborhood thing and the next victim they had from Yonkers – he could do the notification by himself if he so desired.

By noon they were back in the precinct sitting at their desks waiting for the crime lab to call them about the evidence that had been collected. Austin leaned back in her swivel chair, propping her feet on her desk, and tipping it back precariously. Their captain walked behind her, tapping her head so she fell forward, "You split your head open, Messer, and I'll make you sign a waver so Danny can't sue me when you die."

"I feel the love, Cap," Austin chuckled and put her feet back up on her desk.

"My favorite detectives wouldn't be lazing on the job," the elder detective questioned, "because that's not what the tax payers pay them for."

"Not at all," Flack held up the case file.

"And you, Messer?"

She grinned up at him, "the computer is doing my work for me - keep up with the times, sir."

"Don't make me put you back on dumpster duty, detective."

"Yes, sir," she laughed as he walked off toward his office.

Flack stood up after the captain shut his office door, "I'm going to go grab some lunch, you want anything?"

"Nah," she shook her head and smiled at him, "Danny is supposed to be bringing me something sometime soon."

"Alright," Flack grabbed his suit jacket and swung it over his shoulder, "call me if you want me to grab you something or I'll see you in an hour."

"Have fun making out with Jess," she called after his retreating form and smiled when she saw his shoulders shake with laughter.

With a pop of her back she turned back to her computer. They didn't have much to go on but Austin found herself delving into what little she did know. She was running a background search on the female victim, looking for anything that might clue them into the murderer's identity. Something about this case was gnawing at her gut; she knew that they were running on schedule, if not ahead, in regards to evidence and investigation but she felt like they needed to be moving faster. Looking at the innocent portrait that Kristina Scorsese's mother had provided next to the one Sid had taken during the autopsy almost made her regurgitate. She was only twenty-three and had so much life left to live that had all been stripped away from her on a harmless run for some vodka to toss in the dinner she was making for her boyfriend. It just wasn't fair, none of it ever was but this more so than most.

Danny's hand on her shoulder pulled her from her muddy thoughts, "I brought you some Ray's."

"I have the best husband," she smiled and leaned up to kiss him, "Flack just left to make out with Jess for an hour and bring back a pack of mini-donuts for lunch."

"Detective Angell has been so good for his health," he laughed and fell into the seat beside her, pulling their lunch out of the plastic bag.

"I feel like her Christmas present should be combat pay," Austin explained as she twisted the cap off her water bottle.

"For putting up with us or for putting up with Flack?"

"Maybe combat pay isn't enough."

Danny laughed as he popped open the Styrofoam containers, "Maybe you're right, now eat your food."

"Which Ray's did you get this from," Austin asked, poking at the pizza with the end of her pen.

"The one in Nolita," he informed her with a grin

She picked up the slice and took a big bite, "Mmm, such a good husband, going a whole five minutes out of the way to get me the good stuff."

"Chew it, don't spew it," Danny chuckled and wiped the dripping sauce from her chin.

"Gladly," Austin swallowed her bite just to follow it with another one. She ate ravenously; the granola bar and orange drink having lost it's affect after seven hours.

"What'a'ya workin' on," Danny talked around a mouthful of bread stick as he leaned over her desk to look at the case file.

She nudged it at him with her elbow while taking a swig of her bottled water, "I don't know what we're dealing with but right now we're looking at three dead in what could have been a robbery gone wrong but there's so much rage that... I just don't know."

"Talk it out."

" So, around three o'clock this morning an unknown white male, dressed like the damn uni-bomber, stumbles into Frank's off 129th then gets in an argument with the victims before shooting up the place. Killed three; Alexander Frank – the owner, Kyle Gregory – who was stocking the shelves, and Kristina Scorsese – customer, Bronx native, and the most viciously attacked."

"Where she live," Danny asked as he picked up her portrait to take a closer look.

"Three streets over."

"Dammit, I hate when they're from the hood."

"I know," Austin sighed and took the photo back from him, "I hate it so much. I wish I could place her somewhere but according to her ma they didn't move into the neighborhood until we moved out but I still feel like I should be able to place her somewhere.

His hand came to rest over hers. "You will, Austin."

"Anyway," she sighed and shuffled the papers back into their folder, "I need you to distract me with good stuff."

"Uh," he fumbled, "I talked to your brother this morning."

"And what exactly did dear Andrew want?"

"Dallas wants to come visit again for her birthday. Wanted to know if we wanted her for a couple days if they do come out."

"And we said?"

"Of course," Danny smiled, "duh."

"Good, I could use some Dallas in my life right now."

"I am gonna call you the Texas Tornadoes until it catches on-"

"Or I shoot you?"

"Or you shoot me."

She leaned over and kissed him lightly, "I love you."

"I love you too."

Flack walked over to his desk with an eyebrow raise, "gag me."

"Nice hickey," Austin replied without glancing in his direction.

His hand shot up to check his neck and straighten his tie. "Bite me."

Danny laughed and Austin bowed forward to rest her head against his knee. His fingers brushed the nape of her neck and got tangled in her humidity created spiral curls. She lifted her head slowly and smiled at him before taking his hand.

"Nasty," Flack shook his head, "newlyweds."

"Blow me," Austin shot over her shoulder.

"My wife is so damn classy," Danny laughed with a hand on the back of her head to pull her in for a kiss, "I have got to head on up to work."

"Fine," Austin sighed dramatically, "leave me alone with the baboon to deal with."

"I'll make it up to you later."

"I'm going to hold you to that."

Flack made the gagging motion from the other side their desks.

Austin shot him a glare as Danny packaged up their trash before bringing her hand down firmly on her husband's backside. He jumped and turned to give her the most shocked look that he could muster as she laughed and Flack gaped. He shook his head, flipped off his friend, and walked away.

Don tossed a pretzel in the air and caught it in his mouth, "I am so glad that somethings will never change."

"Like the fact that you're gonna choke on one of those pretzels."

He shrugged and she turned back to her work.

The phone on the corner of her desk rang and she grabbed it, cradling it in the crook of her neck, "Messer?"

"Austin," the voice on the other end was deep, "it's Hawkes and I've got your results."

"Hey Doc," Austin smiled, "hit me with it."

"Alright so the prints came back to a New York license registered to one Tristan Briggs of the South Bronx," Hawkes informed her as her heart hammered in her chest.

"Tristan Briggs," she mumbled as her thumb nail scratched across her lower lip, "are you sure?"

"Yeah, why," the medical examiner turned investigator asked, "ya know him?"

"Kind of," Austin scribbled the name on a post-it and held it up for Flack to see, "we went to school with him back in the day. He was a couple years behind me but everyone knew who he was."

"All-star?"

"Not so much," she sighed as Flack wheeled his chair around to sit beside her and she moved the phone so he could hear too, "more like the creeper who didn't understand how to take no as an answer."

"Lovely," she heard Hawkes sigh, "alright, I'll let you know what Sid says about the victims but right now that's about all I've got for you. Adam is running the AV stuff right now and one of the ballistic techs is working on the bullets but he didn't give us a lot to go on."

"Alright," she ran a frustrated hand through her hair, "thanks for everything, Doc."

She hung up the phone and turned to Flack who let out a low whistle, "Tristan Briggs... he was, what, a freshman when I was a senior?"

"Yeah," Austin nodded as she put his name into the search engine and waited for his most recent DMV photo to come up, "he wasn't ever popular but that didn't stop him from putting the moves on anything that walked."

"From pervert to murderer – a true South Bronx tale," Flack ran a hand over his face, "I wonder what connection he has to Kristina Scorsese."

The DMV photo popped up and Austin swallowed her gasp; Tristan Briggs hadn't changed a bit in the past ten years – his hair was still dark, long, and greasy and his eyes still didn't look like they had feelings. She printed out the sheet and turned her attention back to her partner, "Kristina's mom said she went to South Bronx but she would have been three or four grades behind me."

"A year or so younger than Briggs," he surmised, "which probably would have put her right in his target range."

"But why kill her," Austin asked, "there were tons of other girls who turned him down."

"Only one way to find out," Flack held the keys up before tossing them to her, "I'll even be nice and let you drive."

"Wow, you are feeling nice today."

"I have been known to have a soul on occasion."

–

Tristan Briggs' last known address was nothing more than a glorified landfill passing off as a vacant lot. They had shown his photo around but no one seemed to remember him as anything more than a ship passing in the night who kept his head down and didn't bother anyone. The landlord mentioned that he didn't stay for more than a couple of months and the last he knew he was moving back in with his mother because he had some issues.

His mother's house was on the far side of the Bronx. Austin's fingernails picked anxiously at the leather of the steering wheel as she drove while Flack drummed his fingers against the cap of his knee while watching the streets pass them by. Everything seemed almost horrifically normal; children played in sprinklers and chased each other up and down the streets with squirt guns in hand, lips stained red from cherry popsicles while parents watched them from lawn chairs and porches – it seemed almost unfair that everything was innocent and blissful when such heinous acts were taking place. Austin parked the Crown Vic in front of a simple two story white washed house and made the trek to the front door, "Ms. Briggs, NYPD we need to speak to you about your son."

"I haven't seen nor heard from that boy in months," the old woman said as she opened the door, "he went off his meds and I don't want nothin' to do with him no more."

"His meds," Austin asked with an eyebrow raise.

"I thought you folks had access to medical records," the woman said as if she was offended by their lack of knowledge, "he's a paranoid schizophrenic."

"Ma'am," Flack said with a hand on his holding back his suit jacket so he could display his badge, "we think that your son might have killed three people this morning in a shooting at liquor store in Harlem. Does the name Kristina Scorsese mean anything to you?"

The woman rolled her eyes up as if to consult with her brain, "I think that they dated for a few months when Tristan was a senior."

"Alright," Austin gave her a soft smile, knowing the news wouldn't be easily handled, "thank you for the information, Ms. Briggs, do you have any idea where your son might be staying?"

"No," the woman fingered the crucifix on her neck, "when he goes off his medicine... sometimes he crashes at the mission in Harlem... that's where we found him last time. You said he killed three people?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"My boy... he's not a bad boy... he's just sick."

Austin gave her a sympathetic smile even though the words made her skin crawl – being sick didn't excuse a person of their actions (especially not murder), "I understand, Ms. Briggs, I want you to go back in your house and if you see your son please give us a call. I'm Detective Messer and this is Detective Flack and if you call the local dispatch then they will patch you directly through to us, okay?"

She nodded and accepted Flack's card, "I know he's done some bad things but please... just find him."

"We will," Austin promised and turned to head back down the steps to the car.

Flack followed her, this time taking the keys from her hands and sliding into the driver's seat for himself and when she pouted he gave her a smile, "I don't want to die because you take your anger out on the accelerator."

"Gee, thanks, partner."

"Get in, shuddup, sulk and lemme drive."

She glared at him, "fine."

"Good."

The Dropkick Murphys were playing at an obscene volume as they navigated the late afternoon traffic and Austin propped her feet on the dash as she fiddled with the ends of her hair, "Can we stop at the gas station, I need some coffee... ooh and a moon pie."

"Classy," Flack rolled his eyes but turned on his signal to switch lanes and move toward the station on the corner.

"Do you want anything?"

"Nah," Flack shook his head, "I'll just keep the AC going."

"Sometimes I don't hate your guts."

"Wow, Messer, that almost sounded sincere."

"I know," she grinned, "I didn't laugh or anything."

The afternoon heat was sweltering and Austin felt like she had been hit by a ton of bricks the second she climbed out of the car. She felt like she was swimming through cold molasses as she made her way into the station and nearly danced when she was hit with the freezing cold air. The station was nearly empty except for a customer in the back by the soda machines and the man behind the counter. She grabbed a couple of Moon Pies and filled the largest cup she could find with the 'extreme' coffee that had extra caffeine in it – Flack was going to kill her.

"Austin," a gravelly voice came from behind her, "Austin Hawthorne?"

At the sound of her maiden name she spun around and dropped her coffee cup at the sight of the man standing in front of her, "Tristan... right?"

"Yeah," he smiled at her and it made the hair on the back of her neck stand up.

She tried desperately to cover her badge and gun but she had left her jacket in the backseat of the cruiser, "I, uh, hi."

"Here," he knelt to wipe up the coffee she had spilled and the nose of a pistol peaked out to greet her from his hoodie, "how ya been?"

Her hand instinctively went to had service weapon, "Tristan is that a gun?"

"What," his hand slipped inside the kangaroo pocket as he stood up and his eyes caught the numbers on her badge, "you're a cop now, Hawthorne?"

"Yeah," she unhooked the clasp on her holster, "and I need you to get your hand off that gun, dude."

He pulled the gun out, "Afraid I can't do that."

"Tristan," she lifted her hands slowly from her gun, "I need you to put it down and talk to me, buddy."

"I'm not your buddy," he countered, "I'm just the guy that everyone hated in high school because the only friends I had were ones nobody else could see."

"I didn't hate you," she promised, "I know that you killed three people this morning and I know that it wasn't your fault," her eyes glanced quickly to the man behind the counter in hopes that he would get himself out of harm's way, "I know that you didn't mean to kill Kristina – the voices... your friends, they told you to, right?"

"Maybe I meant to," his neck twisted and his eyes grew darker, "how will you ever know?"

The man behind the counter made a bolt for the door and Tristan leveled his gun at the man and shot him in the shoulder. His scream of agony and the thud of his body hitting the tile floor would surely haunt Austin for the rest of her life. Her hand went for her gun but Tristan was quicker and the warm muzzle of the revolver was resting against her chest and he shook his head at her, "I'm going to be needing that gun now, officer."

He slid the gun from her holster and stuck it in the waist of his pants, "I didn't want to do this to you, Austin, but I'm afraid I've got know choice."

"Listen," she held her hands up in surrender, "I'm a cop, dude, and the last thing you're going to want is to be on trial for the murder of a police officer. And right now Don Flack, my partner, is out there on the phone with dispatch and lemme tell you, dude, he's not someone you want to piss off. Killing his partner is probably not the best course of action."

"Thanks for the tip," he said as his arm wrapped around her neck and his gun pressed against her temple, "I'll let the others know."

She fought against his arm as he pulled her toward the window, right into Flack's line of sight, "Come on, Tristan, I know you don't want to do this."

"I think I do," he laughed against her neck, "oh how the mighty have fallen."


	16. Chapter 16

**I am truly sorry for the wait (seriously, two months is ridiculous - better than four months but not by much). I hope that you haven't given up hope because so much of this story is planned out and, for those who worried, Austin will not be dying any time soon. Honestly, this story is very hard for me to write because I have put so much of myself into Austin - which isn't a bad thing (and we're also really different in a lot of ways so she's not an exact replica of me) but it does force me to deal with things that I would otherwise shove under the rug and forget about. That's part of why it takes me so long to update. That said, after you get through this, there is a lot of more upbeat things coming your way. **

* * *

_I'mma tell you one time don't fuck with me,  
Get down, cause I ain't got nothin' do lose,  
I'm havin' a bad day, don't make me take it out on you  
_-Ludacris 'Get Back';

* * *

Fear was not an emotion Austin Grace Messer was comfortable with. Even in the hairiest of situations she would manage to keep her cool; she was the person who commanded the room and the respect that went with it, she didn't cower in the corner and let someone else call the punches. There she stood, though, with her heart hammering inside her chest and the hot metal of the freshly fired revolver pressed against her temple. There was no control in her possession; her service piece was in her captor's possession and her partner had no way of getting a clean shot on him.

"Whatchya gonna do?" Tristan's breath was hot against her ear and it made her shiver involuntarily.

"Kick your ass," she fired back as she tried once again to break the hold that he had on her. She knew from her years as a beat cop that schizophrenics were just as bad, if not worse, than suspects on PCP – they knew no reality and had strength that was only comparable to super human.

His grip tightened on her neck until it was painful to breathe. "I don't want to do this, Austin, I need you to stop fighting me."

"Let me go, Tristan." her fingernails clawed at his forearm. "I know you. I know that you don't want to do this. That man over there is going to bleed to death and they're gonna kill you if they can get a clean shot. All you have to do is let me go and I'll get you out of this mess."

"I can't," his voice was so broken that she almost felt sorry for him, "they won't let me."

He pulled her back behind a few shelves as the police began to pull into the lot. She caught Flack's eye for a split second as she tried to stay rooted in that spot. She wanted to go back and fix this – to wait until they were back at the precinct for coffee, to be in the car with her partner jamming out to Dropkick Murphys, anywhere but where she was.

Austin Grace Messer was scared. Terrified, really.

It had taken her twenty years to agree to marry Danny Messer and now that she had finally married him her life was hanging in the balance. All she knew was that she didn't want that life, her life, to be ripped away from her before she even got a chance to live it.

He shoved her to the cold tile floor of the convenience store and she fell hard against the shelving unit. Knees drawn to her chest and left hand cradling her right wrist that had struck the hard floor on her way down, she began to pray. "Hail Mary, full of grace. Our Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen."

"Stop that," Tristan ordered as she mumbled her way through the prayer again.

Her faith had never been the strongest part of her, at least not her faith God, but she knew enough. She had taken Catechism classes and until her father had began drinking she had attended Mass every Saturday night and sometimes on Sundays with the Messers. She wasn't new to God but they had never been buddies; too many years of beatings and bad things and a world of hurt that she couldn't get over had thrown up walls reinforced with steel between her and the reigning deity. Austin prayed anyway; mumbling her way through the Hail Mary over and over again, if for no other reason than it annoyed Tristan.

"Stop it," he demanded as the butt of the gun came down hard against the side of her face.

She slumped against the shelving unit, hand coming up to cradle her left cheek/ "Tell the voices in your head that was fucking rude."

Tristan was kneeling carefully by the chips; his arms were wrapped tightly around himself, his fingers almost scratching at his sides as he shook his head and mumbled to his demons. He was completely wrapped up in a paranoid delusion and any hopes of getting out of the situation peacefully were quickly dissolving.

Austin assessed the situation. She could grapple with him for the weapon but with a bum wrist and a throbbing headache the odds weren't exactly in her favor so she was stuck with waiting it out. She watched as he stood and peaked through the space between the shelves before ducking back down and resuming his ramblings. She sighed and forced herself up into a better sitting position, "Dude, there's no way you're getting out of here. You don't even have enough bullets to try to shoot your way out."

He cocked the gun and gave her a soulless grin. "I guess you'll just have to wait and watch."

–

Donald Flack stood in the parking lot with his radio in one hand and gun in the other as his mind ran through a million scenarios – the scenarios where his Grace didn't make it out alive, where he had to tell Danny that his wife wasn't coming home. He glanced through the window of the store again and wished that he could find the clean shot – he would make his peace with taking a life if it meant saving her – but Tristan had moved behind some of the shelving units and wasn't visible from the street. Flack slammed his hand down on the roof of the car. "Dammit."

"Flack." He turned to see Stella ducking under the crime tape. "What the hell happened?"

"She went in for a coffee run because traffic was backed up," he explained, "and our suspect just happened to be in there because Austin's luck sucks."

"What's the status?"

"ESU and Hostage are setting up." He pointed to wear the hostage negotiation team had set up point and then to the snipers that had taken to the neighboring rooftops. "There's a kill order if they can get a clean shot on him. Tristan Briggs, paranoid schizophrenic that for all intents and purposes is wrapped up tightly in one of his more violent delusions. We had just been to visit his mother and she says that he went off his meds a while back and we believe that he killed three people this morning."

"Great," Stella sighed.

"Stella," he whispered, "I... what do I tell Danny?"

"We are going to get her out of there," she promised and squeezed his forearm. "Mac is on his way. We are going to get her out."

"I know her – she's going to try to play the hero."

Stella raised an eyebrow. "Give her some credit, Don, she's not stupid. She's got a good head on her shoulders and I trust her instinct."

"I do too but this guy is not gonna play it by the hostage taking rule book."

"Flack," her voice was sharp enough to force him to look at her, "we are going to get her out of there. Alive."

"Yes ma'am." He gave her a small smile.

"Good." She tapped the side of his face lightly. "Now let me take a look at the floor plan of this building."

–

The sound of the phone ringing caused Austin to almost jump out of her skin but Tristan was wrapped so entirely in his delusion that he didn't appear to notice. Everything ached and keeping her eye open was a difficult enough task that talking seemed almost beyond her at that point but she forced herself to try. She cleared her throat roughly. "Dude, you might want to answer that. Give them your friends' list of demands and what not."

"No." He shook his head veraciously. "Th-they... they use it to control you and they-"

"Great," Austin sighed, "another lovely bit of your psychosis comes out."

"Shut up." He snarled at her while locking and unlocking the gun's safety mechanism.

"What if I answer it," she offered. "I'll talk to them and you won't have to do anything."

"No."

"Well, do something because that ringing is making my headache worse."

He unlocked the safety and pointed the gun at her. "Stop talking."

"Fine." She shrugged. "Go back to your friends."

Her trained eyes stayed on him as he lowered himself to the ground and crawled to the back of the store where bottles of liquor lined the shelves. She watched as he barely managed to open the bottle of Johnnie Walker with shaking hands before he took a long sip; he then made his way back across the room and offered the bottle to her. Austin eyed it cautiously before the need to numb the pain overwhelmed all other thoughts and she accepted a drink of it, cringing as it burned it's way down her throat. "Thank you."

"Don't want to hurt you," he echoed his previous statement as he took the bottle back from her. "Nobody listens. Everybody tells. Nobody listens."

"Nobody listens to you," she surmised, "everybody just tells you what to do."

"It's so loud!" Tristan dropped the bottle to the tile floor and, with his gun-free hand, he slammed his palm to the side of his head repeatedly as if to silence the voices that were not welcome.

"Tristan," she spoke softly and tried to keep her tone even, "if you put the gun down then I can help you. I will help you."

"Too late," he informed her, "it's too late for help, Austin. It's too late for people to see me."

"I see you."

"I can't get better. I take the medicine and the voices stay but the me goes away."

Her heart was actually breaking for him. "That just means that they haven't found the right medication to help you. I will get them to find the right one. I will make sure that they do."

"No," he screamed and turned away from her, cradling the gun to his chest like it was a baby.

Austin sighed and kicked the ground in frustration; she could only do so much, reach so far, because the voices inside of his head would automatically trump hers. Her heart was in her throat because that logic meant that there was a chance she wouldn't get out of there alive. A panic attack was welling up inside her chest like a slow building storm; the pain around her eye, the yelling, the whiskey, all of it was too reminiscent of memories that she wanted to so desperately to forget.

–

_She could always smell him before she saw him; the distinct union of Jameson and Old Spice had a way of permeating the air before he reached her. Austin stood still and stiff-backed in the doorway to her big brother's room – as if she were still enough then he wouldn't be able to see her. Tears were clouding her vision when she felt his breath hot against her ear and his grimy fingers twining through her curls. "He's gone, little girl, and there's nobody left here to save you. Nobody loves you enough to. I told you that I am the only one who would be left."_

"_Go to hell." The words escaped without her permission and she immediately wished that she could take them back. _

"_What did you say to me," he growled as his grip on her hair tightened, "you ungrateful little bitch." She didn't have time to reply, a chance to plead for her life, because he used his grip on her hair to send her flying into the glass table that her mother used to fill the wall space between Andy's room and hers. Shards of glass pierced her skin painfully but none of them felt more than superficial. Protectively, she drew her knees up to her chest and braced herself for what was coming. _

_Her mother's footsteps pounded on the stairs and she heard the woman yelling. "Stop, Jack, please! She's just a child! Hit me, Jack. Not her." _

_Then it all went black as her father's foot collided with the side of her face._

–

Her breathing was labored and her whole body was shaking while Tristan paced the room while he argued with his demons. "Calm down, Austin," she ordered herself quietly, "you've got to calm down or he is going to kill you."

She felt like she was going to drown in the life that she had fought so hard to escape. Memories surrounded and pulled her under like chains around her neck, ghosts of a man she should have been able to trust swimming around her head while taunting her. A scream was building in the pit of her stomach and bubbling up inside of her but she swallowed it back.

Austin stayed lost inside of her past until Tristan yanked her up off the convenience store floor by her sore wrist. She hissed at the pain and fought against him but he had a good five inches and thirty pounds on her but she continued to fight until he had his arms wrapped around her and the nose of the gun once again pressed to her temple. The urge to continue her fight against him was strong but the desire to live was stronger. He pulled her passed the windows and out of the door before she could truly register what was happening.

Suicide by cop and if he took her down with him then all the better.

Her eyes scanned the crowd until she found Flack's behind the barricade and she locked onto his gaze. He looked back at her with an intensity and fear that scared her more than the gun against her head because he was almost looking at her like he didn't believe that they would get her out of it alive either. Austin had to do something, anything, to give them the upper hand – even for just a split second.

With her whole body she leaned forward before bringing all her weight back to throw her head against his nose, breaking it. The second his hold on her lessened and his blood began to gush, she broke away from him and began to run. Bullets flew and the smell of gunpowder filled the air but she didn't look back until she reached the sidewalk on the other side of the barricade where she doubled over and threw up. Her whole body heaved and she regurgitated what felt like everything she had eaten in the last week.

Flack's body collided with Austin's and he didn't hesitate before picking her up. Austin tried in vain to protest but quickly gave in and leaned against him as he carried her to the ambulance that was waiting. He placed her on the gurney and her hand caught his lapel. "Get me, Danny. I need, Danny."

"I sent a uni to get him already," he promised and kissed the side of her head that wasn't injured, "he's on his way."

"Don't leave."

"Not going anywhere."

"Don't let your ego get big or nothin'," she attempted to tease, "I just..."

"Save your sarcasm." He perched beside her on the gurney. "All the harassment in the world couldn't make me leave right now."

"God, we're sappy."

He laughed softly. "I'm glad you're alive, Grace."

"Me too, Duck."

–

The scene was beginning to settle when the squad car pulled up to the edge of the crime scene tape. Danny threw his door open and was off toward the ambulance at a full sprint before the uniform could even put the car in park. "Austin? AUSTIN?"

Mac caught him by his sleeve and pulled him to a stop. "She's going to be fine. She took a couple hard knocks to the head and her wrist is sprained pretty badly but she's fine. Shock has started to set in and that's why they have her wrapped in warm blankets and hooked up to an IV but she's fine. Refusing to go to the hospital, per usual."

"Then let me see her, Mac." Danny demanded.

"I will." Mac let go of the detective. "You need to be calm, okay, she's not going to be able to handle you flipping out right now."

"Yes, sir." Danny agreed. His wife needed him and she needed him to hold it together because she could have been killed today. He took a deep breath to settle himself and then made his way across the parking lot to where the ambulance sat and smiled gently when he saw Austin arguing with the EMT.

"They might take you in just for harassing them," he teased.

"Don't give them ideas," she breathed. The tears that she had been holding in spilled over at that moment and she reached out for him because he was the only one that she ever allowed to see her fall apart.

Danny's arms wrapped around her and her head came to rest in the crook of his neck while hot tears damped the shoulder of his shirt. Her hands were freezing cold even though it was pushing ninety degrees and he pulled the blanket that had slipped up around her as he lifted her on to his lap.

He kissed her forehead gently as he rocked her, careful of the bandages and bruises, and she began to settle down. Fear left her slowly as exhaustion settled in it's place.

"I love you so much," she breathed against his ear, "I thought that I was never gonna see you again and all I wanted was for you to know that I love you more than anything."

"I know you do." He pulled back just enough to press a soft kiss to her lips. "I love you too, more than anything."

Austin pulled him in for another kiss, this time far less chastely, and they garnered a few catcalls and whistles from their friends. She didn't blush or try to hide her face when she pulled away, her arms stayed locked around his neck and her forehead rested against his. "Take me home, Daniel."

He grinned. "Gladly."


	17. Chapter 17

**Holy crap. It hasn't even been a month and I'm updating! Okay, it's three days shy of a month but, still, improvement. This chapter is one that Rachel has been waiting on since I decided to write this story so I am glad that I can finally post it for her. I hope this chapter conveys all that I want it to. For a full experience go listen to Perfect Day by Lady Antebellum, We Own The Night by Lady Antebellum, and Devil's Waitin' by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club. Also, Austin's tattoo is taken from my favorite quote by Robert Frost "In three words I can sum up everything I have learned about life; it goes on".**

* * *

_I've seen the battle and I've seen the war  
__And the life out here is the life I've been sold  
_-Devil's Waitin' by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club

* * *

He knelt on the floor beside where she rested with limbs tangled in cotton sheets and hair in complete disarray; one hand brushed the hair from her face as he leaned up to press a soft kiss to the corner of her mouth. Danny had learned long ago that the best way to wake his wife up was to move slowly and wake her just a little at a time. He placed the plate that he was holding on the bedside table and positioned himself over her with is weight on his hands as he pressed a trail of kisses from her shoulder, up her neck, and across her jaw before pressing another kiss to the corner of her mouth. Austin stirred against him and blindly reached up to press a hand to his morning stubble – to pull him closer or shove him away, he didn't know for sure. He kissed her once more before rolling off to the side and settling himself on the floor again. "Happy birthday Austin."

Austin forced her eyes open as a small smile began to grow. "Hey."

"Hey yourself." Danny took her hand and pressed a kiss to the center of her palm before closing her fingers around it.

"I'm old." She pouted and raked her hair back from her face with her free hand.

"I got you a cupcake to ease the pain," he explained and gestured to the red velvet cupcake on the table, "from Carlo's."

"You went to Jersey for me." A hand cupped the base of his skull and she yanked him in for a real kiss.

"You'll have to help me get the Jersey crud off me after your cupcake," he mumbled against her lips while she yanked gently at his short hair. Electricity coursed through him at the slight tug; since the incident a few weeks ago Austin had grown possessive of him, as if she needed to remind herself, and him, that they were in the present. Six weeks of therapy had helped a lot but she wasn't a hundred percent recovered, she might never be, but he was just as patient as he had ever been.

"I don't think that's going to be a problem." She let go of him and he settled beside her hip, one hand snaking beneath the sheets to trace circles on her lower abdomen.

Danny grabbed the lighter and lit the candle on top of the candle. "Happy birthday, love."

He watched her as she sat up, held her hair back with one hand, then closed her eyes and wished. Austin's birthdays had always been special to him; the day was the precursor to the anniversary of the day they met, the two dates being just a week apart. August twentieth came once a year and reminded him just how grateful that he was to have her for another year.

Austin plucked the purple candle from the icing and licked it clean before tossing it on the table. Her pointer finger hooked through the top of the icing and took off a layer that she licked clean before removing the wrapper. She smiled at her husband and took a bite before extending the same courtesy to him; he held her wrist with cold fingers that made her shiver as he took a small bite from the opposing side. "Is this the only one?"

"There is a box with five more in the kitchen," he promised. Danny's thumb wiped crumbs from the corner of her mouth and he licked it off without the bat of an eye lash.

"We're disgusting." She settled back against the headboard and finished her birthday treat.

He stole a quick kiss. "That's a word for it."

"Mmm, I can think of plenty of others."

He grinned. "You were always better at scrabble than me."

She placed the plate on the table and move to stand on her knees, her fingers possessively finding purchase on his ear lobes as she lowered her mouth to his. "What time are Lindsay and Adam supposed to be here?"

"Not for another two hours." Danny pressed a kiss to the hollow of her throat and lay back on the bed, pulling her after him.

Her hair curtained them from the rest of the world as they lost themselves in a kiss that said more than either of their words ever could. They had never been very good at talking and, for both of them, actions spoke far louder. She kissed him slowly, maddeningly slow, her teeth bruising his lower lip and her tongue following close behind to soothe the angry skin. She pulled away completely a moment later and climbed off the bed to saunter off in the direction of the bathroom; Austin glanced back over her shoulder. "Well, come on, we have got to get the Jersey off of you."

–

An hour and a half later, Austin perched on the edge of the kitchen counter while helping herself to another cupcake and rubbing her barefoot over Elvis's back as he stood in front of her. Coolers and beach bags sat next to the front door while Danny hunted through his closet because he had misplaced her birthday present that he had bought months ago. She chuckled softly and popped her back before sliding off the counter and tossing her trash in the container beneath the sink.

She double checked the tie on her bikini top and righted her beater and cut-offs before going to hunt through their shoe box for her flip-flops that she rarely wore. Austin was taking a pair of jeans and a hooded sweatshirt to put on when it got dark but, until then, she was hellbent on soaking up as much of the summery goodness that she could. After a few moments of rifling through the box the brunette found her navy flip-flops and slid them on before grabbing her aviators from the coffee table and securing them on top of her hair. "Daniel, they're going to be here any minute!"

"I'm ready, I'm ready," Danny promised as he emerged from their bedroom with a rucksack full of beach supplies over his shoulder and her gift in another. He held the box out to her and she accepted it as she sat on the edge of the coffee table.

One finger nail slid under the edge of the tape and she carefully undid the wrapping and slid the gift from the packaging. Three vinyl albums rest on her lap and she smiled fully as she flipped through them; AC/DC's 'Back in Black', Nirvana's 'Nevermind', and Def Leppard's 'Pyromania'. They had been her favorite albums in high school but she had only ever owned them on cassette and CD. "Danny, thank you."

A ghost of a kiss was pressed to the corner of her mouth. "I'm glad you like 'em, Graceless."

She pulled him in for a real kiss before moving to put them with the rest of her collection beneath the TV cabinet. "This is perfect."

"Hey, Aust?"

"Yeah, baby?" She turned to look at him over her shoulder and offered him a full-blown smile.

"I love you." And he did, in that very moment he loved her more than he ever thought was possible. Right there, in the middle of their living room with clothes meant for bumming around on the lake, he loved her more than he had loved her the moment before.

Austin's smile grew wider. "I love you too, Daniel Messer. So much."

There was a knock at the door and Danny cleared his throat before moving to let their friends in. Lindsay and Adam stood on the other side of the doorway in their beach clothes with a handful of balloons tied to the most interesting coffee mug that Danny had ever seen. He moved to the side and let them into the loft. "G'morning, Montana, Adam."

"Hey Danny." Lindsay gave him a smile before wandering off to find her best friend.

Austin stood from her spot on the floor. "Heyya, Linds."

"Happy birthday, crazy." The Montanan CSI pulled a key chain from her pocket and tossed it to the New Yorker.

Austin caught it with one hand and laughed when she looked at it. A bronze horseshoe hung from the chain and Lindsay had attached a tag to the ring that simply read 'For luck. You need it.' and she couldn't agree more. "Thanks."

"I saw it at the store the other day and couldn't help myself." Lindsay grinned and accepted the rare hug from her friend.

"It is just what I needed." She held the key chain out on her finger so her husband could see it.

"Graceless, I think that is the most perfect gift that you have ever been given."

Adam cleared his throat. "This might beat it."

"It's from both of us." Lindsay added as Adam held out the gift.

It was a white ceramic mug with intricate black flowers and ivy crawling up the sides and, the best part, the handle was formed to look like the hand grip of a gun. Austin let out a sharp laugh as she accepted it and the many balloons that were tied to the handle. "I think you're right, Dum, this is the most perfect gift that I have ever been given. Thank you guys."

"You're welcome." Adam gave her a small smile.

Danny cleared his throat again. "We're killing daylight; we need to get on the road."

"He's right," Lindsay agreed, "we've got a couple hours of travel ahead of us."

They were headed north to a private beach that belonged to one of the Messer family friends near the Catskill mountain range. Austin had wanted to get some sun and time in the water for her birthday and the beaches around the city would be brimming with families trying to squeeze in some sun before the return to school after labor day so they had agreed to head out of their beloved city. Adam had agreed to take them in his Jeep Wrangler since neither of them owned a personal car and the jeep had more room for cargo.

Austin hooked Elvis's leash to his collar and shouldered her own bag before following her friends down the stairs to where Adam had parked in front of their building. Lindsay climbed into the back seat and motioned for Austin to join her; the birthday girl used the tire to lift herself over the side of the jeep and settled in before turning to help Danny lift the dog in. Elvis sat obediently at Austin and Lindsay's feet with his head on Austin's knee and she scratched him affectionately between the ears. This trip would be good for the five year old greyhound as well; he needed to get out of the city and be allowed to run free, burn off some energy before it got too cold for them to take him out for runs. Austin tried to keep him as active as possible but it was hard in the confines of the city and, due to spending his formative years on a racetrack, Elvis's joints were too shot to handle New York's cold winters – even if it meant his beloved activity.

"He's so well behaved." Lindsay commented as the boys got in.

"Yeah," Austin shrugged, "the only good thing that the racetrack did for him was teaching him obedience." She pulled her aviators down over her face and smiled at her friend. "Thanks. For this."

"Are you kidding," Lindsay asked with a cocked eyebrow, "thanks for getting us out of the city for a day."

Adam pulled out into traffic and Danny snaked a hand behind his seat to take hold of his wife's ankle, needing some form of connection, as they began their trek upstate. Austin smiled at the ankle-hold before turning her attention back to Lindsay. "So, tell me what you guys have planned for the wedding so far."

–

Beautiful blue water peeked through the trees as they sped down the dirt road as if to tease them with what was to come. The two and a half hour drive time had flown by in a whirlwind of loud music, convenience store bathroom runs, and discussions of Adam and Lindsay's impending nuptials. Austin hadn't stopped smiling the entire time.

Adam pulled to a park at the end of the dirt road where a small lake house stood with beach running from the backdoor to the lake and for as far as the eye could see in either direction. The mountains surrounded them and nature pulled them in with a lure that the city just didn't have as they climbed out of the car and took off toward the water at a full on sprint. Clothes were abandoned on the hot sand as Elvis followed at their ankles as they raced into the water; it was freezing against their sun-warmed skin and washed away the fog that clouded their brains after the long drive. Austin pushed to the surface only to be pulled under again by Danny's arms around her legs. They swam in circles under water, fighting for dominance but matching each other move for move, before surfacing with gasps for breath.

"You guys are insane." Lindsay yelled at them from the beach where she was ringing out her hair.

Austin laughed and threw her arms around Danny's neck in an attempt to push him under. "Tell us something we don't know."

Danny sputtered to the surface and glared playfully at his wife. "You're in trouble, Austin Messer."

"Uh-huh." She laughed and shoved him toward the shoreline. "Go be a good husband and help Adam carry our stuff down here."

"And just what are you gonna do?"

She flopped down on the cool, wet sand and tossed an arm over her face. "Lay here and be lazy."

He poked her bare stomach with his toe and she squirmed under the touch. "Lazy bones."

"It's my birthday, Danny." She pouted and batted her eyelashes in a ridiculous and over-exaggerated manner.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." He grumbled but willingly went to help Adam carry their things.

Lindsay laughed and sat down next to her friend. "Did it really take twenty-two years to train him?"

"Nah." Austin shook her head with a small laugh. "Though, I did get to start training him when he was seven so..."

Lindsay rolled her eyes and tossed a small handful of wet sand at Austin.

Austin sat up on her elbows and leveled a glare at her best friend. "Lindsay Monroe."

"Austin Messer." She countered.

"Adam," Austin tipped her head back to holler at her friend, "just how attached are you to your fiancee?"

Adam dropped the cooler on the hot sand and took a moment to ponder the question. "Go ahead and feed her to the fishes."

"Adam!"

Austin laughed and grabbed the smaller woman, half carrying, half dragging her into the water before dropping her into the muck that grew on the bottom near the edge. Lindsay came up with a sputter and hair matted to her face. "I hate you."

"You love me." Austin countered with a shrug and threw herself into the water, popping up several yards away.

"Women," Danny yelled from the beach, "come make lunch."

"Daniel, go back to nineteen-fifty and try that there."

Danny shook his head and moved to start making their sandwiches. At the smell of food, Elvis came running from where he was splashing in the water's edge through the sand that stuck to his wet skin before tackling Danny. The man growled and pushed at the big dog. "Elvis! Off!"

Everyone laughed and the dog licked Danny's face before Austin called for him. The detective knelt on the beach and wrapped her arms around her baby's neck. "Oh, Elv, I love you."

The dog responded by shaking the sand off his back and sent it flying all over her.

"Hippy-hippy-shake." Lindsay deadpanned as she pulled a bag of pretzels open.

"I am so proud to know you."

Adam wrapped his arms around Lindsay's middle and rested his chin on her shoulder. "Aren't we all?"

"Here, lady." Danny handed Austin her plate of food and directed her to their towels that had been spread out in a circle around their stuff. Austin sat and slipped a grape to Elvis before digging in for herself.

Adam had brought his portable iPod dock and snagged Austin's from the top of her bag; the beach filled with the sounds of Black Rebel Motorcycle Club as they dined. Austin picked at her turkey sandwich and tapped her toes to _Shuffle Your Feet_. Everything seemed to be in harmony around her and it did so much to ease her soul after everything. She had voluntarily returned to the department therapist after her mandatory session before returning to work after the incident. She had went twice a week and finished her last session two days ago; this was the second time she had graduated from therapy (thankfully this time hadn't required five years of sessions). It had taken her the last few weeks to truly forgive not only Tristan but herself, as well. She had to forgive herself for not finding a way to save him, forgive herself for his death that wasn't her fault.

There had been so much turmoil residing inside of her since she was taken hostage, so much that she had left un-handled, that came pushing back to the surface. She hadn't had a drink since that swig of Johnnie Walker in the convenience store. It had taken her three weeks to be able to walk into another store and, even then, she still kept a hand on her holster. Austin Grace Messer had been shaken.

A day at the lake had been exactly what she needed; the open air cleansing her lungs, the chilly water washing away her sins, and her best friends there to anchor her from the urge to just drift away. Lindsay on her left, her best friend, gently keeping her in the present and urging her forward – never allowing her to linger too long on the past. Danny sat on the other side of her, her husband, his thumb rubbing circles just above her hip, loving her and keeping her from putting up walls just like he always did. And Adam, her new found friend, sitting across from her and shooting her silly looks every time she got caught up in a thought – making her laugh when she couldn't remember how. They somehow created the family that she had spent so long yearning for.

This day was perfect.

–

The sun was setting just beyond the crest of the mountain and night was swooping in to cool their blistered skin. They had spent the day in the water; hours of playing chicken, chasing Elvis, and just relaxing in the cool water while the sun kissed their skin from above. The boys gathered driftwood as they lost the light and they built a small fire to heat their dinner. Austin traded her damp clothes for holey jeans and her NYPD hooded sweatshirt, her thumbs pushed through holes in the cuffs, and feet warming at the edge of the flames. Lindsay sat beside her and pulled out the fixings for s'mores.

Danny dropped a kiss to her forehead while she pulled her humidity induced spiral curls into a loose braid. She tipped her head back and kissed the underside of his jaw. "Love you."

He smiled and kissed the shell of her ear. "Love you too."

"You guys are sickening sweet." Lindsay teased and stabbed a marshmallow with her stick before catching it on fire and blowing it out.

"That your country girl technique?"

Lindsay snorted. "Dang right it is."

Austin took her own stick with a marshmallow and held it over the fire to let it slow get gooey and golden before smearing it across a graham cracker and topping it with half of a chocolate bar. She took a big bite and giggled as the melting chocolate smeared across her upper lip. "So fracking good."

"Nerd." Danny laughed while Adam sent her a long distance BROfist (which she returned despite herself).

Elvis slept quietly at her feet and she used the heel of her foot to rub his back between his shoulder blades. Everything felt better; Austin's shoulders felt lighter and she breathed easily for the first time in weeks. She finally felt happy again.

They stayed around the fire, talking and laughing, until it burnt out and the tide was rising. They packed up their things and began the trek back to the jeep and began to load it for the trip back home. While the boys tried to fit all their damp possessions behind the back seats and Lindsay coaxed a tired Elvis into the vehicle, Austin escaped to the water's edge for a moment to herself.

The water rushed around her feet and dampened the cuffs of her jeans as she took a deep breath; she inhaled deeply, until her lungs almost ached, and then let it out so very slowly until her chin came to rest against her chest. Tears threatened to blur her vision as the water lapped at her toes and she tilted her head back to look at the stars that littered the sky above. Her hand snuck under her hair to trace over her tattoo and, with another deep breath, she let it all go. She had to let it go because, in Robert Frost's immortal words, _it goes on_.

"Austin," Lindsay called to her from the edge of the sand.

She smiled and turned back to her friends, her family. "Let's go home."


	18. Chapter 18

**I know. It has been ages. **

* * *

_I still believe in this rock 'n roll,  
and I pray the music gonna save my soul,  
But until then I still believe,  
Some things are just meant to be  
_-100 in a 55 by Pop Evil;

* * *

Her fingers were tangled in the chain link of the fence as she stood on her tiptoes to stare across the vast hollow left in the heart of her beloved city. Austin rarely made the trip as she preferred to move forward with her life, instead of letting memories of that day and the weeks following to pull her back in, but she couldn't deny the impact it had on her life and how it changed the whole world. On that Tuesday morning, everyone had been called in and, as a uniform fresh out of the academy, she had been directed to clear the streets; she could still feel the way the debris made it hard to breathe and the way panic of not being able to reach Danny had been a stranglehold. She can still see the look on Mac's face when all the rubble had been cleared away and there was no Jane Doe to match with Claire's description. They had been pretty sure that Claire hadn't made it out of the towers, that she had run back in when Mac told her to run the other way because that was who Claire was. Claire Taylor wouldn't have left when she was able to help get more people out. Austin couldn't help but wonder how many of the survivors were still alive because of the police wife's actions.

"We're looking out for him, Claire. I promise." The whispered words disappeared into the space beyond the fence. An early morning breeze bit at the tip of Austin's nose and she sniffled before taking a step back from the fence and wrapping her arms protectively around herself. She had been careful to come early enough to avoid the throngs of people that would inevitably make their way by or attend the memorial service that night; she wanted to pay her respects to Claire, her fellow civil servants, and the others who died on that cataclysmic day with some amount of privacy. After her morning run, she had piled into the car and made the trek to Manhattan. Mac was out of town with Reed in order to honor Claire in their own way so Austin had made the voyage on behalf of those left in the city who knew and loved Claire Taylor.

Austin knelt to open her messenger bag that she had unceremoniously dropped between her feet and the fence when she first arrived; inside was a solitary white carnation that she had picked up from a flower shop she knew Mac had favored when he was married on her way into Manhattan. The stem of the flower was long and partially broken so, using one of her long thumb nails, she pierced the broken stem and shortened it considerably before weaving it into the fence. Carefully, she tucked it through a second link before stepping back to admire her work. Satisfied, she let out a soft sigh. "Rest in peace, Claire. We miss you."

With plans to meet Stella for breakfast before she was scheduled for work, Austin turned on the heel of her Converse and made the trek back to her car that was parked across the street and down several blocks. Her phone was heavy in her hand when she slid into her seat and punched the speed dial for Mac; the phone rang multiple times before his voice mail clicked on. "It's me... I know you're keeping busy and you won't but if you need me, I'm here. Love you." She hung up and tossed the phone in the center console before turning over the starter and putting the car in drive. Her fingers danced across the steering wheel as she relaxed against the driver's seat and sang along quietly with KT Tunstall. "Big black horse and a cherry tree, I can't quite get there cause my heart forsaken me..."

The lot beside the small, hole-in-the-wall cafe was filled to the brim so she circled the block twice before parking on the street. She locked the car behind her and strolled into the cafe, smiling when she saw Stella sitting in their usual booth with two steaming mugs of coffee on the table. "Hey stranger."

Stella stood and wrapped her arms around the younger woman. "Hey, Aust. Did you already go?"

"Yeah." She didn't have to specify where. "I took a flower and paid my respects... promised that we were all taking care of Mac."

"Whether he wants us to or not." Austin chuckled at her friend's words. "I already called him even though he told us not to."

"Yeah," Austin said as she waved her phone like a white flag, "me too."

Stella laughed. "Let it never be said that we were good at obeying orders."

"You know that all we have to do is double team him when he gets back, bat our lashes, and he'll forgive us in no time flat." She took a long pull off her mug of coffee and flipped the menu open to breakfast items. "Well, me. You could always toss a machine gun on his desk and threaten him until he forgives you."

Stella tilted her head back to speak to the heavens. "You get a little hormonal one time and your friends never let you forget it."

"I don't know if I should start with 'one time' or the fact that you slammed a machine gun down on Mac Taylor's desk - we've got at least another year's worth of taunting and teasing for that."

The curly haired brunette tossed an empty creamer container at her friend, who easily dodged the projectile, and laughed. "It was truly one of my finest moments."

"That's one way of putting it."

The waitress arrived a moment later and, though neither of them had glanced at the menu, they ordered their usual breakfast orders and asked her to leave the pot when she refilled their coffees. Austin leaned back against the bench she had all to herself and tucked a leg under her. Her fingers found Claire's necklace that hung low around her neck and she fiddled silently. Stella observed her quietly before reaching over to remove her hand from the piece of jewelry and cease the attention-stealing movement. "Do you remember that year at the picnic?"

"The one where Danny accidentally gave Mac poison ivy or the one where Flack managed to dump his jello into Claire's purse and it was so hot that by the time we all realized it there was a red sea inside her bag?"

Stella snorted at the memories. "I was thinking about the one where Claire joined us for the softball game and she got into a fight with Mac because they were both too competitive for their own darn good."

"Oh, yeah." Realization fell across her face. "That was a good one... Didn't that one also end with a trip to the emergency room because Flack decided to play barefoot and he picked up a rusty nail in the park?"

"Yeah, Mac and Danny practically had to carry him to the car because he was sure he was gonna die or his foot was going to fall off. And then Claire tells the man who fears needles more than bullets that he'll have to have a tetanus shot." Stella explained. "That must have been your first year out of the academy because you were all uniforms."

Austin nodded; her first year out of the academy and Claire's last year, period. She shook her head and chased away the ghosts that threatened to pull her under. "All I really remember is that it took all five of us to hold him down for that shot."

"Do you think Detective Angell knows just how big of a wuss her new beau is?"

Austin laughed and then her eyes widened. "They're finally dating?"

"No one is supposed to know but I figured it out." Stella folded her arms on the table with a self-satisfied grin.

"I swear, Stell, you're better than the gossip mags and teenage girls."

Breakfast stretched on for an hour in similar fashion; memories traded like baseball cards across the hardwood table, scorching hot coffee mugs and sweating water glasses creating rings, and good food growing cold when the occupants were too distracted by conversation to eat. It was almost nine before Austin stood and popped her back. "I've got a meeting with the captain."

"I should go home and get some sleep before I'm back on shift tonight." Stella replied and buried a yawn in the crook of her elbow. "I'm covering Mac's shift tonight so I'm back on at four."

"Get some sleep, Stella."

She nodded and wrapped her arms tightly around her friend. "Thanks for breakfast, Aust."

"Thanks for remembering with me." Austin squeezed back tightly before letting her go.

–

The precinct was teeming with people and Austin had to elbow her way through crowds until she managed to break through to the bullpen. She took a deep breath and let it go slowly, crossing the large room to her captain's office and knocked on the door before sticking her head in. "Sir? You wanted to see me."

"Messer." He waved her in with the hand that was holding her file. "Come in and shut the door behind you."

"Yes sir." She stepped into the office and closed the door behind her. Her hands were ice cold but she shook her superior's hand before taking a seat across the desk from him. "Can I ask what this meeting is about, sir?"

He ran a calloused hand through his thinning gray hair as he opened her folder and flicked his eyes over the papers inside. "You've passed your psych evaluation and the papers for you to return to active duty have been processed. And you've also passed your gun certification. It's been three months, Austin, and now it's time for our meeting so I can sign off on everything."

"Okay." She gripped the arms of the chair tightly to keep from nervously fidgeting.

The old man gave her a soft, reassuring smile. "I know that you did everything by the book, Messer. Do you feel that your therapy sessions were beneficial?"

"As much as getting my brain shrunk can be."

"Still snarky." He noted as he scribbled across a pink page.

"The day that changes is the day I'll probably walk away." And that was the truth. The day she stopped having a sense of humor and could no longer be sarcastic about her life was the day she would find a different career.

"That so?"

"Yes sir."

He scribbled some more notes. "I know that you hate desk duty, we all do, but I have to ask if you feel prepared to return to active duty."

"Absolutely sir." She sat up straighter in her chair. "Sir, I know that what happened to me was not my fault. I know I did everything I could do to keep the situation from resulting the way it did. I returned for more therapy than was required because I wanted to be absolutely sure that I wouldn't put my partner in a dangerous position when I returned. I completed desk duty while undergoing evaluation. And I aced my firearm re-certification. I am more than ready to return to active duty."

"I know you're qualified, hell, overqualified." He tossed his pen down on his desk and leaned forward to talk to her. "But you're reckless as all hell, Messer. You run in when you ought to run the other way, you fight when you know you can't win, and it almost always bites you in the ass. I know that the incident wasn't your fault but I need to be sure that you're in control of yourself."

"Sir?" A lump was forming in her throat but she would not allow tears to fall in front of her captain. She swallowed hard and took a raggedy breath. "I am not going to put Flack in danger on purpose and I know that we've been partnered because I'm reckless and he's steady but I am a good cop. I am a damn good cop. I would never do anything to put Flack or a civilian in harm's way if it can be avoided. I've paid my penance, put me back on active duty."

He picked his pen back up and signed his name across the papers. "Don't make me regret this, Austin."

"Yes sir." She stood.

"Dismissed, detective."

Austin stalked out of the room and tried not to slam the door like a petulant teenager behind her. She crossed the bullpen and flopped down in her desk, punching the power button for her computer, and tossing a stack of paperwork to the cleanest part. Flack raised an eyebrow at her from his side of their setup. "I'll take it the meeting didn't go well?"

"It went fine." She answered curtly and started on the stack of sixes that were waiting on her.

"Grace," he countered.

"Duck, really, drop it." She flicked her pen through a series of checks before scrawling her name across the bottom of the page.

"Did he release you for active duty?"

"Mhmm."

Don sighed and dropped his work to pay attention to his partner's mood. "Then what in the hell is your problem?"

"I'm reckless and put myself and others in dangerous situations that often bite me in the ass." She paraphrased without looking up from the stack of forms.

Flack growled and rolled around the desk to steal her pen from her so she would look at him. "Okay, Austin, I get why you're pissy but you need to calm down before your pen breaks and ink gets everywhere and you have to redo all of them. Remember last time."

"Yeah." She sighed and crossed her arms. "I'm a good cop, Don."

He nodded. "I know you are. I wouldn't want anyone else out there watching my back."

"Not even Jessica Angell?"

He narrowed his eyes at her. "Stella?"

"We had breakfast this morning." She sighed and took her pen back. "Today is not a good day for anyone in this city and that just made it suck more. I'm a good cop. I don't need him to tell me how to do my job."

"You are a good cop." He echoed. "And, yeah, sometimes you do stupid things but it always works out. You learn from it when it bites you in the ass and you always have my back when the stupid plan is mine."

"Mmm." She hummed and finished another page.

"Okay, you be ticked and I will treat you to the comfort food truck at lunch." He knew food would lift her mood considerably.

She looked up and offered him a small smile. "That's the best offer I've had all day."

"Do your paperwork, Grace."

"Don't go thinking your the boss of me, Duck. Being the sane one in this partnership doesn't mean much of anything." She teased with a slight grin before turning back to her stack of paperwork.

The day passed in a blur of paperwork and providing backup for Angell on a case. It wasn't an action packed first day off desk duty but it was better than being chained to her desk and treated like a fish in a bowl. Flack had ended up buying lunch for both Austin and Jessica while they tortured him over home fries and gravy before they were dismissed early because of the events happening in the city that night. The trio walked out of the precinct together, Flack and Angell turning to head toward the memorial while Austin headed back to her car to meet Danny at home for dinner and a quiet night in.

"See you tomorrow, Grace."

"Later, Duck." She tossed over her shoulder and wrapped her jacket tightly around her middle to ward off the chill.

Due to traffic, the memorial lights lit up the sky by the time she reached the loft in Brooklyn and Danny had dinner waiting for her. She stepped into his embrace after shedding her coat and let him gently sway her across the apartment to where their dinner was sitting on the kitchen table. She tucked her foot under her as she perched on the edge of her chair and took a large bite of his famous spaghetti. "This is good, babe."

"Thanks," Danny replied with a smile. "Did your meeting go well this morning?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "Did you make your way into the city for anything?"

He nodded once. "Yeah. It was the right thing to do, ya know?"

"Yeah," Austin agreed. "I went before I met Stella for breakfast."

"Thought about Mac and Claire a lot." He took a couple of bites before speaking again. "Remember when we would go over there for dinner and Claire always tried to convince us that we should go ahead and get married."

"Yeah," she chuckled, "and Mac would tell us that there was no harm in taking our time while Claire stood behind him shaking her head and gesturing to her ring." Danny laughed with her. "Her and Stella were always our biggest champions."

"I'm pretty sure that Mac always thought you were too good for me."

Austin let out a sharp laugh. "Probably."

"Way to not deny it, Graceless."

She grinned at him. "Love you, Danny."

"Love you too." He leaned across the table to kiss her.

"Somewhere up there Claire is shaking her head and yelling 'I told you so'."


	19. Chapter 19

**I know. I apologize. Thank you for reading anyway.**

* * *

_It goes like this:  
You didn't like my friends  
and your mom didn't trust me  
I thought I was slick  
But my moves were rusty  
Bought you a twelve pack  
Promised you sushi  
Sorry if I wasn't straight out of a movie_

_We never were, we'll never be,  
Strangers kissin' in the pourin' rain,  
Chasing after your leaving train,  
But we know that's not how our love song goes,  
You're a waitress in a cocktail bar,  
And I save you because I'm a big rock star,  
But we know that's not how our love song goes_

-The Spill Canvas;

* * *

"Birthday boy," the soft alto of her voice called to him, piercing through the fog of sleep. Her knees on either side of his hips bowed the mattress as her lips danced across his clavicle, across the hollow of throat, stopping to nip gently at his left earlobe. "Baby, it's time to wake up." She scratched her nails gently across his lower abdomen as she swept her lips from his ear to his lips, kissing him gently as he stirred beneath her. His strong hands came up to grasp at her hips as she bit down on his lip. "Hi baby."

"Woman," he growled. "What the hell happened to 'sleep as late as you want, honey'?"

"I got bored."

"Austin. Grace. Messer."

"I know it's your birthday and you worked super late last night, didn't come home until after midnight, but it's also our only mutual day off this week and I really wanted to spend it with my husband." Austin's lower lip jutted out and he felt himself giving into her, just as he always did. "All the chores are already done; I fed Elvis, took him for a run, cleaned the living room and kitchen, made sure that we had enough food for the rest of the week."

Danny's brow furrowed. "How late is it?"

"A little after eleven." She shrugged and tossed her raven curls over her shoulder. "Daniel, the point is that I was sitting out there in our living room, in the middle of a damn good book too, and all I could think was that I _miss _my husband. We've been so busy with work lately and it's your birthday and I just missed you."

"I've missed you too, Graceless." His hand found hers tangled in their sheets and he brought it to his lips, gently kissing her knuckles. "Do you know how much I love you?"

"I think I've got an idea." She dipped her head and kissed him. "I love you, Daniel Dominic Messer."

He dug his thumbs gently into her hips, rubbing distracted circles against the skin. "Really, Austin, do you know how much I love you? All joking aside."

"Baby, yes." Austin's face scrunched up at his sudden torment. "You show me all the time."

Danny nodded. "But do I ever tell you?"

"You don't have to, Daniel, I know." She pulled his hand to her lips, uncurling his fingers and pressing her lips to the center of his palm. "You're always showing me how much you love me. When you let me drive because you know that I need something, anything that I can control or when you tuck my curls behind my ear when I'm reading because I'm too caught up in the book to realize that they've fallen... That's when I know that you love me. You always do these little innocuous things and that's how I know because you do them before I even know that I need them."

"I just... This case is getting to me." His fingers snaked around her neck and pulled her to him for a kiss. "I love you, always. No matter how mad you make me or how annoyed I get or-" She cut him off with another kiss but he pulled away quickly. "I don't ever want you to think that I don't love you, I don't ever want to hurt you because-"

"Daniel, stop." Tears flooded her vision and she blinked them away. "Baby, I know that you love me and I wouldn't have married you if I had ever thought that you were capable of really hurting me."

"Promise?"

"You saw me when I was broken, Daniel, and you loved me through it." Austin traced her thumb over his jaw, anchoring him to her. "No one else has ever seen me in the same way you have, no one else has ever loved me enough for me to trust them in the same way I trust you. You may have a temper and you're not the best with words but you're a lover, not a fighter. I don't know what about your case is getting to you but, Danny, you saw my dad and you're nothing like him. When we fight, your fists never clench. When we fight, you don't break things. When we fight, you don't scare me."

"I love you, Austin Grace Messer."

"Well, good because you're kind of stuck with me, moron." She smirked. "I love you, Daniel."

"Okay."

"Okay?" Austin poked him just beneath his ribs. "Now cheer up, sleepy Jean. It's your birthday and we need to celebrate before we go out and buy your walker."

He gaped at her. "I'm only two years older than you, crazy lady."

"Doesn't make you any less old, cradle robber."

"Cradle robber? I'll show you-" He paused in the middle of the sentence when he noted her lack of attire. "Did you do all your chores like this?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "Didn't you know that New York's instated Naked Tuesdays?" She rolled her eyes. "I figured I was gonna save us some time with your wake up call but you had to go and get all maudlin on me."

"My bad." He pulled the covers over their heads. "Happy birthday to me."

–

Austin reached for the mouthwash just as Danny bent to spit in the sink, leaving a trail of used mint toothpaste across his wife's forearm. "Oh gross! I just showered-"

"I know, I was there." He grinned salaciously and she elbowed him.

"Lick it off, lover boy." Austin held the offended limb out for him and he pondered it for a moment before wiping it off with his washcloth. "Weakling."

"Says the woman who once freaked out over the idea of playing 'pass the ice cube'."

Austin narrowed her eyes at him. "I was fourteen and I found your dental hygiene to be less than satisfactory."

"Mmm." He rinsed his mouth out with a cupped hand of water before baring his teeth to her. "How about now? Am I up to code?"

"I'd check but I know what it would lead to and we're about to go have dinner with your parents." She tilted her head and tossed back a cap full of Listerine; gargling, swishing, and spitting before handing it off to him.

"Babe, they've known that we have sex for years now." Danny repeated her actions with the mouth wash. "I think that my mother's just glad that she doesn't have to do anymore Hail Mary prayers for it since we got married."

"Catholic guilt knows no end." She nudged his hip as she moved for the makeup case.

He grabbed the makeup bag from her. "Do not touch a loaded weapon unless you know how to shoot it, Graceless."

"I'm not completely useless as a woman," she growled as she snatched the bag back from him. "I can handle mascara and lip gloss, moron."

"You'll shoot your eye out," Danny sang as he grabbed his button down from the bathroom doorknob.

"I'll shoot your eye out." Austin spilled the contents of the small bag on the counter, picking out her mascara and lip gloss. She shot her husband a glare over her shoulder and extended her foot to nudge him out of the room. "Get dressed."

"Do I need a tie for this shindig?" He backed into the bedroom and buttoned his white dress shirt.

She quirked an eyebrow at his reflection in the mirror. "Only if you want us to never actually get there."

"Kinky, Mrs. Messer." He smirked at her and she rolled her eyes.

"Do not call me 'Mrs. Messer', that just makes me think of your mom and that's creepy."

"Sorry, Detective." Danny winked at her before selecting a black silk tie from his dresser drawer.

"Evil."

–

"You're late." Grace Messer's shadow cast across the sidewalk outside the fancy Italian restaurant in lower Manhattan. Night was falling over the city and the crisp October night made the night clean and clear making the city lights that much more beautiful. They'd parked the bike blocks away and walked lazily over to their group, fingers loosely intertwined, and Austin swaying into his side from the way the high heels messed with her balance.

"Yes, I hope I'm not pregnant." Austin shot back with a smirk as she leaned in to kiss her mother-in-law's cheek. "Hi, ma."

"Don't sass me, child." Grace swatted her gently with the back of her hand but leaned in the cheek kiss.

"Mommy," Danny whispered the child's name for his mother and stepped into her embrace. "Don't tease her too much, alright? It was all my fault."

"I'm sure, you always were a relentless flirt when it came to that girl." She kissed his forehead and patted his cheeks. "Happy birthday, my sweet baby boy."

Austin stood on her toes and looked around. "Where's the old man?"

"He went on inside to keep our table since you two horndogs couldn't stop fornicating long enough to show up on time." The gray haired woman grinned and slid an arm through her Austin's, patting her hand. "How are you, little girl?"

"In shock that such a crass statement could come out of such a kind lady." The brunette laughed and leaned into the woman's side.

"Child, I've got years on you – just because I'm a mother and a wife doesn't mean that I didn't have my wild days."

Danny looked horrified. "Mommy, I don't need to hear about your wild days. It's my birthday."

"I don't mean to disappoint you, baby, but how do you think that you came to be?"

"Ma!"

Austin laughed heartily and patted her husband on the back. "Just wait, Daniel. We'll get revenge with our kids."

He stopped in the doorway to the restaurant and looked at her. "You're not..."

"No, moron, I'm not pregnant." She let go of her mother-in-law and walked back to her husband. "Someday, okay? I'm not entirely opposed to the idea of us having offspring in the not too distant future. Not like _Cheaper by the Dozen _or _Eight is Enough_ but kids wouldn't be horrible."

"You..." He reached out and tucked a stray curl behind her ear. "You want kids?"

"Yeah, baby, I do." She nodded and smiled, taking his hand and pulling him toward their table. "I want a family with you, Daniel Messer. I thought that you knew that."

"We've never outright talked about it before and somehow I never thought it would be at dinner with my parents."

"Technically we haven't had dinner yet." She turned to smile at him. "When we're ready... I'm not opposed to the idea."

He stole a quick kiss as he pulled her chair out for her. "Best birthday ever."

"Good." She smiled at him before leaning over to peck her father-in-law on the cheek. "Hey Pops."

"Hey there, little girl." He wrapped on arm around her and she leaned in, breathing in the smell of pipe tobacco and gun oil that seemed to permeate his skin.

The server came up to their table and smiled at them. "Now, do we know what we want to order?"

–

Darkness had settled across the city when they emerged from the restaurant and bid his parents a good night. His presents were secured on the back of the bike when Austin stopped him from climbing on with a hand on his arm. She tipped her head and kissed him lightly. "Let me drive?"

"Of course."

Austin slid a pair of jeans on under her little black dress and traded her kitten heels for Chuck Taylors. The Harley kick started under the power of her foot and rumbled to life as they cut through traffic, heading out of Manhattan toward the Bronx. Traffic would have made their lives difficult in a car but they bent the rules on the bike, weaving in and out of traffic and skirting through traffic lights with seconds to spare. New York passed them by in a blur of lights, cabs, and people in the same way it always did. She parked under the streetlights of the park they had favored as children; motioning for him to climb off and following suit before securing their helmets and making their way to the swings. She pushed herself gently on the toes of her whitewalls as she reached into the jacket of her coat and pulled out a deck of playing cards, holding them out to him. He eyed them suspiciously. "You wanna play a game?"

"No," she mumbled and shook her head. "I couldn't think of anything to get you because what would I give you that I haven't given you already? We've know each other for more than twenty years – twenty birthdays and Christmases and every other freaking gift giving occasion. I was fresh out of ideas but I was reading some ridiculous woman's magazine in the office at my shrink's a few months back and I found this idea. Just open them."

He opened the deck and the cards spilled out across the palm of his hands; among the usual designs were intricate permanent marker doodles and words. On the card that contained the rules Austin had scrawled 'Fifty two reasons why I love you". He thumbed through the cards and smiled at each one.

_Your back rubs._

_The way you protect me without taking away my independence._

_When your hand brushes the back of mine._

Reverently, Danny slid the cards back into their home when he had finished reading them all and leaned over to kiss her. His fingers threaded through her hair as he pulled her closer, their swings creaking beneath them. When they finally separated he rest his forehead against hers and she smiled at him, making him fall in love with her all over again. "Happy birthday, Daniel. I love you."


	20. Chapter 20

**I'm sorry doesn't even seem accurate enough. My hiatus from this story wasn't planned; I have great plans for this story but had some trouble bridging the gap between storylines. Thank you to everyone who is still reading this - I am forever grateful. **

**Dedicated, as always, to my beloved writing partner, Rachel. She's been the unstoppable force when it comes to this story and thanks to her patience (that I all too often wear thin) this chapter was able to be brought to fruition. **

**Disclaimer: Anything recognizable is, of course, not mine. **

* * *

_You only get just one time around,  
You only get one shot at this,  
One chance to find out,  
The one thing that you don't want to miss,  
One day when it's all said and done,  
I hope you see that it was enough,  
There's one ride, one try,  
One life to love...  
-33 Miles_

* * *

The bass thumped so loudly that he could hear it from the hallway when he walked into their apartment building but nothing prepared him for the sight that lay before him when he walked in the door that afternoon. Danny Messer dropped his keys to the floor and raised his eyebrows slowly when he caught the sight of his wife having what appeared to be a dance off with her six year old niece. They were both clad in white sneakers, jeans, white button downs, and baseball caps – Austin sporting the Yankees insignia and Dallas decked out with the Boston Red Sox. An Usher song that was popular half a decade ago pounding out of the surround sound speakers as they stepped around each other with popper collars and jerky looking dance moves. He smirked, falling against the door frame and waiting for them to notice his arrival, biting back a chuckle as they belted out the highly inappropriate lyrics. "Forget the game, I'm a spit the truth, won't stop 'til I get 'em in they birthday suits!"

He waited until the song came to a close and then he applauded. "Brava, ladies."

"Uncle Danny!" Dallas ripped off her hat, dropping it to the floor and sprinting to her beloved uncle's arms. "How goes it? Mama and Daddy said I could spent the night with you and Aun' 'Tin!"

"Really now," he asked and smirked as he scooped her up. "Well that is definitely cause for a dance off celebration if I ever heard one but what's that red piece of trash you were wearin' in my house, baby girl?"

"Mama bought it for me because she's from Boston," Dallas explained. "Daddy and Aun' 'Tin were not very happy 'bout that. I got my Yankees cap too though!"

He placed her on the hair and tugged on a dark curl. She reminded him so much of Austin at that age – all arms, legs, and never ending tangled curls. "Go get your hat and we'll go get some pizza, okay?"

"Yes!" The girl threw her hand into the air. "I love pizza! I love Uncle Danny! I love Aun' 'Tin! Best. Sleepover. Ever."

He laughed as she ran off to the bathroom where her overnight bag was stowed before turning his attention to his wife. His arm snaked around her waist and he pulled her in for a slow, lazy kiss that came with twenty plus years of familiarity. "Hey there wife. Ray's okay?"

"Hey yourself, husband." Her head came to rest at the crook of his neck as she pressed a kiss to the column of his throat. "Have you ever known me to say no to Ray's?"

"Point taken." Danny smiled and wrapped his arms around her waist, bending to press a kiss to the crown of her head. "Have I told you that I love you today?"

"Once before you left this morning and twice in text," she mumbled against the leather of his jacket. "I love you right back, dork."

And then Dallas returned. "Are you two going to kiss? I'm a kid, you know. I could go blind."

They both laughed then and Austin turned to her mini-me. "Alright, baby smart butt. Let's go get some 'za."

–

Christmas trees seemed to litter every curb and fill the city streets with a lingering scent of pine as they walked to the subway station. Dallas strolled between them with her hands tucked into each of theirs as they walked, swinging her every few steps just to hear her laugh as she babbled about California, her little brother, and the wonders of first grade. She smiled up at them with her missing teeth and they smiled right back. "I am so glad that mommy and daddy are letting me stay with you and not Mikey."

"That's not very nice," Austin scolded gently.

Dallas pouted for a second but then tucked her lower lip back in. "I know but sometimes I like to do things just by myself and I've never ever ever gotten to do this before."

"That's true."

"A'sides, Aun' 'Tin," Dallas explained, "Mikey gets mommy and daddy all by himself tonight and he's never ever ever gotten to do that."

Danny nodded. "That is very diplomatic. Maybe Aunt Austin and I can do something with Mikey before you guys go back to California and you can have some alone time with mommy and daddy."

"Really?" She was wide eyed with excitement. "Oh! That would just be most bestest thing, Uncle Danny."

They snaked down the subway stairs to the crowded station as Dallas danced on her tiptoes because she'd never gotten to ride the subway before. The train was a crowded one and they had to stand but the six year old didn't seem to mind as she spun in circles around the pole that her aunt and uncle were holding onto. Neither of them seemed to mind the way she bumped into their middles and nearly knocked them over when the train crossed particularly rough pieces of tracks – in fact, Austin found herself quite enjoying the feeling as she dropped a calming hand to Dallas' head, twirling a raven lock around her finger.

"Alright," Austin coached. "The next station will be the one that we need to get off on, okay? That station is going to be even more packed than our first one so you need to squeeze our hands super tight and not let go. Understand, munchkin?"

"Busy busy," Dallas said with a nod. "Hold onto hands super tight. Got it, Aun' 'Tin."

"That's my girl." Austin cupped her chin, the pad of her thumb resting in the cleft of the child's chin. The train came to a screeching stop at the station and she immediately took Dallas' hand in her own. "Now let's go get some pizza."

Dallas was a good kid, high energy but obedient for the most part, and did as she was asked – this came as a great relief to Austin who was terrified of losing her niece in the crowded station and sketchy streets. The walk to Ray's didn't take very long and soon they were surrounded by the warmth of the famous pizzeria. Austin and Dallas snagged a booth while Danny ordered a large pizza and a pitcher of soda for the three of them to share. Carefully, the detective arranged their seats so that Dallas was tucked safely into the back corner of the booth with herself on the outside. She knew she was being overprotective but she couldn't seem to stop herself.

"Are you excited to go home," she asked to busy herself.

Dallas shook her head. "I wish to stay in New York so much."

"But then you would miss your friends and teachers and school."

"I know but then I miss you and Uncle Danny and grandma and grandpa," she replied with a huff. "I wish that we could come and go whenever we wanted and then it would be okay."

"I wish that too," Austin agreed. "We'll just have to make the most of the time we have left so we have plenty of memories to last us until next time, alright?"

"Okay." The raven haired child nodded enthusiastically and tucked her feet under her as she hunched over the place mat, pulling the crayons from the center of the table toward her. "Will you and Uncle Danny come to the party?"

"The one at grandma and grandpas?" Austin sighed softly and tangled her fingers in her niece's hair. "I don't know, baby. Maybe."

Dallas nodded diplomatically as she drew very carefully on her paper. "Does grandpa still make you scared?"

"No, honey. Grandpa... you have nothing to fear from grandpa, alright? It's just hard for us to get along sometimes and I wouldn't want to ruin the party for you and your brother just because me and grandpa don't get along so well."

Dallas dropped her purple crayon, watching it roll on the table before turning to face her beloved aunt. "Bein' a grown up is tough stuff, huh?"

"Oh yeah," Austin agreed with a laugh as she pulled her into her side for a hug.

–

After dinner they had escaped across the street to the arcade and played every game they could until the manager kicked them out so he could close up. The walk back to the subway station was slow going with Dallas dozing, her lanky frame tucked into Danny's arms, as Austin walked with one arm linked with her husband, head resting on his shoulder and her free hand tracing over her niece's back. He didn't want to say it out loud, afraid of pushing Austin too far too fast but he couldn't wait until a few years down the line when it was their son or daughter snoozing on his shoulder after a long night of pizza and video games. "Hey Graceless?"

"Yeah babe?" She looked up at him. "Want to grab a cab?"

"You read my mind." He watched as she let go of him to hail a taxi. She tucked inside before him and then reached out to ease Dallas off of him. The little girl snoozed between them as they chased the fading sunset back to their Brooklyn loft, Austin humming an old Celtic tune and her fingers tracing circles on the little girl's ear lobes.

Together they managed to get her into the apartment, changed into her pajamas and into bed on the couch before slipping off to bed themselves. Danny shed his pants and shirt, falling into the cool sheets in just boxers and undershirt. He watched from the blankets as Austin traded her day clothes for a pair of pajama pants and his old Knicks championship shirt.

Just as they were about to drift off the door to their bedroom was flung open and a tiny mess of dark curls flung herself between them both on the bed in a fit of tears. He watched as his wife immediately leaped into action as her arms wrapped around Dallas and her lips pressed gentle kisses to her face as she cried it out. "It's alright, sweetheart. You're just fine."

"I want my mommy," Dallas whimpered and they both felt their hears break for her. "Please, Aun' 'Tin, I want my mommy now."

"Hey, kiddo, you're gonna be fine and if you want to go with mommy and daddy then we'll take you," Danny promised, "but I want you to listen to Uncle Dan-o for a second, okay?"

"Yeah," she sniffled.

"I know that it can be scary to sleep new places without mommy and daddy but nothing bad will ever happen to you here, alright? And nothing bad will happen to mommy or daddy or Mikey while you're here with us," he promised. "Now I know that you're made of super tough stuff because you're a Hawthorne and the one thing that I know about Hawthornes is that they never let their fears win."

Dallas wiped her face on the inside of her nightgown. "They don't?"

"Nope," Austin piped in. "We most certainly do not. We prefer to kick some butt."

"How do I kick butt?"

Austin smirked at Danny over her head as she began to relax. "Well first you let us hug you and kiss you and tickle you."

"No," Dallas hollered through her laughter as they covered her face with kisses and tickled her sides. "Oh no. Tickle monsters please stop!"

They relented and Austin continued with her plan. "Then you close your eyes and we all sing until sleep wins, alright?"

"Okay," Dallas agreed and snuggled down into the pillows between them. "AC/DC?"

"Of course."

It took an encore appearance of You Shook Me All Night Long before she finally drifted off to the opening lyrics of Hells Bells. As Austin slowly drifted off with her body curled protectively around the little girl's, Danny realized that his wife was far more ready for motherhood than she realized. That was alright, he decided, it would be worth the wait.


	21. Chapter 21

**Well... At least the wait wasn't the better part of a year this time.**

**As always, for Rachel. **

* * *

_It's funny when you think about the reason he's alive,  
It's all because two people fell in love  
-_Brad Paisley;

* * *

The twisting of her stomach pulled her from sleep far before she was ready. Bare feet slapped against the cold wooden floor as she sprinted from the bed to the bathroom, doubling over just in time to see her dinner in reverse. Nausea was overwhelming and her whole body flushed, a sticky sweat coating her. She sunk to the coolness of the floor and took stock of her situation. She didn't feel particularly ill but her stomach was in a bad mood for sure and exhaustion seemed overwhelming but she'd worked the night shift the night before and had dined on imitation Ray's which surely could explain away her current state.

She stood slowly and washed her face, rinsing her mouth with Listerine while she was at it, before making her way back to the bedroom where she flopped diagonally across the mattress. Her phone was buzzing on the bedside stand and she reached for it wearily. "Hello?"

"Are you mad at me?" It was her husband.

She groaned and raked a hand through her hair. "Did you do something worth me being mad?"

"Not to my knowledge."

"Then why would I be mad at you, Danny?" She sat up on the bed and pulled his pillow to her chest as she curled her legs under her.

He chuckled. "Cause you answered the phone like you do for normal human beings?"

"Sorry, babe." Austin relaxed against the headboard and smiled as her beloved greyhound climbed up on the bed next to her. "I didn't check the caller ID before I answered."

"Ah," he acknowledged. She heard him shuffling papers and a glance at the clock told her he was probably sitting at his desk enjoying his lunch. "You okay?"

"Mmm," she hummed. "I think the knock-off Ray's did me in last night."

"You sick?"

"Just a little."

She closed her eyes and let his voice chase away the last bit of sickness she felt. "Do you want me to go tell Adam that we can't make it tonight?"

"Nah," she promised. "I think it's just a touch of food poisoning. I'm already feeling better anyway. What did you call for, husband?"

"Just wanted to make sure you were returning to the land of the living in time to make dinner."

"Yeah. I've got an hour or so before I have to hit the grocery store. I'll meet you over at Lindsay and Adam's once you're done at work."

"Alright." There was a pause. "Mac is looking at me like he's going to break my phone in two so I'm gonna get off here, Austin. Feel better. Don't die."

"Love you too, jackass." She smirked. "Don't you die either."

Austin closed the phone and looked over at the dog whose nose was nudging at her hip. "Just what do you want, ya mutt?"

Elvis lifted his head and barked softly.

"I love you, buddy." She itched between his ears and pressed a kiss to his wet nose. "You want to go for a run?"

Elvis was off the bed before she could finish her sentence and she knew she would find him beside the door with his leash in his mouth. She pulled her hair into a bun with the tie around her wrist and traded her pajamas for track pants, an NYPD hoodie, and her Nikes before stuffing her keys and phone in the kangaroo pouch. "Alright, Elv, let's roll."

They hit the Brooklyn pavement and immediately slipped into a steady pace. The brindle greyhound was a work of beauty as he ran beside her, long legs stretching and streamlined body practically floating next to her, her perfect pace keeper. He was more than a dog, he was her best friend and her baby and she knew that rescuing him was the best thing she had done with her life.

When she hit the halfway point of her usual course, the exhaustion set in with a fiery intensity. She hadn't been winded quite so easily in a long time but she figured it was from the food poisoning and slowed her pace to Elvis' disappointment. "Sorry, boy," she breathed. "Don't have it in me today."

A shortcut shaved a mile off her usual run and she tried not to feel guilty for cutting out on Elvis' favorite activity. Back at home, she let Elvis off his leash and dropped some fresh food and cold water into his dishes before grabbing a bottle of water for herself. Flopping down on the couch, she opened the bottle and drank half of it in one breath. Her body craved a nap but she knew she had to get going if she was going to make it to Lindsay's in time to help make dinner.

The shower helped her feel more human and raised her energy level immensely. She dressed in her usual Converse, jeans, and Rolling Stones t-shirt. Cursing as she yanked a brush through her hair, she pulled it into a knot on top of her head and, at the last second, pulled on Danny's grandfather's dog tags that she hadn't worn since the day she'd been held hostage. The cool metal felt good on her skin and she found herself playing with them as she walked down the street to the bodega.

Austin Grace Messer was no cook but there was that one single dish she was kind of awesome at – if she was in the mood for confessing things and being stuck making it for the rest of her life. Her best friend had mentioned her favorite store bought spaghetti sauce and Austin had ended up volunteering to make spaghetti for their communal dinner because Lindsay didn't "know good spaghetti sauce from a hole in the ground". She was Italian and there was no fighting that heritage.

"Yo, Ross," she hollered through the door as she kicked at it with her foot, her arms laden with grocery bags. "I got my arms full so unless you want to be responsible for her a tomato massacre, open your damn door."

"Do you do anything with decorum," Lindsay Ross asked as she pulled the door open. "Here." She took a bag and lead the way to the kitchen. "Do I get to help with this or are you gonna take my fingers off like you almost did when I mentioned using jar sauce."

"You can observe," Austin told her. "And make the salad – I hate cutting lettuce."

"Gee, thanks."

Austin smirked and nudged Lindsay's hip with hers. "Trust me. Once you learn to make this sauce and feed it to Adam – it's so good he's gonna thank you with lots of little Adams."

"Shut up." Lindsay shoved her playfully. "It's too soon for that talk."

"You've got some time line I don't know about?"

"No," Lindsay shook her head as she pulled out a bowl for the salad. "I... We... just want to be solid in all of this before bringing a kid into this messed up world of ours."

"Cognitive baby making," Austin nodded. "Never a bad thing."

Lindsay smirked as she watched Austin chop tomatoes. "What about you and Danny? You guys ever think about bringing a little hellion into this world?"

"I'm not going to lie and say we haven't talked about it, that I haven't kind of wished for it in the back of mind since I was seventeen and decided I was gonna marry that idiot, but I don't know." Austin shook her head as she dumped ingredients into the biggest pot she could find. "A kid with my hair and his eyes, my taste of music and his charm, I'm not sure the world could handle that much awesome."

"Austin."

"Yeah. I worry about becoming my father."

Lindsay reached out and laid a hand on her arm. "I know you don't like to talk about it but I think... if you can acknowledge that you don't want to be like your father then you have a good shot of not actually being like him."

"Thanks, Lin."

She busied herself with the boiling liquids, adding spices here and there. She hummed along as Lindsay sang a Johnny Cash song softly and they danced around each other in the way that friends do when they've reached a certain level of comfortableness. She didn't know Lindsay's kitchen like the back of her hand but what she couldn't find Lindsay was pretty good at inferring and finding it for her. Austin covered the pot and let out a big yawn as she leaned against the counter.

"You getting old on me, Messer?" Lindsay cocked an eyebrow at her.

Austin shook her head and cringed as her jaw popped. "I ate some Ray's that wasn't original last night and it came back to bite me this morning. I couldn't even get all the way through Elvis' run this morning and I just feel like taking a nap now."

"Gee, Aust. You sure it's food poisoning and you're not knocked up?"

Austin froze.

"Austin?"

Her face turned pale and her heart raced as she tried to remember when her last period was. They were always so careful – more than careful, really – she wasn't ready for this. And then she remembered because it was right before Christmas. _Shit._ She was late. More than just coincidentally so. Before she could stop herself, she was flying toward the door. "Linds, I've got to go. Enjoy the sauce. Raincheck on dinner?"

"Sure," Lindsay called after her retreating form. "Are you okay? Austin!"

"Fine," she hollered over her shoulder as she slipped out of the apartment and broke into a sprint.

Everything seemed to be a blur as she sprinted down to her car, crossing the city back to her neighborhood, and screeching to a halt in front of the bodega. She ran in, panic overwhelming her, and heading for the feminine supplies. She found a whole rack devoted to the tests and before she could even begin contemplating which was the best, she slung at least one of each into her basket and raced up front to stand on line. Her heart thudded annoyingly in her ears as she placed the purchase on the emergency credit card – if ever there was an emergency it was now and why were the damn tests so expensive anyway?

At home with hands shaking and a gallon of water beside her for fuel, she began taking the tests and tears filled her eyes when time and again they came out positive. She wanted this, she did, more than anything but fear was overwhelming and it stole the breath from her lungs. She sunk to the bathroom floor for the second time that day and was greeted with Elvis' long tongue lapping the tears from her face as she dialed her husband.

"Hey Graceless," he greeted her. "I'm just finishing up. I'm like five minutes behind Adam, okay?"

"Can you come home," she whispered with a voice thick from crying. "Please, Danny."

"I'll be right there." She heard him shuffling and then his shoes slapping against the tile floor of the lab. "Are you okay? Austin. Baby. Are you still sick? What do you need?"

"I'm fine. I just... I need you. Please, Danny."

"I'm coming, baby, as fast as I can get across town." He pleaded with her, "Just tell me what's wrong, sweetheart."

"Nothing's wrong, I just have something I need to tell you."

"Are you sure?"

"Danny!"

He sighed. "Alright. I'll be there soon."

"Stay on the line," she begged.

"Of course."

They didn't speak as she listened to him cross through Manhattan traffic and the sounds of the taxis as he slipped into one and rattled off their address with the quickest route. He wasn't wasting any time and it made her heartbeat slow some.

When the front door clicked open, she jumped up from her spot on the floor and sprinted out to him, throwing herself into his awaiting arms. He wrapped himself around her, lifting her off her feet slightly as he pressed kisses to her hair. "Talk to me, Austin."

"I'm scared," she spills the confession into his ear and wraps her arms so tightly around him like she's afraid he'll disappear. He counters her touches with his own and anchors her to the moment like he always has.

"What do you have to be so afraid of?"

He's right. It shouldn't be this terrifying. This should be the most joyous thing they've ever done and she just needs to let herself feel that. Let herself tap into that immense joy.

"Let me show you," she whispered and took his hand in hers and pulled him down the hallway, through their bedroom, into the bathroom, to the counter where the tests are lined up one by one. His body collides with hers as he stumbles at the sight and she can feel his breathing quicken against her neck but then his arms are locking around her and kisses are dropped to her shoulder. "You're happy?"

"We're having a baby," he breathes and spins her around, kissing her in that way that makes her knees weak. "We're having a baby, Austin!"

"Yeah, we are." She smiles then and the joy wells up inside her. She can face anything with him beside her – parenthood included. "We're having a baby."


	22. Chapter 22

**I'm sorry is not even adequate anymore. **

* * *

_There goes my life,  
There goes my future,  
My everything  
-Kenny Chesney;  
_

* * *

She tightened the straps on his Kevlar vest as he checked the magazine in his gun, counting his bullets. She doesn't like that it's him going in the building without her; doesn't like that she has to watch all this from the safety of mobile headquarters but it wasn't really her case. He shoves the magazine back into the gun and turns to look down at her – their "no public displays of affection" rule at work seemed so utterly unnecessary in that moment. "Be careful in there," she ordered. "There's a lot more we have to lose now."

"Don't worry," he promised. "Flack is taking point – he and the swat boys will have that place cleared before I even step onto the scene."

"Doesn't make me like this any better."

He glanced around and leaned forward to place a quick kiss on the corner of her mouth as he caught her hand, rubbing his thumb over her wedding band. "Just go do your thing, Graceless. We've got to get this done if we're going to make it to Lindsay and Adam's on time for the rain check dinner."

"Alright," she relented before letting go of him to round the squad car. Her partner was placing bullets into his shot gun, standing next to a man in full body armor holding a battering ram. "You watch his back in there, Flack, because I will kick your ass so hard if something happens to him."

"Thanks for the concern for my safety, Grace," he grumbled. "You'll be able to see everything from HQ and then you and Jess can come in, grab your suspect for your case, and we'll wrap ours up. Then we can all call this very crappy last few days over with."

"Just promise me you'll look out for him," she asked.

He nodded. "I have been for years and I will again; now get your ass out of my tactical line up."

Fighting the urge to flip him the bird, Austin stepped back from the tactical line up and turned to make her way back to the tactical van. Ordinarily, she would have wrestled her way into the tactical line up (literally twisted Flack's ear until he let her in) but, now, with the tiny human spawning in her abdomen everything felt far too dangerous. She was scared of everything; every hiccup had her terrified. There was a doctor appointment at the end of the week and then maybe she would feel reassured about everything but until then the worrying mode was in full blast. They hadn't told anyone yet, not even after the doctor had given them a confirmation blood test, but they planned to tell Adam and Lindsay that evening and then everyone else after the first ultrasound that was scheduled for the end of the week.

She climbed into surveillance truck and pulled on a pair of headphones as she took a seat next to Jessica Angell. Several men on the tactical team had camera attached to their helmet and she found both Danny and Flack on the tape, trying to keep her calm as she watched them make their entrance into the apartment building. Their cases had intersected earlier that morning when they found out that their lead suspect was in cohorts with Danny and Flack's gunrunners. The boys would make their breach and take down the leader, secure everyone on the scene, and then the girls would come in and take custody of their suspect to escort him down to the precinct where they would file charges on the death of a college student in Brooklyn.

"You okay," Angell asked from her spot next to Austin with the headphones over one ear and tucked behind the other.

"I don't like not being in there," Austin admitted. "I know that they're safe but I'm used to having their backs."

"They're breaching," a tech on the far side of Jessica informed them.

Austin's eyes darted back to the screen as she watched Flack take the lead behind the SWAT team. Gun shots rang out as the gunrunners leaped into action and Austin placed a protective, worrying hand over her non-existent bump as she watched Flack take down a man three times his size with a shotgun blast. Danny came on the screen then; he had one of the younger runners cuffed and everything seemed under control until the man – boy, really, he couldn't be over eighteen – fell back hard against Danny and knocked him off his balance. Her hand curled at her gun and she was reaching for a spare bulletproof vest before Angell's hand curled at her elbow and pulled her back into her seat. "Jess-"

"They've got him," she promised. "Look, Austin. They've got him secured and Danny's back on his feet. He's just fine."

"I just-"

Jessica nodded and let her friend go. "I worry about Don, too, ya know but I just… I know Danny would die before he'd let anything happen to him. And Don would do the same for him. Look at how he's handling that guy for having the audacity to knock your man over."

Austin watched as her partner gave the criminal a good shove as he verbally berated him for assaulting a police officer. Danny had a slight limp but seemed otherwise unharmed but that didn't stop Austin from climbing out of the mobile headquarters and rushing to meet him at the front door of the apartment building. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he promised. "Twisted my ankle a little but I'm okay."

"Good," she said and then cuffed him upside the head. "Don't scare me like that, you jackass."

"Yes, dear," he grumbled as he rubbed his head. "Nice of you to assault me when I'm already injured."

"We both know that the biggest injury is to your ego," she countered. "I'll make it all better later."

"You two are absolutely disgusting," Flack chimed in as he shoved Danny's assailant into the back of the squad car. "Really… it's traumatic."

"Shut up, Donald Duck."

"Your suspect is being detained by the uniform over there," Flack instructed. "We'll meet you ladies back at the precinct?"

"Try not to kill my husband on the way," Austin countered and then took off after Jessica who was already halfway to their suspect.

"Grace, I love ya but I'll also kill ya."

This time she didn't refrain from flipping him the bird and smirked when she heard his laughter chasing her across the parking lot.

Back at the precinct, Austin stood fighting with the snack machine after they had gotten the man to confess to his crimes. Jessica had volunteered to take the brunt of their paperwork if Austin supplied the coffee and chewy cookies that were kept in the snack machine – which was too good of an offer for the raven haired detective to pass up. She punched the machine hard and was delighted when the treat fell to the opening below. She collected the goodies and moved to the coffee machine; she grabbed two Styrofoam cups and filled them with the sludge that the precinct provided. She cringed at the smell but swallowed back the bile rising in her throat as she made her way back to Jessica's desk. She handed one of the cups of coffee over and a package of cookies.

"You're a saint," Jessica Angell informed her as she tore into the treat. "Seriously makes the paperwork worth it."

"You're insane," Austin promised as she dropped to her desk chair and sniffed the coffee, her stomach churning. She held the cup out to Angell. "You want this?"

"Austin "caffeine addled" Messer is giving up her coffee? Are you sick?"

Austin shook her head. "I don't know… It's just not sitting right with me today."

"Well it's grade A sludge so I don't know what could be the problem," she teased. "I'm actually fairly sure that if they tested it up in the lab that they would find that this crap can remove tar from the roads and then we could all sue the city for making us drink it."

"Not like they're holding guns to our heads," Austin fired back with a shrug. She opened her own package of cookies and broke one in half before taking a bite as she relaxed in her chair. She was only barely into the middle of her first trimester and already the baby was kicking her ass, hard; god help her when she got big and swollen and had to waddle everywhere. Yet, she was oddly looking forward to that time.

Danny and Flack emerged victorious from the interrogation room; the two of them greeted with a round of applause and high fives by everyone they could reach. Danny crossed the bullpen to her desk and dropped a kiss to the crown of her head. "You ready to get out of here?"

"You might want to take a rain check on your evening out," Angell tattled on her. "She just turned down coffee."

"I'll alert the media," Danny deadpanned. "Thanks for looking out for her, Jess. We'll see you guys this weekend for the football game?"

"Sure," Flack nodded. "Sam will probably find a reason to tag along."

"She doesn't need a reason," Austin told him. "She's family too."

"I know, Grace." He ruffled her hair as he passed her for his own desk. "Enjoy your long weekend and we'll bring the pizza, okay?"

"Sounds good," Austin told him and stood from her desk with a yawn. She holstered her gun and didn't fight Danny when he slid her jacket on for her and grabbed her messenger bag from the floor by her desk, an arm slung around her waist as they left the precinct.

She tucked into his side as they stepped into the chilly February air, wrapping both her arms around his waist as they stumbled down the sidewalk toward the subway station at the end of the block. Danny dropped a kiss to the top of her head and ran the thumb of his hand that was wrapped around her abdomen over her stretched out shirt – she was nowhere near close to showing but things were just a bit tighter than they had been before the news. On the train, she sat close to him and let her head fall to his shoulder as they made the ride across Manhattan to the neighborhood where Lindsay and Adam lived. She felt herself start to drop off, exhaustion overwhelmed her and she had a peacefulness on the subway that could only come from being a tried and true New Yorker.

"Austin," Danny prodded her. "You've got to get up, babe; we're coming up on our stop."

"I'm awake," she insisted as she forced her eyes open and stretched. "Sorry."

"You're growing a human," he told her. "I don't think you're obligated to apologize for your tiredness for the next nine months."

"Thank you." She laughed and kissed him lightly as the train screeched to a halt at their stop.

The walk from the subway station to the Ross apartment was spent in companionable silence with nothing but their fingers interlaced as they made their way through the surprisingly empty neighborhood. They climbed the steps in sync and knocked on the familiar door and grinned in unison when Lindsay Ross through open the door with flour smudged on her cheeks. "Hello Chef Lindsay."

"Shut up, Austin," Lindsay ordered as she let them into the apartment. "You have your pasta sauce – well, I have my homemade chicken and dumplings."

"Could you be more country," Austin asked with a giggle.

"I wish."

Danny laughed at his partner's response. "You missed a good takedown today, Linds. I think Flack and I are gonna make the news."

"Go see if you can get Adam to turn off Star Wars so you can catch yourself, pretty boy," Lindsay told him as she shoved him toward the living room.

"Original or CGI Yoda," Austin hollered at the man stretched out on the couch.

"Original," Adam responded. "How is that even a question?"

"You're a good man, Adam Ross," she informed him as she followed Lindsay into the kitchen.

Lindsay had boiling pots of good smelling things on the stove when Austin hopped up on the empty counter space beside her. She watched as Lindsay dropped noodles into the boiling liquids and gasped as they expanded like wildfire. "You are such a kitchen noob," Lindsay teased. "And are you ever going to tell me what had you running out of here last week?"

"I'm not supposed to tell until we sit down for dinner but…" She reached out and snagged her best friend's hand and yanked her toward her, placing the flat of Lindsay's hand on her stomach. "About seven months from now, well, let's just say I hope you're open to the role of Aunt Lindsay."

"You're pregnant," Lindsay squealed in delight.

"Graceless," Danny groaned loudly from the living room. "Ya weren't supposed to tell her until dinner. I just made the news and you totally stole my thunder."

"Blow it out your crankcase," Austin instructed. "Pregnancy trumps your superhero take down any day. A'side from which, your special takedown ended with you twisting your ankle while Flack kicked serious ass so shut up."

"Austin," he whined.

"Daniel," Lindsay instructed. "Quit yelling across my apartment and get up and talk to your wife if you must."

"She started it," he told her.

"She's pregnant," Lindsay countered.

"This is all I'm gonna hear until that kid is born, ain't it?"

Austin laughed. "You bet your Bronx ass it is."


End file.
